Dealing with a tantrum

Executive Member Joined: Feb 12 2007 Posts: 299

HELP!!! My 2 year old is making me nuts! How in the world do u handle those terrible 2 tantrums?!?! I feel like I am always yelling at him and I feel awful... How do u keep yourself from freaking out on these adorable yet awfully aggravating kids??

Posted: Wed, Mar 12 2008, 9:07 pm Post subject: re: Dealing with a tantrum

First of all..yelling only adds fuel to the fire. I know it is annoying, but the yelling has to stop or the child will yell back. (I know from experience Embarassed

)

if there are clearly defined limits, a child need not have a tantrum, because he or she will not win. Set these limits ahead of time, and tell the child ahead of time.
Hold the child's hand. Reflect his feelings...I know you want X...but we are just having one...

If the child continues, tell the child I love you, but we have discussed this.

Then let him have a tantrum until he figures out a rule is a rule.

That is the only way IMHO. Eventually the tantrums will subside once he realizes there are limits

Executive Member Joined: Feb 12 2007 Posts: 299

You make it sound so easy... But you do have good advice. I will definitely try these tips. TY

Platinum Member Joined: May 16 2005 Posts: 6262

you stay CALm when they get upset. you try and realize that they are a child and really dont know any better. they get frustrated beacuse its so hard for them to comminucate thier true feelings, and they are testing out thier independence, and need our guidnece.

if you keep this in mind it can really help:

kids are born really not knowing anything when it comes to right and wrong. so for them making mistakes should be expected. we have to lovingly, calmly guide them and teach them. yelling really never helps, it actually creates more of a problem because they will do that behavior again for that negative reaction that makes them feel unloved. (they want to test to see how far youll go because they want to know they are loved no matter what but thats a side issue)

the best way to deal with a tantrum is to show the kid u care, and can relate, and are not upset, but firm.

for example my daugther really wanted a lolipo. I told her we cant have one and she started to have a tantrum. I went down to her level, kissed her and told her that I know it must be SOOO hard when we really want something and cant have it! I told her how I love her so much and care about her teeth so we limit our loolies.

it didnt really help too much but then I told her about how when I was little and I wanted candy and sometimes my mommy would say no and it was sooo hard for me. she was really able to relate to that, and calmed down. I took that opportunity to divert her attention to something fun to do together.....

there are many positive ways to chanel thier negaitve feelings. but number one is validating thier feelings, and not yelling at them or getting upset at them for doing the wrong thing, which they only know how!

we also have to choose our battles. (wisely!) some things really just dont matter. like if my daughter wants to wear a pink shirt and nopt the yellow one I picked out, who cares?

Posted: Wed, Mar 12 2008, 10:18 pm Post subject:

My dd won't listen if I try to "explain" that she can't have another X or that she can't pull toys out of her sister's hands or can't write on the walls with pen... Distraction works sometimes but not talking like that, she just screams.

She also wants to do everything herself, things she can't handle (or handle neatly). I try to let her do what she wants as long as it's not dangerous. (So yes, she uses up a lot of soap washing her hands, she puts her shoes on the wrong feet, and spills a lot. Thank G-d for paper towels!

Diamond Member Joined: Jan 19 2005 Posts: 2560

ooh they are so cute when they have a tt... my son stamps his little feet and then he starts to shrug his little shoulder. .I have to laugh each time... they are so cute.. at this age.

and I personly only sweat the big stuff. I let him spill everything like raisons right on my kitchen floor all day long.. and all my cans off food was out ofthe pantry all day long...

toys I let him spill whatever he wants.I dont care that what toys are there for... and a toy room . like my dh says all the time .. just close the door and no one can see it.

Posted: Wed, Mar 12 2008, 10:35 pm Post subject:

Posted: Thu, Mar 13 2008, 2:29 am Post subject: re: Dealing with a tantrum

if I'm in the house and she throws a tantrum then I also do one Laughing

or I just look at her and say,no get down to her level(height)and say why not and then continue what I was doing.she usually follows around still crying but I continue doing whatever and talking about what I'm doing(like if I'm cooking,I talk about the process)usually she gets tired of the tantrum and listens to the monologue.if we are at the playground and she isn't ready to go,I pick her up and carry her back to the house,I dont talk about it nothing just start walking. I do not care what people think when I am in public and she throws a tantrum. B'H children are smart and they know your tolerance level.

what was I thinking?! she is now 18months and throws a tantrum like I've neverseen!!!
FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID how did she change so much??
today she woke up from her nap kvetchy she had already slept for 2hrs.she cried and actually laid on the floor..so she wouldn't hurt herself and started kicking.I put her in her crib until she calms down.
what do u think do u have a bettertip?? I tried distraction,but....is 18mo the same as a toddler????

Posted: Thu, Mar 13 2008, 3:14 am Post subject: re: Dealing with a tantrum

My now three year old threw his share of tantrums, but when he saw no reaction, he stopped. Although his little brother is starting to lean that way now...One thing to note first is it's a stage!

If they get something out of a tantrum, the tantrums continue. If tantrums keep going, it might be good to think about what your little one is getting out of the deal (attention, whatever he originally asked for, emotional release from a stressful day, etc.) and address it (stop giving attention, don't give in to tantrums, help them find another way to deal with stress).

Kids are generally in better moods and less likely to throw a tantrum if they are fed, have had enough sleep, have some attention from a caregiver, and as little stress as realistic--I've found that my older son is more likely to throw a tantrum on days where he misses his nap for some reason, or has to do something unusual, like go to the doctor's office.

Thinking about WHY might a) help lessen the number of tantrums, and b) help you manage them better, even if only mentally!

Posted: Thu, Mar 13 2008, 3:20 am Post subject: re: Dealing with a tantrum

I agree with the posters who have given advice to some extent. Depending on how much your child can understand and communicate, you may be able to give some explanation. Or maybe not. I would say it depends on the child, your style, your situation, etc.

"Our rule is no cookies before dinner." is short and to the point. "I don't want you to have a cookie before dinner because then you'll spoil your apetite and..." might be TMI for a kid. I also think that kids can reason to varying degrees, but they don't care if, for example, they spoil their apetite for dinner. And sometimes I think we tend to explain too much. So explaining is the way to go sometimes, and a short rule other times. (Later, after the tantrum and any ensuing pouting, I would discuss the rules you enforce!)

I have let my kids cry and throw their tantrums when necessary. Sometimes kids get started and seem to be even out of their own control. So it depends on what is feeding the tantrum and what kind of child you have been blessed with.

If it's attention, you could put the child into their room and tell them when they are done, they can come out. (My 3 year old son used to cry only when he heard someone outside his door after a minute or so. This method works best for us.) Going about your business without them (assuming they are safe!) makes it much less fun, and often takes the wind out of their sails.

Of course, my sons both also get like this when they are getting sick, so it's good to note what's going on around the situation, too. And in this case, I'm a lot more attentive.

Again, depends on your situation and your child!