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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Sis inlaw wants us to chip in 4 bugaboo
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amother


 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 9:59 am
My sister in laws daughter (my niece ) is expecting soon and being that I just had a baby myself, sil was discussing strollers with me. Then she told me that her daughter wants a bugaboo and can we please chip in for it as a baby gift because it's so expensive. I don't want to chip in but I don't want to seem petty either. We can afford it so that would not be an excuse.
My reasons - I feel like if you can't afford a $1200 stroller then you shouldn't have one. (For the record I have a citi mini)
The young couple can't afford it so they
Are putting it on their parents who can't afford it so the parents are asking their sibs to pitch in for it. I think it's tacky.
Should I just pitch in or decline?
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Rainbows613




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:02 am
Decline!! You're reasoning is 100% correct- the bugaboo is def one of the most expensive- they probably want it because of social pressure.. you shouldn't be pressurized to chip in for it-unless you offered a gift and that's what they asked for.. don't feel guilty!
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:13 am
If you're planning on getting them a baby gift (and I would assume an aunt would buy her niece a gift), maybe pitch in whatever amount you would otherwise spend on a gift. I think your logic is silly. People get gifts all the time, it's part of life. I can't afford Manolos on my own, but my mother has given me Manolos, so I have a few pairs. According to you, I have to get rid of them because I didn't get them myself? I mean, don't do anything you don't want to do, but if you are going to get her a gift anyway, why not go with what you KNOW she wants rather than take the gamble of trying to decide what she might want. BTW, I think your niece is being very silly- she should let her relatives get her different things so that she's covered on the baby gear rather than putting all her eggs in the stroller basket. But to each their own. What do you get out of standing on principle here?
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:14 am
Ugh, big fat decline. So wrong on so many levels. Sounds like they both live in some bizarre fantasy world. Guess I see where the daughter got it from.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:16 am
Total chutzpah, though it sounds as if the apple didn't far from the tree. Your niece should buy herself (or at the very least, your sister in law) a stroller she/they can afford.
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:16 am
morah wrote:
If you're planning on getting them a baby gift (and I would assume an aunt would buy her niece a gift), maybe pitch in whatever amount you would otherwise spend on a gift. I think your logic is silly. People get gifts all the time, it's part of life. I can't afford Manolos on my own, but my mother has given me Manolos, so I have a few pairs. According to you, I have to get rid of them because I didn't get them myself? I mean, don't do anything you don't want to do, but if you are going to get her a gift anyway, why not go with what you KNOW she wants rather than take the gamble of trying to decide what she might want. BTW, I think your niece is being very silly- she should let her relatives get her different things so that she's covered on the baby gear rather than putting all her eggs in the stroller basket. But to each their own. What do you get out of standing on principle here?


I assumed that the SIL wanted her to pitch in a significant amount. If she was planning on spending $20-$30 on a baby gift, why would the SIL even count that as pitching in towards a bugaboo? If she'd be happy with that amount, I guess OP could just do that. But it seems weird.
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Miri1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:19 am
The request was tacky, but that's not your concern - you can just give your own monetary gift, and tell her you want to give her money as it's more versatile - how she uses it, well that's her decision....

(If it is appropriate, you can also add your own two cents that the Bugaboo isn't worth it with all the other gear she'll be needing)
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cfriedman2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:19 am
why not chip in what you were going to spend on her baby gift? Thats what she wants even though it might not seem realistic to you. If you really dont want to chip in then let them know that you already know what you want to get them for a gift and you are going to do it on your own.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:23 am
amother wrote:
My sister in laws daughter (my niece ) is expecting soon and being that I just had a baby myself, sil was discussing strollers with me. Then she told me that her daughter wants a bugaboo and can we please chip in for it as a baby gift because it's so expensive. I don't want to chip in but I don't want to seem petty either. We can afford it so that would not be an excuse.
My reasons - I feel like if you can't afford a $1200 stroller then you shouldn't have one. (For the record I have a citi mini)
The young couple can't afford it so they
Are putting it on their parents who can't afford it so the parents are asking their sibs to pitch in for it. I think it's tacky.
Should I just pitch in or decline?


Why shouldn't people receive gifts that they couldn't afford to purchase themselves?

I own a very lovely set of china. I couldn't afford to go out and buy all of it today. Fortunately, I received most of the pieces as wedding gifts. By your reasoning, I have no right to own it.

Ditto my engagement ring, which was inherited.

There's no reason that a group of people shouldn't all chip in to purchase a very expensive gift for someone, if that's what the person really wants.

But if you don't want to chip in, just say that you've already selected a gift.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:27 am
groovy1224 wrote:
I assumed that the SIL wanted her to pitch in a significant amount. If she was planning on spending $20-$30 on a baby gift, why would the SIL even count that as pitching in towards a bugaboo? If she'd be happy with that amount, I guess OP could just do that. But it seems weird.


Right. I said she should chip in whatever she was planning to spend on a gift. Maybe that was $20, maybe it was $100. She definitely shouldn't spend more than whatever she was planning to budget, but I don't see why, knowing that he SIL wants a bugaboo, she can't contribute the amount of her budget rather than going out and getting a different gift. Personally, I think bugaboos are ridiculous and the niece would be better off asking for specific items that she will need (and NOT demand the most high end), but if she'd rather ask 10 people WHO WILL BE GETTING HER A GIFT ANYWAY to chip in toward one super expensive item that really wants, who are we to judge? I think people on this board are too quick to huff and puff about "entitlement". Sure, entitlement is rampant in this generation, but it's not hiding behind every single rock and tree.
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asmileaday




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:29 am
Whether it's correct for your niece to get a bugaboo or not is none of your business.

Personally I think it's insane to get such an expensive carriage. I happen to like the functionality of the carriage. I can push 2 heavy kids in it (1 with a buggy board) and it's a breeze. But never in the world would I pay that price. I bought mine on ebay for $300!

But of course which young couple would get a second hand stroller g-d forbid!

But putting all the insanity aside if you were planning on getting a gift anyway just contribute the amount you were originally intending to.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:33 am
When my nephew was born a few years ago (in Israel) my SIL wanted a bugaboo or similar baby carriage. Though I don't begin to comprehend the bugaboo fever, and I've never spent more than $200 on a baby carriage myself, I'm not one to stand on ceremony. I found a bugaboo on Albeebaby for about $600 (it was actually cheaper than some of the other brands she mentioned like uppababy, etc..), and my siblings and I all chipped in for the gift. Her father shlepped it to Israel for her.

I know she loved the gift, and I'm glad to have been part of a gift that she is still enjoying.
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Sherri




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:38 am
How much were you planning to spend on your gift initially? How much would you have to give now to chip in?
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centurion




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:40 am
morah wrote:
If you're planning on getting them a baby gift (and I would assume an aunt would buy her niece a gift), maybe pitch in whatever amount you would otherwise spend on a gift. I think your logic is silly. People get gifts all the time, it's part of life. I can't afford Manolos on my own, but my mother has given me Manolos, so I have a few pairs. According to you, I have to get rid of them because I didn't get them myself? I mean, don't do anything you don't want to do, but if you are going to get her a gift anyway, why not go with what you KNOW she wants rather than take the gamble of trying to decide what she might want. BTW, I think your niece is being very silly- she should let her relatives get her different things so that she's covered on the baby gear rather than putting all her eggs in the stroller basket. But to each their own. What do you get out of standing on principle here?


Gifts are allowed to be over the top and more expensive than the giftee can afford for herself/himself. You mention you often get expensive shoes as a gift. did you ask for them? As in, I know you offered to buy me shoes, I know you might want to buy me a sturdy pair of clarks that are perfectly functional, but all my friends have manolos, so can I too?
That said, I wouldn't feel completely happy chipping in (for pretty much the same reason as you) but I probably would anyway because even if I don't agree with their reasoning, I accept their decision. if you really don't want to, you can say that you already got a gift, or that you'd rather buy something on your own than chip in for something.
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2gether




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:41 am
I think you should offer your sil to put in the amount that you'd spend on a present. If it isn't sufficent then it's not your job to buy then a bugaboo.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:42 am
I think your SIL was totally wrong for asking. But.... if you can afford it and were planning on getting her a gift anyway, just chip in. It's always best to make peace in my opinion.
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:47 am
I would just chip in. You are going to give a gift anyhow and you aren't spending more by doing it this way. And this way niece gets what she wants most.

Is it stupid for people to get a luxury stroller when they have no money? Yup. Is it stupid to have everyone go on in this gift instead of getting necessities she needs? Yup. But being stupid is allowed and as the gift-giver I feel like the point is to give the recipient something they really want. And clearly the bugaboo is it. Even if it is really stupid.
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Mrs.K




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:48 am
Why is this any different then the concept of registering?

I'm not the bugaboo type and my most expensive stroller was a Graco, but isn't registering the exact same thing? I want all these nice gifts and I can't afford them so instead of chipping in for a hideous punch bowl, I'd rather XYZ instead.

I think it's tacky to ask in that way but chipping in for gifts isn't a new, crazy concept. I personally would rather chip in for something I know is wanted then for something that will sit in the attic.

Would anyone feel this way if it was something other then a Bugaboo? Or is it just that Bugaboos have always been 'controversial'?
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Butterfly




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:53 am
If you have presented yourself as a generous gift giver in the past, your SIL might assume that you are probably going to present your niece with a generous gift (amount) as well.

If that's the case, I think that her request is quite legitimate....
No one gets to decide how much she should or shouldn't spend for whatever items she decides to buy.

Honestly when it comes to gift giving amongst close family members I.e. nieces, nephews and grandkids I usually ask what they would like for me to get them.
If I spend the money I would rather they appreciate and enjoy what I got for them, be it via $$$ money or otherwise.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 10:53 am
centurion wrote:
Gifts are allowed to be over the top and more expensive than the giftee can afford for herself/himself. You mention you often get expensive shoes as a gift. did you ask for them? As in, I know you offered to buy me shoes, I know you might want to buy me a sturdy pair of clarks that are perfectly functional, but all my friends have manolos, so can I too?
That said, I wouldn't feel completely happy chipping in (for pretty much the same reason as you) but I probably would anyway because even if I don't agree with their reasoning, I accept their decision. if you really don't want to, you can say that you already got a gift, or that you'd rather buy something on your own than chip in for something.


I was responding to the OP's assertion that "if you can't afford it, you shouldn't have it", which is patently ridiculous. No, I didn't ask for the Manolos, my mom got them as samples and passed them off to me :-) I don't think the niece is as demanding as some people are making her out to be. She wants a bugaboo. She has not demanded that anyone go and drop $1,200 on one. She has asked relatives who are going to get her a gift anyway to pitch in toward this particular purchase. There is no indication that she has dictated the contribution (though if she has, OP can correct me on that). Is it silly? Sure. When I was pregnant with my first and aunts and uncles were asking me what I needed/wanted, I said hmmm, well I need a baby bath, a stroller, a carrier, a bouncy seat, some clothes, etc etc etc. I think that's a better idea, so she doesn't find herself with an awesome stroller and none of the other basics. But she is choosing the fancy stroller instead, and that doesn't make her a whiny ball of entitlement.
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