My daughter won't stop talking

Posted: Wed, Feb 27 2008, 2:38 am Post subject: My daughter won't stop talking

I love her dearly, I really do, don't think I'm a bad mom for saying this but she just won't shut up!
she goes on and on and on and on and when she sees me starting to get irritated its "can I just say one more thing?" but its simply never one more thing.

I'm at my wits end, I don't know what to do with her. Its not just me, people outside the family notice it as well but they don't have to live with it.
She makes my head spin so much when she gets started and when she is the only one home with me I can simply go out of my mind.

How do I train her to curb it and recognize when its time to call it quits, without making her feel I'm not interested in what she has to say?
The other issue is she takes too many sentences to even say just one thing, she doesn't know how to cut to the chase and tell me only the main important details of whatever it is she wants to say. I think she got that from her father Laughing

please help me ladies, I'm really at my wits end!

she is 7

Posted: Wed, Feb 27 2008, 2:54 am Post subject: re: My daughter wont shut up!!!

I'm not sure if this will help, but MANY of my children are chatterboxes and that's the "positive" attention. (If I don't listen "enough", then the acting up starts.) Yes, they got it from their Dad, but they need the reassurance that I'm hearing them out.

Maybe she'll listen to reasoning, like setting a time limit to these "conversations" when she'll have your undivided attention, and then she knows she has to give you a break until the next time.
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Posted: Wed, Feb 27 2008, 3:26 am Post subject: re: My daughter wont shut up!!!

My son, who is nearly 4, loves to tell lo-o-o-o-o-o-ng stories and talk my ear off. I try to think of it in a positive light: He is extremely bright and verbal, he has a truly amazing imagination, and he understands so much about the world. He asks intelligent questions and he is very curious. Very Happy

Other things that work for me include turning the radio/cd off in the car so we can talk then, while we are "stuck" and he can have my full attention, offering a distraction if I'm desperate, and asking him to help me work while he tells stories. For example, I'll say "Mommy needs to get our food and house ready for Shabbat, but if you help, then I'll be able to listen to your stories!" He likes to stir my cakes and other concoctions, crack the eggs, help knead the challah, dust the house, organize the shoes, fold the laundry, etc., but only for a while, and then he goes off to play on his own initiative--and my ears get a rest!

As for getting things said quickly, this is a pet peeve of my with my DH and family in-law, who can take 5 minutes to say one thing sometimes. For my husband, I can ask for the highlights, but for my son, after he's done, I often ask about the main ideas of the story. We think of the top 3 or 5 important points together! But this might be something you need to teach--I don't think it comes naturally, especially early on.

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 29 2006 Posts: 4461

My son came home from gan when he was 4 with a LARGE note pinned to him. "Shmuel allowed the melamed to speak as well". Sometimes it comes as an attention getter, sometimes the child feels no one is listening. And sometimes the child is overflowing with thought and his ability to control himself hasn't matured yet.

I suggest engaging him her in discussion when you are alone together and gently reminding her when it is not appropriate. Older kids though can be a problem. Thats how mine was made fun of for never shutting up and my chubby one got the name "bitonada" (large cement slabs used as blockade).

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20496

Don't shoot me, but sometimes it's a sign of ADD.

Posted: Wed, Feb 27 2008, 5:17 am Post subject: re: My daughter wont shut up!!!

mine can be a chatterbox (but not to such an extreme) and I do not want to complain because he had such a speech delay, I am saying baruch hashem he can finally talk...

But Is it annoying?..Yes sometimes.

I find it is good to sit down and really have some concentrated time with your child. You could try "coaching" her on how to speak more succinctly....Tell me a story...okay, would you like to say the same thing using fewer words? How about X, YZ..

You could make a game of it: see how few words it can take you to say such and such or tell such and such a story...

remind her if she talks less she can do more and play more...and you will be able to listen more...

just some ideas.

OP here

Posted: Wed, Feb 27 2008, 5:37 am Post subject: re: My daughter wont shut up!!!

ADD and ADHD are often quite intelligent children.
My daughter is very intelligent, and she is a chatterbox. She just doesn't know how to be silent. I'm very happy to know it is part and parcel of the syndrome (thanks Tamarii).

It is hard. One of my friends has a child like this and her phrase is "is there a caboose at the end of this train?" ie get to the point.

Perhaps you can try and simplify her statements for her? ie, if she goes on and on repeat the sentence for her "The dog ate your homework and now you have to do it again."
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20496

Posted: Wed, Feb 27 2008, 8:30 am Post subject: re: My daughter wont shut up!!!

Just be careful how you tell her to stop. I was/am very talkative (with no other issues), I'm just a verbal person. I was told to "shut up" or "keep quiet", "stop singing", "you have verbal diarreah", etc. It was very hurtful and gave me a complex that people aren't interested in what I have to say.
My DD is very talkative and I try find ways of finishing up a conversation with her that doesn't involve focussing on the fact that she's talking "too much".

(My parents said the verbal diarreah thing as a joke, and they weren't abusive, they were/are loving parents, just didn't know what to do with a talkative DD.)

Posted: Wed, Feb 27 2008, 9:56 am Post subject: Re: My daughter wont shut up!!!

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48156

I h ave that sometimes, and I remind DH that he needs to listen, too !!!!!

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 4037

OP, when I started reading this I was thinking, "gee, this sounds like my 8 year old dd," and I got a laugh at the end when you said she's 7. I think it's pretty normal for them to be chatterboxes at this age.

sometimes when my dd goes off on one of her rants I just semi-ignore her. sometimes I say I am tired and need a little quiet.

my dd is also a very creative and smart child, and I'm sure yours is too.

NACHAS!

Very Happy

Posted: Wed, May 07 2008, 9:15 pm Post subject:

kids need to know you hear them no matter what ... please be very very gentle ... how you ask for quiet time ...

as for high iq and adhd they go hand in hand usually ...
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Gold Member Joined: Jan 18 2005 Posts: 1546

both my girls r that way n they r 2 n 4 , sometimes I tell them they can talk to me soon but I cant listen right then..or I tell her to tell tatty Wink

Platinum Member Joined: May 06 2007 Posts: 8518

I must say that every time I see this thread pop up I get so po'd. The thread title is so RUDE! CH"V you should tell anyone esp. your child to shut up. So rude and disgusting. Why couldn't it have been "won't stop talking!!"
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Posted: Wed, May 07 2008, 9:51 pm Post subject:

mimi-its ok to say to another adult "wont shut up". its not to the child.

there are girls that wont close thier mouth-my niece, my neighbors dd..its ok to bring to thier att that sometimes its good to rest the mouth and take a break and not talk. when ds talks non stop we would once in a long while play the "quiet game" see how long it can take until someone talks again.
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Diamond Member Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 4037

yes greenfire, 100% - it's important not to demean the child.

OP here. I haven't read this thread in a while