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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Chanukah
Money for Rebbi, how much do you give?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Dec 17 2014, 8:58 am
Raisin wrote:
Thats fair enough. Longer hours should =larger tip. But it seems that a rebbe gets more then a morah, simply for being a man. Even accounting for longer hours.


Some of my kid's English teachers are men. I tip the same as a Morah.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Dec 17 2014, 9:43 am
As the wife of a REBBE I can assure u that my husbands children (as he calls them) get the same treatment across the board however if a child needs special attention or accommodations a tip helps the REBBE give of his time and energy without building resentment. Basically REBBEs like all humans need recognition. A note of appreciation even during the year is a tremendous boost.
That said, we do count on tips to help us pay the bills. Any amount is appreciated
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 17 2014, 9:56 am
cookiejar wrote:
I think that your sentiment is coming from jealousy. It is not a bribe. It is hakoras hatov, and if you could afford to do it magnanimously you would do it too. It is a much much much better way to spend your money this Chanukah than almost anything else you can buy with it. Hakoras hatov and helping a struggling family?? What could be bad? I'm sorry, I think this bribery talk is all wrong.


Why do so many people boil it all down to jealousy? The way tuition is accessed itself is inconsistent. This family pays less and turns around and gives a direct monetary gift to the parent. That family is tapped out from paying tuition and can't show "hakaras hatov" with a direct monetary gift. I've heard of families giving upwards of $1000 to a Rebbe and I simply do not know how that can be construed as anything but inappropriate.

Most government agencies have a code of ethics that give limits on what types of gifts that can be accepted and their amounts specifically because there must be lines drawn between brides and gifts. Here is from the Massachusetts government website:

"Gifts to Public School Teachers and Staff

In general, a public employee may not accept any gift worth $50 or more that is given because of the position he or she holds. Public employees may accept gifts that are worth less than $50, but they have to disclose in writing that they have done so if, based on the specific circumstances, a reasonable person would think that the public employee might unduly show favor to the giver or the giver's child, or be influenced by the giver.

The law prohibits gifts to public employees, not gifts to public agencies. You may give gifts to a public school, or a particular classroom, and the $50 limit does not apply. Your school district may have its own additional rules about gifts, which you should follow.

Example: A Parent-Teacher Organization wants to give $75 gift cards to teachers to buy classroom supplies. The teachers may accept the gift cards but must use them to buy classroom supplies, and should keep receipts to show that they did so. Supplies bought with the gift cards are the property of the school, not the teachers."



From a little research I can surmise that this is an area that school districts are debating and discussing. In Northern Virginia the limit is $100 per family to any individual teacher. Alabama draws the line at $25 per occasion and $50 annually. Some districts ban monetary gifts, which includes gift cards, altogether.
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mommyla




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 17 2014, 11:48 am
I give "Chanukah gelt" (and a Purim gift) to both the Rebbi and English teacher. I do chip in for the class gift for the teacher and give a smaller gift of my own. The Rebbi teaches for more hours, so I give more - not because he's a man, not because his salary is pitiful (hey, the teacher's salary is pitiful too, and so are lots of other people's salaries).

I do tend to give more than others because my kid is not the easiest to teach. Not to bribe the teachers to like him or treat him better, but because I appreciate them putting up with a lot of nonsense from him.
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 17 2014, 8:32 pm
cookiejar wrote:
Why does it bother you for the rebbe to get a nice bonus to his very meager salary? I would venture to say that all or most rabbeim struggle to make ends meet, and gezunterheit! I feel like that is a nasty sentiment on your part! Let them make some extra! Unless maybe you're jealous and feel like that boy will get more attention than your son...?


It doesn't bother me if the rebbe gets a nice bonus. It bothers me that people only feel like this about the rebbeim in our community and not the female teachers. The male teachers already get paid higher salaries than their female counterparts. The sexism of the situation is what bothers me. The women being over burdened with responsibilities is what bothers me. Many of the female teachers ARE the breadwinners and nobody thinks to give them a "nice bonus" to augment their "meager salary"!

What a rude attack on my children. You should be ashamed of yourself! I will give you a blessing that your children should only be as good as mine. I felt such happiness when I got a nachas call from my son's rebbe this year and he told me he didn't know which to praise first; his middos or his learning. I'm not worried he will like my son any less after Chanuka.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Dec 17 2014, 8:41 pm
Give what u want and stop comparing what others do. If u can afford $100 than great. If u can't don't. Personally my kids are in pre school and I bought all their morahs a new novel or cookbook for chanukah with a nice note. Btw a rebbe is not underpaid or a teacher. They have off every yom tov and chol hamoed and often work part time. Often they work in camps upstate during the summer. Free camp and food and rent for a month and get paid.....
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Reality




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 17 2014, 8:51 pm
amother wrote:
Give what u want and stop comparing what others do. If u can afford $100 than great. If u can't don't. Personally my kids are in pre school and I bought all their morahs a new novel or cookbook for chanukah with a nice note. Btw a rebbe is not underpaid or a teacher. They have off every yom tov and chol hamoed and often work part time. Often they work in camps upstate during the summer. Free camp and food and rent for a month and get paid.....


I think a book sounds like a lovely gift! Like I said in my 2 PP my biggest issue is the sexist attitude!
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 17 2014, 8:54 pm
amother wrote:
I can't afford to give much and I'm resentful of parents who BRIBE the teachers.
Just my two cents.
I do give something with a nice note, but it's not $50 or $100 and my kid can really use someone looking out for him.
I almost feel it's the poor vs the rich.



I really hate to tell you this, but that's the way life is. The wealthy do have advantages over the poor.
The good news is that most rebbeim are not going to be bribed by chanuka gifting. at least not the good rebbeim. I do think that one should gift as nicely as one is comfortably able to, as a token of hakoras hatov for all that the rebbe does. usually by chanuka you get the sense as to whether or not the rebbe is responsive to all the kids or only those from certain zip codes. bus drivers - well, that's another story. the more you tip around here the more likely the driver is to bring your child to the door rather than drop off at the corner. but ok.

to the OP, I used to tip the rebbes more than I do now, bh I have more kids now and am paying lots more in tuition and tutoring etc so I can no longer afford to be so generous. I guess its a good thing that my sons rebbe also has students who are the oldests in their families, I bet their parents give more than I do. and even with my relatively small gift, the rebbe is very good to my son.
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cookiejar




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 17 2014, 10:29 pm
Reality wrote:
It doesn't bother me if the rebbe gets a nice bonus. It bothers me that people only feel like this about the rebbeim in our community and not the female teachers. The male teachers already get paid higher salaries than their female counterparts. The sexism of the situation is what bothers me. The women being over burdened with responsibilities is what bothers me. Many of the female teachers ARE the breadwinners and nobody thinks to give them a "nice bonus" to augment their "meager salary"!

What a rude attack on my children. You should be ashamed of yourself! I will give you a blessing that your children should only be as good as mine. I felt such happiness when I got a nachas call from my son's rebbe this year and he told me he didn't know which to praise first; his middos or his learning. I'm not worried he will like my son any less after Chanuka.


There was no attack, rude or otherwise, on your children in my post, (which I re-read to be sure). I don't quite know where you extrapolated that from, but I am more than happy to receive a blessing! I am also happy that Rabbeim get a supplement to their small salaries this time of year. I do tip female and English teachers as well, but I have no idea how you made the leap from here into that debate. No one said "how much should we give the rabbeim and not the morahs"! This was a thread discussing the appropriate amount to tip a Rebbe. And I do not think that writing that Rabbeim should not get tipped (or should not get a large check) could be coming from a good place. No one was discussing male vs. female salary equality... To my mind, if you can afford to give the Rebbe nicely, you should. He is someone who teaches your child Torah, and has chosen for himself a profession with very limited earning potential. In the name of that, and of course, hakoras hatov, I say give it if you have it!!!!
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 7:36 am
Tragic.....
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 7:54 am
In Lakewood the reason why the school collects for the rebbe is so that parents don't give on their own.
also op are you telling me that you gave the rebbe a month ago for pta $100 and now you want to give another $100? Well I'm sorry that is total bribery no one gives the rebbe $100 for pta and many rebbeim don't treat kids better just because parents tried to bribe them and many times it turns the rebbe off from the family that they think they can bribe him.

Op if you are only giving money to the rebbe to bribe him then please don't it comes through and the rebbe will see it.

And in my sons school $36 is fm standard and 50 is wow.
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luppamom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 7:56 am
boysrus wrote:
This thread is making me feel sad. Because I do not have much cash to spare. I have a bunch of kids with Rebbis and teachers . I cant afford to give any Rebbi any more than $10 each for a chanukah gift otherwise my bank account will be in overdraft. Surely I am not the only one out there who cant afford this gifting? Do you really think that my sons rebbeim will all treat my sons badly after getting a gift worth only a measly ten bucks for chanukah? I would not give $10 cash, I think that would look really cheap. I am hoping that it wont look as bad if I give a $10 giftcard to the bagel store or starbucks type stores, the kind of place where you anyway dont usually spend more than $10 at a time.


I am sure they understand that not everyone is financially equal and a nice note means so much to them. I'm sure they would appreciate a Starbucks card even if only $10.00 as the larger sums probably get used to pay bills. This is something the Rebbe will get to enjoy guilt free b/c there's nothing else he can do w/ it other than get himself or his wife a treat!
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 8:55 am
A tip in the range of anywhere from 50 to 100 dollars is the standard for a Rebbe.... 40 dollars is also considered normal.... If you give less than 40, you will be giving on the very low end.... People who can afford it will give up to 500- and in rare cases, 1000.

Rebbes do not treat your kid better if you tip him better. At least not if hes normal. Please. That's just an immature view of the human psyche. Any amount of a tip or a thank you letter or a gift will make the Rebbe feel appreciated and feel kindly towards you and your child. If a child is from a wealthy home, it's no greater sacrifice for him to give 500 than it is for a cash-strapped family to give 40. You can't "buy off" a Rebbe - that's not how it works. Expressing your gratitude, though, along with a gift or token of appreciation in your price range, is important.

As for why a female teacher is usually given a group gift or group cash amount instead of larger individual tips? Gosh, beats me. Definitely rings of sexism. It's pretty odd really.
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usernamemom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 9:02 am
As a Morah of girls, I can say that while checks and nice gifts are very appreciated and helpful, a personal note of warmth and recognition holds a deep place in my heart. I try never to favor any kids or families, but just as I will naturally feel closer to a parent who keeps in touch about her kids, or a kid who reaches out for learning or connection, I also feel positively after any acknowledgment- card, note, gift, or phone call. And as a mother, who does try to give nicely to the Rebbes and teachers, I must add that there is an element of bribery, though it's not the main motivation. I do have hakaras hatov, and feel good contributing to ppl who build neshamos for a living, but no question that it's very human to feel somewhat beholden to those who give to us. So I guess I'm saying- do what you can; it's the thought, not the amount. Life's not perfect, favoritism exists everywhere, but our job is to do right by the people in our lives by our own standards.
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mommyla




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 11:39 am
amother wrote:
In Lakewood the reason why the school collects for the rebbe is so that parents don't give on their own.

My school doesn't.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:28 pm
mommyla wrote:
My school doesn't.


Mommyla you probably send to a more balabatish type of school like orchas chaim or Tashbar. Those are the two schools that I know don't collect for the rebbe because it is a wealthier clientele and they feel that the parent body can afford to give the rebbe more. But most of the more yeshivish boys schools in Lakewood collect for the rebbe to ease the pressure on parents not to have to bribe the rebbe and for parents to feel like wealthier parents are bribing the rebbe. These schools expect the parents to give for purim but only once a year not twice which is what is expected of Orchas Chaim and Tashbar.

I collected money for my son's class and five parents said oh we want to give on our own.

To the op she never said what type of school she is talking about. It makes a difference if the school collected on their own and no parents are giving and she wants to stick out so she gives $36 which is considered beautiful. $100 in such a school is so over the top.

On the other hand a school like Orchas Chaim I have many friends who gives the rebbe $250 and a sibling of mine teaches there and every year he gets one $1,000 check. so it really depends on what school op sends her son to.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 1:45 pm
amother wrote:
As the wife of a REBBE I can assure u that my husbands children (as he calls them) get the same treatment across the board however if a child needs special attention or accommodations a tip helps the REBBE give of his time and energy without building resentment. Basically REBBEs like all humans need recognition. A note of appreciation even during the year is a tremendous boost.
That said, we do count on tips to help us pay the bills. Any amount is appreciated


I am a public school teacher and I have all sorts of kids in my class. Some of them have issues and even disabilities, and they get special attention. I am not in touch with their parents and don't expect any recognition, you kbow why? Becausr it is my JOB to give special attention to those who need it. This is what I signed up for and what I am paid for by my school. Yes I am a human being, but I leave my human nature at home when I go to work. And I have zero resentment towards difficult kids because it is my RESPONSIBILITY to play the cards I was dealt.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 1:51 pm
cookiejar wrote:
There was no attack, rude or otherwise, on your children in my post, (which I re-read to be sure). I don't quite know where you extrapolated that from, but I am more than happy to receive a blessing! I am also happy that Rabbeim get a supplement to their small salaries this time of year. I do tip female and English teachers as well, but I have no idea how you made the leap from here into that debate. No one said "how much should we give the rabbeim and not the morahs"! This was a thread discussing the appropriate amount to tip a Rebbe. And I do not think that writing that Rabbeim should not get tipped (or should not get a large check) could be coming from a good place. No one was discussing male vs. female salary equality... To my mind, if you can afford to give the Rebbe nicely, you should. He is someone who teaches your child Torah, and has chosen for himself a profession with very limited earning potential. In the name of that, and of course, hakoras hatov, I say give it if you have it!!!!


Excuse me, what other kind of career he could have chosen fresh out of yeshiva, with no other marketable skills??
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 2:03 pm
In Lakewood rabbeim make nice money and can live better than a middle class family. They get free tuition for all their boys and many times girls too if the school they teach in has a girls school sldo which many schools in Lakewood has. Also they get tipped twice a year plus they get a huge bonus before preach and are off for teoonthd in the summer and they go to camp and are counsellors there and get free summer bungalow and food and free camp for their kids.
Plus they qualify for all government programs so no I think other people might need the money more.

Also rabbeeim preach time qualify for food by the case at cost price and chickens and meets at wholesale prices that others in town are not privy too.

So yes while I give my sons rabbeim it's not because I think their salary is low its because everyone else does it and I don't want my son to get less attention because I didn't give.
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cookiejar




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 18 2014, 2:31 pm
imaima wrote:
Excuse me, what other kind of career he could have chosen fresh out of yeshiva, with no other marketable skills??


Seriously, have you no feeling of hakoras hatov at all? I cannot believe the replies you keep posting.
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