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| DefyGravity |
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 Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:14 pm Post subject: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| Do you think it's strange to be invited to someone's bridal shower, and yet not be invited to the entire wedding?
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| Nicole |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:18 pm Post subject: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| Maybe they can't afford to pay for so many ppl for the whole wedding, while the bridal shower doesn't exactly cost that much per person.
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| amother |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:20 pm Post subject: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| I think it is rude- they are asking you to give them a gift, yet you werent important enough to be invited to the wedding!
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| DefyGravity |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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| See, I was always under the impression that you can't really ask for a gift if you're not inviting someone to the full wedding.
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| mumsy23 |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:23 pm Post subject: Re: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| Nicole wrote: | | Maybe they can't afford to pay for so many ppl for the whole wedding, while the bridal shower doesn't exactly cost that much per person. |
Thats fine if they can't afford to pay for so many ppl for the whole wedding, but to invite them for the shower??? CHUTZPAH! If you aren't close enough to invite someone to the whole wedding than they aren't close enough to give you a gift. Period.
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| DefyGravity |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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| That's what I thought. Now I'm wondering if I WAS invited for the full wedding and maybe they forgot to put the response card in. Or maybe they're just not taking RSVP's.
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| Raisin |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:30 pm Post subject: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| Who is making the shower? My friends made my shower for me, it was not orginized by my family. Maybe the person making the shower does not know who is invited to the wedding.
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| shoy18 |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:30 pm Post subject: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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Proper etiquette indicates that you don't invite someone to a shower if they aren't invited to the dinner.
Chen, am I right???
maybe they did forget the response card
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| Nicole |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:32 pm Post subject: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| Oysh- now I'm feeling guilty. For my shower, my friends who were inviting ppl asked who to invite from our class- I didn't want to pick and choose- why not make a big party for everyone- so I told them to invite everyone- I was more thinking along the lines of a good time, and good food, for all. I didn't expect everyone to bring a gift, I just wanted to include them in the simcha where I was able to, since we couldn't invite everyone to the whole wedding. Similarly, I invited everyone to the shabbos kallah. Besides, a shower gift need not be expensive- it can just be funky oven mitts or a package of fun magnets...
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| DefyGravity |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:34 pm Post subject: Re: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| Raisin wrote: | | Who is making the shower? My friends made my shower for me, it was not orginized by my family. Maybe the person making the shower does not know who is invited to the wedding. |
I think that usually the organizers ask the bride for a list, they don't randomly decide who should be invited.
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| cindy324 |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:36 pm Post subject: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| Quote: | | maybe they did forget the response card |
yeah, usually if they don't take RSVP's, they'll write something cutesy, like: "Return cards we do not send , for we hope you will attend" or such...
Could you find out what the story is maybe from someone else who you know would be invited for the whole wedding? It def. is rude to basically ask for a gift, and not be invited for the whole wedding.
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| DefyGravity |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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I'm totally not offended if I'm not invited to the entire wedding, I didn't expect to be invited. However, now that I got the shower invite, I'm wondering if maybe I WAS invited for the entire wedding!
I don't really know anybody else that she's friends with and I'm not close enough to her to feel comfortable asking. I don't want to ask and have her feel like I'm upset if I'm not invited.
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| chocolate moose |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:58 pm Post subject: |
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| I would think it's a whole different crowd for the shower. What about sheva brachos? You can't include everyone in everything!
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| loveit |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 4:05 pm Post subject: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| The whole purpose of a bridal shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. Just as shoy mentioned above, proper etiquette is that you only invite people to the shower that you hae also invited to the wedding. By inviting people to the shower and not to the wedding, I feel like that's saying "I wan't a gift from you but you're not important enough to make it on my guest list" I was once invited to a shower but not the wedding, and I was incredibly offended, I didn't understand why I was a close enough friend that she would invite to an intimate shower of 15-20 women, yet not invite me to the wedding...
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| DefyGravity |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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It's got nothing to do with including everyone. It's just not nice to invite someone to a shower and expect a gift if you didn't invite them to your wedding.
There's nothing wrong with inviting people to Sheva Brachos. It's a free meal.
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| chocolate moose |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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You don't HAVE to bring a gift. For some kallahs, it's more abut the party than anything else. OR you might go in with someone for something.
you can also bring something very small.
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| ChavieK |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 5:59 pm Post subject: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| I just had a dd & ds get married.We only invited those closest to the shower. Not even everyone invited to the wedding! Sheva Brachot are diff.You also happen to need a man who wasn't at the wedding.
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| shoy18 |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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| chocolate moose wrote: | You don't HAVE to bring a gift. For some kallahs, it's more abut the party than anything else. OR you might go in with someone for something.
you can also bring something very small. |
Unless you chip in for a large present, one should not show up without a gift. If its money go to amazing savings and buy a $5 present!
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| curlyhead |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 6:45 pm Post subject: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| At my wedding I was only allowed to invite 10 of my friends for the dinner. The rest of the 200 people at the dinner was family.Everyone else came later for simchas chossan v'kallah. Does that mesn I should of just had a shower for those 10 friends? Alot more then that came to my shower. On the other hand it was a surprise shower organized by a friend
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| mumsy23 |
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| Posted: Tue, Jul 10 2007, 6:51 pm Post subject: Re: re: Invited to bridal shower, but not the entire wedding |
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| Nicole wrote: | | Oysh- now I'm feeling guilty. For my shower, my friends who were inviting ppl asked who to invite from our class- I didn't want to pick and choose- why not make a big party for everyone- so I told them to invite everyone- I was more thinking along the lines of a good time, and good food, for all. I didn't expect everyone to bring a gift, I just wanted to include them in the simcha where I was able to, since we couldn't invite everyone to the whole wedding. Similarly, I invited everyone to the shabbos kallah. Besides, a shower gift need not be expensive- it can just be funky oven mitts or a package of fun magnets... |
You shouldn't feel guilty now, its over BUT a shower is not just a fun party for all - it is mainly an excuse for the bride and groom to get gifts and it is completely inappropriate to go to a shower and not give a gift. Therefore, it is similarly inappropriate to invite people to a shower and not to the wedding. Shabbos kallah is different, there is no obligation for the guests to bring something and its just a nice get together.
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