Should I "make" 2 yr old dd go to playgroup

Gold Member Joined: Nov 26 2006 Posts: 2307 Location: NY

I wasn't sure which section this belongs in, but decided I wanted other working women's opinions.
DD just turned 2 and ds is 7 months old. When ds was born I DESPERATELY needed occasional breaks, and had dd going to a playgroup where she was very very happy. She went 2x/ week for 3 hours. She's been going up until now, about 4x/ week now. Days that I work, babysitter brings her and I bring her say, 2 of the days that I don't work. It's always been fine.
We went on a 2 week vacation recently and since then, dd has been complaining about going to "Morah Sarah". (name changed) Apparently (according to report) when babysitter brings her, she says she doesn't want to go, cries for a minute, and is happy upon being picked up. When I bring her she says "no... I don't want to go" and she seems genuinely against it, not just trying to be whiny. But (clincher here) then she says, "I dont want to go to Morah Sarah, I want to go to the park/stay with you/go shopping/whateverI'm suppossed to be doing that day"
I don't know if
1-she's just testing
2-she wants more Mommy time now that b'h we were able to have such a wonderful time over our vacation
3-there is something about "morah sarah" that she truly doesn't like.

Oy. Motherly guilt.
So lately I've been bringing her, and then turning right around and going home with her. I truthfully don't mind not sending her. I'm not DESPERATE to get her out of the house as I was when ds was first born- b'h things have settled in. But should I not send her to any "school" until next september? She'll be 3 yrs old!
Any insights will be appreciated....

If you don't need to send her, why bother if she's not happy. Then again, September is only 1 month away. Would you be sending her to the same place in September?

Gold Member Joined: Nov 26 2006 Posts: 2307 Location: NY

Yes, I'm suppossed to be sending her in Sep as well. I'm just nervous that "morah sarah" will corner me into making some sort of decision- to be fair, she may be able to give the slot to someone else. Though I don't know if there's a line or anything...

I think Nicole meant in a year from now.
If you don't really need to send her to play group why do it?
On the other hand many children that age could benefit from a good social setting. Maybe you could try finding out from the Morah if anything happened recently that would cause her reaction such as a child picking on her or hurting her, or if her behavior changed while she's in the group.
It could also be that after such a nice vacation with Mommy she realised that being with Mommy is preferable to going to a Morah. Alot of children react like that. As a teacher/caregiver and as a Mommy I've seen it happen alot. Even outgoing children who love going to school or playgroup would suddenly become shy about coming back after a vacation since the familiarity was broken up a little.

It osunds to me like she really enjoyed 'vacation mommy' and being able to be around you 24/7 - since she goes with babysitter and calms down very soon after - my first impression would be to investigate how long it takes her to 'relax/calm down' after you leave. She may not be purposly testing, but wanting a novelty that she cannot grasp as having been short term (aka. vacation mommy).

As a working mom I can relate to those mornings/days when I do not have to be in the office but relish the quiet time when I can organize, shop, cook and yes, even clean at my own pace and without interrupption.

If you are truely concerned for your daughter's well-being and happiness, and have the option of keeping her with you those days (or making a compromise of ex. ok, you can go to the bakery with mommy and then to Morah Sarah) so she gets a bit of both worlds, then by all means I think that's great!

Also, it never hurts to speak with the Morah - but I would be very careful how you phrase the q - as I have found many people easily get defensive which will not nec. allow for an honest, objective response. So maybe something like "dd has been very reluctant to come of late, have you noticed any changes in her behavior? Have their been any incidents that may be making her nervous? How long do you find it takes for her to adjust/calm down once I leave" -

Senior Member Joined: Feb 11 2007 Posts: 207

You know your kid best. Every kid is different. When I had a recently turned 2 year old who locked herself in her room (sat in front of the door, so I couldn't open it) the 2 mornings a week I tried sending her to preschool I realized she just wasn't ready (it was a well run program). She'd say, "no school, go mommy shopping." The break would have been nice, but I managed. I really felt it would be good for her, being that we had just moved to a new city where getting around without a car was near impossible and I had a newborn at home. She decided otherwise. We made the best of it it by taking small walks etc. The next year she went off to school happily. My 2nd adjusted much more easily at 2 (also only a few hours a week) when I was in school and working. Each kid is different. Let us know what you decide to do. Good luck!

Posted: Tue, Aug 05 2008, 9:08 pm Post subject:

nope
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Gold Member Joined: Nov 26 2006 Posts: 2307 Location: NY

Update: dd went today without a fuss! Very Happy

Dh and I decided last night that we don't mind her staying home more, but we wanted to get to the bottom of it all, and see if she would go if the need arises. So today, I told her, "dd we're going to Morah Sarah today! Hurray!" Very Happy

and she started with, "no, I want to go to the park". and I said, "sweetie, I'm not going to the park today. [its raining and I have to cook bec I'm working tomorrow] Mommy will bring you to Morah Sarah, and then later, I will pick you up and we'll play together." I was upbeat, firm, and confident. and I think it rubbed off on her.
She went pretty happily. Plus, as I handed her off to "morah Sarah" the morah whispered, "I think I know what the problem has been..." we made up to discuss it later.... I'll keep you posted! Very Happy

Posted: Wed, Aug 06 2008, 11:23 am Post subject:

I'm glad it all worked out at the end!
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Senior Member Joined: May 16 2006 Posts: 187

Can you try taking kid out for a month see if kid is bored/happy at home and decide from there?

I find that one of my children after a week of being home will be happy to return to normal scheduled activities, but not necessarily are all kids like that.

Of course she wants to stay with you, her beloved mommy. She's only 2. I definitely wouldn't make her go. She needs her mommy 1000x more than playgroup.

Gold Member Joined: Nov 26 2006 Posts: 2307 Location: NY

Well B'h that I "made" her go that day (when she ended up going happily) bec the NEXT day, my babysitter was sick and dd attended the playgroup ALL DAY until I returned! all very happily, b'h. We basically pinned it down to the new assistant who began just a day or two before we went on vacation and dd is not very used to her yet. But we're working on it, and for now, I think we'll go for a combo- I'll still send her a day or two when I'm at home, but I'll keep her home a couple of days as well. for example- I kept her with me Friday, esp after being at playgroup all day Thursday! Thank you all for your help!