Leaving 2 children home...aagghh

Gold Member Joined: Nov 23 2004 Posts: 1045

Ok, DH and I are NOT going away on vacation but are visiting a place (a difft country) for shlichus. I am a nervous wreck about leaving my 2 older ones from Tues.-Mon. My FIL is coming to stay with them at our house. We are taking the 2 younger ones. Any tips on how to make it easier on them.
We cant tell them where or why we are going bec. than the whole community will know and it is not definitly happening yet.
I never leave my kids and I am ready to say forget it, I dont need to check out a new country when I know I really do. So I have to do this, and advise?
I am going to make a calender that they can cross off each day, and leave a new special toy for the first day.
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boy~8 yrs.
girl~6 yrs.
girl~4 years
boy~2 year
boy~2 weeks
KA"H!!!

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 07 2007 Posts: 10429

leave a video or tape of yourself reading them a story and added messages like "I Love you" etc. You could make a tape for each day and say "only X days till we see you again". Time consuming to make so many tapes but maybe worth it.

prep a project for FIl to do with them to be completed in time for you to get back. something easy and fun like a welcome home sign or a mitzvah chart, that they can work on every day.

leave pix of yourselves in a spot that's convenient for them. a treat for each day, with instructions to FIL to tell them "this is for you from mommy & daddy."

I'm not so sure it's the best thing to leave the kids in the dark, especially the oldest one, about where you are--I'd think not having any idea at all would be scary, but you know your kids. If you tell him you're going to Turkmenistan, he and FIL can look it up on a world map and FIL can teach him things about the country. They don't have to know you're considering moving there--is there zero possibility of there being any sort of event going on there that you'd have been sent to attend?

Gold Member Joined: Nov 23 2004 Posts: 1045

son is 6, my daughter is 3

great ideas, thanks

Gold Member Joined: Nov 23 2004 Posts: 1045

as far as location, DH thinks its best to tell them we are going to visit some friends, but we DONT ever do that. no event happening there either, hmmm

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20592

I don't think it really matters where you are going as far as the kids are involved. They are too young to grasp a lot of info. They will know you are gone, the rest is not so important. What *is* important is they know you are coming back, and when, and who will take care of them and that the schedule will stay the same and you love them etc.

Gold Member Joined: Nov 23 2004 Posts: 1045

thanks that makes me feel a bit better...my dh feels the same like me getting them a present the day I leave, wont stop the tears etc.

Executive Member Joined: Oct 16 2007 Posts: 354

this may not be any help to you, but what is wrong with leaving your kids for a few days even if it IS a vacation? Confused

yes its hard for them, but parents need a break too. if its' done with the right attitude and kids know what to expect, then there should not be long lasting effects.

and kids staying at home will be easier for them, than having to go someplace else

make a calendar for them so they can count down the days, buy them a gift when you come back, and before you know it, it will be over.

yes the kids may cry, when you leave, but if they see that ur in tears and don't feel good about leaving them, it will just make things harder for them.

good luck and even if its NOT for a vacation, ENJOY YOURSELVES!!!

Gold Member Joined: Oct 25 2007 Posts: 1607

You can also make a calendar with them, and have FIL tick off the days until you come back.

I left a coloring page (of my own) for each kid for each day that I had to leave, with a personalized mini letter (like how was it at school today? I miss you! if erev shabbat: did you take your shower yet? I'm sure you had much will have much fun at kabbalat shabbat etc.) My oldest could read herself, my mil or sil read to the younger one.

They really liked it, and of course we spoke on the phone each day.

Another time I had to leave by myself, guess what happened? MY dd made a drawing for me for everyday that I was away - as she said:"so u should rememember everyday that I love u". Laughing

8)

do u trust ure fil to watch them well? are they close to him?

if you can't trust a grandfather... then who??
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"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

Gold Member Joined: Nov 23 2004 Posts: 1045

Why amother for that comment?

Thank you Ruchel, that is how I feel. It is more about how much my kids love him and like him to be here and play with them, he is fun like that, I will have housekeeper here to keep laundry going and the house clean etc, so the only thing I get a little nervous about is that he a free spirited, and I am control freak, so I have to let go for a few days!

mommyofthree:
I'll explain why I was wondering that too...it is mainly because you sound so anxious about leaving them that maybe you weren't sure that having them with your FIL was a good idea...that you might want to rethink it...

I don't know if you have other opportunities.

I was just picking up alot of misgivings in your post, and I was wondering if there might be another underlying reason, is all...I guess there isn't...

Platinum Member Joined: May 16 2005 Posts: 6262

I was the amother mimivan, I realize its not private Wink

yes, I think the same, thing. it sounded like u werent sure or comfortable about something and thats the only thing I can think of.

unfortuanlty just becaise someone is "father" or "mother" or "grandfather" doesnt always mean u can trust them. sometimes yes (most times HOPEFULLY) but really not necesssarily!