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I have no words...



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amother


 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 4:02 pm
I cannot even describe the hopeless feeling...

I did not pay my credit card yet this month because there is no money in my account with what to pay. I still have credit available on it. I went to the supermarket today. I spent an hour there and filled up my cart. When I went to pay, my card declined. I called them and they said that because I did not pay my card on time, it is now locked until 48 hours after payment is received. I begged the lady - I am in the store!!! nothing to talk about; there was no way I could use my card. I had no cash and I could not use my debit card because my account is empty...
I left the entire wagon full of everything I needed (diapers, detergent, tissues, etc) and walked out of the store empty handed, in tears.
I work. My husband works. But the bills are more than we make. Every month the debt gets bigger.
Winter is coming. How will I buy clothing for my children? Yom tov is coming. I already bought my meats, but what about everything else?! And a month of yomim tovim means a month of no work. No work=no pay.

What do I do?!?!?! What do people do when there is just no solution?! I could not even buy diapers and detergent today!! What am I supposed to do?!
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boysrus




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 4:07 pm
major hugs to you, that was traumatic and embarrassing. can u borrow money from somewhere, somebody, a gemach, a family member? maybe other months in th future, at least borrow enough money to make the minimum payments?
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TwinsMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 6:53 pm
*hugs* do you want us to help you cut expenses, or help you with ideas to make more money? what's your profession? your husband's? would you like to put up your expenses and income and we can brainstorm?
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lk1234




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 7:21 pm
No advice but hugs= that must have been very traumatic to have to go through such an experience.

What has been helping me is setting my intention every single day and saying this out loud- I want to make more money today. I want opportunities to come my way that will give me a chance to earn money easily so that I can afford all the things that I want.
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Emotional




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 8:16 pm
lk1234 wrote:
No advice but hugs= that must have been very traumatic to have to go through such an experience.

What has been helping me is setting my intention every single day and saying this out loud- I want to make more money today. I want opportunities to come my way that will give me a chance to earn money easily so that I can afford all the things that I want.

Unless she's an employee with a fixed salary.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 8:27 pm
amother wrote:

I work. My husband works. But the bills are more than we make. Every month the debt gets bigger.
Winter is coming. How will I buy clothing for my children? Yom tov is coming. I already bought my meats, but what about everything else?! And a month of yomim tovim means a month of no work. No work=no pay.

What do I do?!?!?! What do people do when there is just no solution?! I could not even buy diapers and detergent today!! What am I supposed to do?!


I am so sorry for your situation, but there is a solution. Please start by checking some books out of the library that will give you encouragement. I'd start with Dave Ramsey.

Secondly, don't worry about winter clothing. I'm sure you can borrow clothing or take hand me downs. Same with yom tov, "make your Shabbos like a weekday." It isn't a magical solution but making your Shabbos like a weekday is the way to a brighter future.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 8:47 pm
boysrus wrote:
major hugs to you, that was traumatic and embarrassing. can u borrow money from somewhere, somebody, a gemach, a family member? maybe other months in th future, at least borrow enough money to make the minimum payments?

It's a horrible situation to be in, but a person who can't make ends meet and doesn't see his situation improving in the near future should not be borrowing money. It will get them into more trouble.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 9:05 pm
I will buy you diapers and detergent. Do you live in New York? I can try to help you with groceries. I also have beautiful weekday and shabbos clothing that I would give to you. All great condition and a lot of it European brand names. Pm me if you want.
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infj




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 9:12 pm
If you give me sizes and an address we could mail you diapers (my kids are changing sizes) Also meat is expensive maybe you could use some financial advice on what is really necessary and whats just nice to have. There are also gemachs and people constantly getting rid of small clothes that should cut down some expense too. If credit card debt is the issue, I know a guy who can make it disappear if its really high. Any family who could maybe help?
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iriska_meller




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 9:15 pm
Please PM me your address and the things you need, like diapers/household stuff, I would be happy to send some to you.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:36 pm
wow. OP here. Just reading the responses here has me crying all over again... You ladies are so sweet.
Tomorrow is pay day and I will be able to go back to the supermarket and redo my whole shopping... I don't think I would be able to accept things like diapers from strangers... that would make me feel even worse... but I really sincerely appreciate the offers.
infj - credit card debt is a major issue! How can someone make it disappear?! And no, unfortunately I do not have family that can help...
As for the meats I mentioned - my brother in law works for a butcher out of town and he sends me meat for half price. So I actually paid really cheap for all of that...
And as for my job - I work in an office doing typical office work. No potential... I used to have an amazing job at a great company that paid really well but the company closed down a few years ago...
I would love to do something that makes more money but that is not so easy to come by...
Thanks again to all of you for the advice and the words of encouragement. I really can use it. I feel so broken...
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amother


 

Post Thu, Sep 18 2014, 1:55 am
It is hard to be poor. Many hugs to you.
Do you keep a budget of every purchase and expense you make? have you tried to cut back? Do you have a cheap cell phone plan (like tracfone, metro pcs, cricket) or a regular one? Do you go to used clothes stores or gemachs? Do you try to find coupons for household products like diapers or shop around and compare prices?
Does your husband work?
I can try to give more specific advice if you give me your monthly income and expenses. Sometimes you won't see where to cut back or how to increase income and other people can give you ideas.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 18 2014, 6:09 am
OP, if you have a daughter who is a size 8 I have several nice, practically brand new outfits I could send you, as well as a few coats and jackets. A few pairs of new Shabbos shoes in size 3, too (worn once).

DD is an only child, and when she outgrows her clothes sometimes she grows so fast that she only wears something once or twice before it gets too small. Since she has no younger siblings, I'm always happy to pass things along to other families who might want them.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 18 2014, 7:45 am
amother wrote:

infj - credit card debt is a major issue! How can someone make it disappear?!


You can't make this disappear, but sometimes you can settle a good portion of the debt. But please be forewarned that what you settle will become income, reportable on taxes to the extent that it is taxable which could be anything from zero to the amount they report to the IRS which is the amount you settle.
There is certainly no reason not to reach out to the credit card company and try to settle some of the debt. You don't need to pay someone to do that and I'd stay far away from companies that make things "disappear". A lot of these companies are super shady. There are other groups that are worth joining that can help you with your finances. A Jewish group is meslia, but there are other reliable non-profit groups and you should go ahead and introduce yourself to the Dave Ramsey program. I've heard debtors anonymous is a good support group also.

And don't be too proud to take little bits of help here and there with the idea in mind that you are working to get to the point of being the giver. You mentioned your fear of buying winter clothing. A little secret is that a lot of your neighbors that are succeeding financially don't buy clothing but pass it around the neighborhood. Eliminating some of these expenses is the key to more financial freedom.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:28 pm
Hi OP, I have been in your situation - really. There are lots more people than you know about who are struggling financially - don't think you're alone! Do not be embarrassed to take hand me downs - people do it all the time. I have a neighbor with 5 girls, and she gives me lots of girls clothes for my daughter. I also get clothes from the gemach in town. The only person who knows is the woman who runs the gemach! People feel good giving away things that they no longer need, rather than just having them sit in a box taking up space. So don't feel bad about it. Sometimes Hashem makes us the giver, and sometimes He makes us the taker. You are giving others the opportunity to give. Don't feel bad about yourself - you are working and doing your best! Wishing you a year of bracha and parnassah!
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tomboy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:39 pm
I am so proud to be part of this beautiful nation! look at the responses! hugs OP. I hope the new year brings prosperity and good health to you and your fam! I recommend calling up the CC company and making a settlement. Good luck and keep us posted!
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carmelita




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 18 2014, 12:41 pm
OP - one thing that may help since you said you still have credit ALWAYS pay the minimum amount on your credit card bills as soon as they come. Usually it's only $25 or $35 and it will let you keep using the card during this difficult period. Good luck with it - Y"T season and back to school comes with so many extra expenses, hopefully it will be easier for you in a few weeks.
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das




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 18 2014, 1:38 pm
Today you accept help, tomorrow you're on the giving end. Do not be ashamed to accept help, one day you'll pay it fwd.
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prestige




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 18 2014, 1:55 pm
WOW Me ka'amcha Yisroel!!! Hashem look at your children who are ready in a blink of an eye to help an anonymous women!

Hugs to you OP - should hashem shower you with an abundent of parnassah!!
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 18 2014, 2:11 pm
OP, many, many of us have BTDT. Anyone whose parnosseh comes from self-employment has almost certainly had some harrowing ups and downs, and that can include many people whom all of us might consider very wealthy.

Before working on a financial plan, I'd recommend dealing with the immediate problems by contacting whatever Jewish tzeddakah resources exist in your community, and if you live in a very small community, pursue non-Jewish resources, like food pantries. Yes, you'll be embarrassed at first, but try to overcome it. Believe me, the people who administer these organizations talk to people all the time; they're unlikely to remember you, let alone judge you.

Once you've met your immediate needs for food for the Yomim Tovim and winter clothing for your kids, you can start to explore other options to either earn more income or somehow reduce expenses.

But seriously -- don't let embarrassment keep you from asking for or receiving help. And as annoying and humiliating as having your card declined was, try not to take it personally. I once heard Oprah Winfrey describe going on a trip to a gift shop while attending the Davos convention. A line of attendees had formed, and she was chatting with Melinda Gates, who was standing behind her. Sure enough, her fancy black Amex card was declined. It wasn't anything significant -- she was using it in a different country and they suspected fraud or something. But she described her embarrassment perfectly: she said, "To this day, whenever I swipe my card, I'm thinking, "dear G-d, please let it go through."

I figured if Oprah could survive that -- in front of Melinda Gates, no less -- I could handle a little embarrassment at the local Piggly Wiggly.
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