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Commenting on my smile
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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 8:34 am
I frum guy I work with told me that it's nice that I always do things with a smile. This sounds so normal and innocent, but it felt weird that a man would compliment me on my smile. Would anyone else feel the same?
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kb




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 8:45 am
He didn't compliment your smile. He complimented your attitude.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 9:11 am
If he hasn't been otherwise creepy, I don't see any issue. Why overanalyze every word that comes out of men's mouths?
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 9:36 am
Life must be hard when you can’t even enjoy someone offering such a nice, innocent compliment.
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Rubber Ducky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 9:39 am
kb wrote:
He didn't compliment your smile. He complimented your attitude.

Exactly right. And innocent. Be gracious.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 10:05 am
unless he said you have a zexy smile or what big teeth you have ... he didn't comment on your smile
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 10:12 am
I was going to start a new thread but I will ask it here
At a seuda yesterday's very yeshivish guy who never says one word to a woman was drunk out of his mind

He was talking a very long time to several women
Nothing inappropriate just how great their husbands learn in the collel
It seemed sweet and weird at the same time
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kb




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 12:20 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
I was going to start a new thread but I will ask it here
At a seuda yesterday's very yeshivish guy who never says one word to a woman was drunk out of his mind

He was talking a very long time to several women
Nothing inappropriate just how great their husbands learn in the collel
It seemed sweet and weird at the same time


So what? He was drunk. He spoke to women. He didn't say anything inappropriate. Good for him.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 12:33 pm
amother wrote:
I frum guy I work with told me that it's nice that I always do things with a smile. This sounds so normal and innocent, but it felt weird that a man would compliment me on my smile. Would anyone else feel the same?


What things were you doing when smiling?
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abaker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 12:36 pm
In response to the drunk guy at the Seuda, not to op's question about the smile,

It's totally inappropriate IMO, since he doesn't find it appropriate to say a word to women normally, it's not right that he should "let loose'" and schmooze with them when he's drunk. It's throwing his standards of tznius out the window.

Op...the smile thing was def commenting on your positive attitude, which is great. Keep it up!

Edited for auto corrected spelling mistakes
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The Happy Wife




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 1:14 pm
I don't see anything wrong with it. I agree with the other posters; it was about your pleasant demeanor rather than your appearance.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 1:18 pm
kb wrote:
He didn't compliment your smile. He complimented your attitude.

This. Why are you thinking so much into this?
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 2:04 pm
He was complimenting your attitude. Not your smile.
I would be fine with that.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 4:07 pm
The man did not say, Mrs. Magillicuddy, your teeth are so white and straight and such an s*xy contrast to your lips so red and plump and moist and s*xy. He said it's nice that you do everything with a smile. What are you reading into this--he's thinking of you smiling during s*x? Get your mind out of the gutter. He's saying you do everything besever ponim yofos. PLEASE tell me English is your fifth or sixth language, acquired only in the last 6 months.

ETA: If you are really troubled by this so-pareve compliment, stop smiling.


Last edited by zaq on Fri, Mar 06 2015, 4:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 4:11 pm
It is nice you do things with a smile. That makes you a pleasant person to be around who will likely be regularly employed. I bet your boss has worked with plenty of sour pusses that put people on edge. Don't read into this compliment too much or you will end up one of those people that are difficult to work with and that bosses want to dump as soon as they find an excuse to do so.
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abaker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 4:58 pm
yes, we all think the guy didnt make an inappropriate comment, but the op was just asking what we thought of it. shes allowed to do that!
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 5:29 pm
On second thought, OP, I owe you an apology. The fact that you even ask this question means you come from considerably right of center and have had very little casual contact with males who share none of your genes. The book Nine To Five (having nothing to do with the Dolly Parton movie) would say that this remark was in fact inappropriate. Nine to Five is to the workplace what Oz veHadar levushah is to dress. It says essentially that you should try to work in a place with only women, but if you have no choice but to work in a place with men, your interaction with them should be as brief and infrequent as possible, and conversation solely about work. "Good Morning Mr. Rottweiler" only to satisfy basic courtesy, not "Good Morning Mr. Rottweiler, did you have a nice weekend?" and Rottweiler should be saying "good Morning Miss Fitchke" not "Good Morning Miss Fitchke, how nice to see you back from vacation." So from the Nine to Five POV, your coworker spoke inappropriately because he was talking about you personally, not about your work. The Nine to Five way would be to say "Miss Fitchke, we have had good feedback about you from some clients, who appreciate your pleasant way of interacting with them." IOW, he should speak about your people skills as they affect your work, not about you as a nice person.

However, I am going to go out on a limb here and wager that Mr. Rottweiler never heard of the book Nine to Five, intended only to be pleasant and encouraging (I shall wager that you also have not been working there very long), and would be torn between amusement, pity and annoyance if he knew you attributed even a smidgen of flirtatious or worse intent to his remark.

Smart women know how to deflect remarks they feel skirt the edge of impropriety. "Thank you, Mr. Rottweiler, I was taught to be mekabel es kol hoodom besever ponim yofos. Are the Yablonski papers ready to go out?"
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someoneelse




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 15 2015, 9:00 am
zaq wrote:
On second thought, OP, I owe you an apology. The fact that you even ask this question means you come from considerably right of center and have had very little casual contact with males who share none of your genes. The book Nine To Five (having nothing to do with the Dolly Parton movie) would say that this remark was in fact inappropriate. Nine to Five is to the workplace what Oz veHadar levushah is to dress. It says essentially that you should try to work in a place with only women, but if you have no choice but to work in a place with men, your interaction with them should be as brief and infrequent as possible, and conversation solely about work. "Good Morning Mr. Rottweiler" only to satisfy basic courtesy, not "Good Morning Mr. Rottweiler, did you have a nice weekend?" and Rottweiler should be saying "good Morning Miss Fitchke" not "Good Morning Miss Fitchke, how nice to see you back from vacation." So from the Nine to Five POV, your coworker spoke inappropriately because he was talking about you personally, not about your work. The Nine to Five way would be to say "Miss Fitchke, we have had good feedback about you from some clients, who appreciate your pleasant way of interacting with them." IOW, he should speak about your people skills as they affect your work, not about you as a nice person.

However, I am going to go out on a limb here and wager that Mr. Rottweiler never heard of the book Nine to Five, intended only to be pleasant and encouraging (I shall wager that you also have not been working there very long), and would be torn between amusement, pity and annoyance if he knew you attributed even a smidgen of flirtatious or worse intent to his remark.

Smart women know how to deflect remarks they feel skirt the edge of impropriety. "Thank you, Mr. Rottweiler, I was taught to be mekabel es kol hoodom besever ponim yofos. Are the Yablonski papers ready to go out?"


I find your heavy sarcasm, as well as your previous post, highly offensive. If you cannot appreciate the OP's question as valid and manage to respond in a respectful manner, please keep your comments to yourself.
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relish




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 15 2015, 9:22 am
someoneelse wrote:
I find your heavy sarcasm, as well as your previous post, highly offensive. If you cannot appreciate the OP's question as valid and manage to respond in a respectful manner, please keep your comments to yourself.

I didn't read zaq's second post as sarcastic at all. She really expressed what the op's concerns were in a way someone who grew up like that can understand. It was done with humor and explained well. I'm half sorry for getting involved in your personal squabble, but I really liked her post.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 15 2015, 7:27 pm
someoneelse wrote:
I find your heavy sarcasm, as well as your previous post, highly offensive. If you cannot appreciate the OP's question as valid and manage to respond in a respectful manner, please keep your comments to yourself.


The post you quote was 100% sincere. Sorry you interpreted it as sarcastic. I guess that is because you did not read Nine to Five. I did--twice. Now you owe ME an apology.
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