Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Household Management
Am I dysfunctional? Where do you draw the line?
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 7:55 pm
I'm a lousy homemaker. (Prob have more than a touch of ADD, but that's for another time). My question is, at what point would you say that lousy housekeeping, crosses over into a dysfunctional home.

I have a very large family.

I serve balanced homecooked suppers almost all the time.

My kids' clothing is washed and they always have clean clothes to wear, but I rarely iron, and we often live out of laundry baskets.

Little ones get bathed at least twice a week.

Homework is always done properly.

Kids never leave to school without lunch/snacks.

Beds almost never made, Teeth rarely brushed.

House very often upside down.

Dishes can sit up to two days.

Toys get really messy.

Bathrooms get cleaned decently.

Girl's hair brushed neatly before school.

Closets rarely organized.

Fridge usually cleaned out once a week, but not always.

Car can get really awful.

So.....would you say I'm dysfunctional,and where would you draw the line?
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 8:05 pm
Look, I don't know, but this sounds exactly like my house (except some kids don't even get bathed that often) and I only have 5 kids.... embarrassed
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 8:05 pm
You sound great to me!

Who is calling you dysfunctional?

If you want to improve, pick one area to work on, and try it for a month. At that point, you can assess whether you want to continue, or focus on something else.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 8:06 pm
Me 3
Back to top

Aetrsnrady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 8:07 pm
Sounds totally normal to me. You have a large family and you cover the most important stuff. The only thing I would work on is the tooth brushing. I'm sure there's tons more that you do that you don't list- buying kids what they need, taking them to various appointments, reading to them, just talking to them... Smile
Back to top

amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 8:08 pm
You sound exactly like me.

I think we're just very terrible housewives. Not dysfunctinoal.
Ill use the laundry example. If the laundry wouldn't get clean and you'd send your kids to school in dirty clothing that would be dysfunctional. But they're wearing clean stuff! it's just not folded or put away. That's how we work here. It may be sloppy and disorganized and annoying. But I don't consider that the most horrible thing.

Toys not being organized? who has time for that with a big family?

You serve balanced homecooked suppers!! that is awesome.. Ok I guess you are better than me. Maybe I am dysfunctional? I don't serve normal suppers (I'm the one who posted on the supper thread asking how do people who work manage to have the time and energy to cook proper supper).
Back to top

wife2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 8:08 pm
Do not say dysfunctional lightly. B'H you are very, very functional.
You make supper, keep your house basically cleaned, and your kids are clean and have clean clothes.

That is functional.
Yes, you may not be super perfectionist with spotless house and bath every night and everyone and everything in its place.

But you love your children and provide a happy home with food and clothes.
That is highly functional. You care for your children and don't neglect them.

Dysfunctional is a home that is falling apart, where children are neglected (by not being provided with meals or with love or attention), where there is often fighting and tension and yelling. The house may be a disaster that is never cleaned or it may mean that the parents don't care about their kids.

But you are so functional. So much like many, many other women.
Back to top

Learning




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 8:11 pm
Healthy meals and clean happy kids means a good mother.
Back to top

Chavas




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 9:17 pm
You need cleaning help.
Back to top

imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 9:36 pm
Sounds like my home.
Meals and clothes are my priorities.

Order comes after my comfort, rest and other more immediate issues.
Back to top

Kugglegirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 9:57 pm
Sounds pretty similar to here. 5 kids now. My older kids shower several times a week, the younger ones, once a week.

I mainly try to avoid any major health code violations. (I mean this as humor, as well as good advice.)

I find I can work on one area at a time. Like clean out one drawer, or one shelf. Some things are just picked up over & over again & that is like bailing water from a boat in hurricane.

& then there is the cleaning up one thing while some toddler is pulling everything off the shelf & smashing things somewhere else. Well, that never helps.

Better to take the toddler & read him some stories than to try to clean up while he is around.

For me, at this point, I am OK with how things are & not interested in anyone's moralizing about how the children should be trained, or what I should be prioritizing.

Everything changes with time. So do what works for you & your family.
Back to top

seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 9:58 pm
Sounds pretty functional. Dysfunctional means not functioning. You can have a messy house that is working fine. Messes and clutter become dysfunctional if they are preventing people from being cared for properly or performing normal/necessary/desired activities. If your kids are turning up an hour late to school because that's how long it took for them to find something reasonably clean to wear, that's dysfunctional, for example. Based on your description I'm not sure why you're even asking the question, it sounds like you're running fine. I'd work on the teeth brushing if I were you, though, oral hygiene is important for kids to learn, besides for their dental health which is also important. I remember classmates with stinky breath. Don't let that be your kids, even if something else needs to take the slack, though this really shouldn't take too long to get into a habit.
Back to top

tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 10:01 pm
Everything sounds normal to me except for teeth rarely being brushed. I am not judging you at all but that's the first thing I think you should work on. That doesn't make you dysfunctional but it may mean teeth issues that are annoying and can cost a lot of time and money. It's important to instill good teeth hygiene in your kids before they have their adult teeth.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 28 2015, 10:39 pm
If you can get your kids to spend 2 minutes each morning and night brushing their teeth (make it a group effort!) then you'll have it made.

Everything else sounds perfectly normal and fine to me.

I think a bigger question is WHY you feel dysfunctional. What made you ask the question in the first place? Something in your life is obviously bugging you. Is it criticism from in laws, your own self criticism, tired of tripping over toys, or something else?

Let us know what prompted this post, and maybe we can help you brainstorm some solutions that will make you feel better about your living conditions.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 29 2015, 6:05 pm
Op here

I wonder if I'm dysfunctional because:

-all of my kids have problems with organization to some degree

-I hate answering the door, and panic at inexpected guests

-it hurts me that it bothers my husband and kids. (Yes I've tried having them pitch in, but I'm not consistent about enforcing it.

-I wonder what CPS would say if they popped by on an average day

But the truth is, most of you are right, the essentials are mostly getting done and I can honestly say that I think my kids are pretty well cared for

So.......what would qualify as dysfunctional?

(And yes, I do have about 12 hrs a week of cleaning help, mostlly clustered near the weekends, cuz that's the hardest time for me.)
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 29 2015, 6:09 pm
Seeker gave a great definition.

Seems to me that anyone who complains has too much time on their hands.

Check out the threads about organizing life with large families for more ideas.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 29 2015, 6:42 pm
Yes, children who have clean clothing to wear and [healthy!] food to eat are living in a functional home.

I relate to your description very much. I try to have as much cleaning help as possible (affordable, obtainable).

Although I tend to be very disorganized, I do implement many ideas for organization. I also try to make charts & contests with the kids, but am very bad at following through.

It could help to have a rotation for keeping the front room neat, finding good places to keep things.
You might want to read Cheaper by the Dozen. Not because you're going to become an efficiency expert, but cute ideas like charts for tooth-brushing, putting one older in charge of each younger child. I did that with laundry. I tried to have an older child room with 1 or 2 younger (though not nec. the best idea vis a vis bedtimes!). Their laundry was done together & put back in the room, older child in charge of putting away (or finding in baskets).

Sock-locks! Extremely important!
Back to top

amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 29 2015, 7:09 pm
I just had a melt down to dh about this. I only have 2 kids, why am I not coping? The laundry mountain is at risk of avalanche, the sink is getting stinky, floors haven't been washed in longer than I can remember, toy disorganization came to a point of no return. I feel like locking the door of my home and starting over in a new place.

Yes, my family has clean clothes to wear.
No, it's never in their closets or drawers.
Yes, my family has healthy home cooked meals.
No, their never pre-planned/pulled from the freezer.
Yes, my bathroom gets cleaned often.
No, I never did get around to organizing the cabinet underneath the sink.
Yes, the dishes did get washed.
No, not the same day that they were used.
Yes, my kids get snacks/lunches that they need.
No, it was not ready made in their bags in the morning, rather made and tossed in on the way out the door.

Are my kids neglected? No.
Do I feel competent? NO NO NO!!!
Does Dh like the way my house runs? No.
Do I feel like I can do anything about it? Not right now...
Back to top

Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 29 2015, 7:15 pm
Sounds ok to me. Hugs.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 29 2015, 7:35 pm
From one lousy homemaker to another, I'd say it crosses over into dysfunctional when it affects you, your DH, or your children. You've said it bothers you, your DH and kids, so I'd say that's crossing the dysfunctional line. I'm going to be honest here: I believe my home is currently crossing the dysfunctional line as well. You think you may have ADD? Maybe it's time to get help for that.
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Can anyone translate a one-line note to Hebrew for me?
by amother
2 Tue, Mar 19 2024, 7:09 pm View last post
34-36” matte jersey lined skirts (A-line)?
by amother
0 Mon, Mar 18 2024, 7:18 pm View last post
Line on baby's face - Now Resolved :)
by amother
6 Sun, Mar 17 2024, 8:30 pm View last post
ISO- Nice mens ties - ON-Line only
by amother
5 Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:14 pm View last post
Im not dysfunctional (light thread)
by amother
28 Mon, Mar 04 2024, 4:16 am View last post