Do you let your children go on sleepovers? - interesting ar

Machel

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 10:43 am

This is an interesting article about why this family does not allow their kids to go on sleepovers, and how dangerous they can be. I thought this seemed a little extreme. I remember sleepovers being a huge part of my childhood and where I really bonded with my friends. It seems a little over protective to me, but I don't have kids yet so maybe I am just being naive. I am curious to hear what other people think about this topic.

Here is the link to the article

http://www.challies.com/articl.....overs

Scrabble123

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 11:34 am

I disagree with the premise that you need to watch your child every second of the day. It is only healthy parenting to sometimes let your child do things without you being "on top of every move." You need to do your due diligence and not just allow your child to associate with dangerous individuals, but there is a certain risk which is not only appropriate, but essential to a child's development of self and growth. That being said, a risk always means that there is no guarantee, but parents should do their best to educate their children emotionally and socially, ensure those around one's children are safe, healthy individuals, and daven to Hashem. Children have to learn to cross the street sometimes too. As for sleepovers: they are not a must for childhood development - you can choose to forego those if you please, but constantly watching and waiting in fear is unnecessary and unhealthy, although it is difficult to judge and/or blame parents who do.

MagentaYenta

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 11:43 am

I seldom agree with anything Dobson or his minions have to say about child rearing. That being said, it's up to parents to teach their children about appropriate touch as well as teach the appropriate words for body parts, so they have distinct boundaries. ('Down there' is not an appropriate name for a body part.)

Scrabble said it best.

sheep

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 3:45 pm

My mother never let me go to sleepovers if there was an older brother in the house. My husband has some horror stories of stuff that happened at sleepovers when he was a kid. I think I'll uphold my mother's rule when our kids get to that age.

Barbara

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 4:02 pm

sheep wrote:

What about a father in the house? Or a mother or sister, since they can molest as well.

What about playdates? Nothing special about a sleepover, vs. just hanging out.

School overnight outings? Or even just plain old school.

Camp must be out as well. Day or overnight.

And don't forget what a high percentage of molestation is by relatives. You think your dad is an ok guy, but he could really be a molester. Don't even think about letting him, or anyone else, look after the kids.

sheep

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 5:02 pm

Barbara wrote:

The perfect is the enemy of the good. In a perfect world, you'd know your kids' every move.

In an imperfect world, you just do your best while allowing your kids to be normal and have friendships and be independent. My mother did her best, and she did a very good job protecting us.

Whether things happen is in Hashem's hands. But we have to do our best to prevent them, while allowing our children the space to grow.

How you make that risk benefit analysis is up to you.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 6:11 pm

Thanks for the link. I just emailed it to Lenore Skenazy at http://www.freerangekids.com

It's her life's mission to catalog and debunk hysteria, and teach children how to be safe and independent people who will grow up to be intelligent adults. I can't wait to see what she does with this! Rolling Eyes

chani8

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 4:37 am

Call me a helicopter, but no sleepovers are allowed. But alas, my boys ended up molested in their very own neighborhood in the middle of the day with people all around.

My girls grew up overprotected. They have become very independent and strong women.

Therefore, the mistake appears in not hovering enough over the boys.

heidi

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 6:21 am

sheep wrote:

As a mother of boys I am truly offended.
Not all boys are molesters. Most molesters are someone the child knows well, as opposed to an older brother in the house of a sleepover. I'm not saying you don't have to take normal precautions, but teaching children about good and bad touch and the appropriate names of body parts seems alot more reasonable than banning houses that have older brothers.

singleagain

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 1:40 pm

To quote Dory from, Finding Nemo:

Marlin: I promised I'd never let anything happen to him.
Dory: Hmm. That's a funny thing to promise.
Marlin: What?
Dory: Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.

sequoia

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 1:46 pm

I had many fun sleepovers with my girl friends where we stayed up late and played pranks on older sisters and got into all kinds of trouble. It was glorious.

I was abused by my father.

Barbara

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 2:12 pm

sheep wrote:

In a perfect world, I wouldn't know my kids' every move. I wouldn't need to. They would be safe without my checking up on them.

But where is the evidence that molestation is likely to happen on sleepovers. Or that children who are not permitted to go on sleepovers are molested less frequently than those who do.

Molesters tend to choose certain types of children, and to groom them. Random molestation by someone your child barely knows is the "least" likely thing. If you want to reduce the risk of molestation, help your child be one who is less likely to be molested.

singleagain

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 2:56 pm

Barbara wrote:

If you want to reduce the risk of molestation, help your child be one who is less likely to be molested.

while I agree there's a certain truth to this, be careful this line of thinking doesn't become, blaming the victim.

Barbara

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 3:04 pm

sheep wrote:

Most molestation happens by families because people aren't so careful with family.

So your solution is not to be careful with anyone else either???

No. Its to look for danger where it really exists, and not to guard against a small risk of danger by leeching all of the fun out of childhood.

Its to provide real protection for our children, to the extent that we can, not pseudo-protection by demonizing all males.

Know where your child goes. Ask her or him what happens when s/he's there. Get to know the parents and families of your children's friends. And pray for the best.

dancingqueen

Thu, Mar 05 2015, 3:16 pm

Those who don't allow sleepovers, is it because you afraid of cvs molestation? I went on tons of sleepovers growing up, I guess bH never saw anything bad. My kids are too young but this wasn't something I worried about.

I think there was some good advice here though.