Until What Age is a Woman Attractive and Desirable

amother

Thu, Aug 28 2014, 10:42 pm

Being desirable and being good-looking aren't one and the same. And everyone doesn't have the same standards of attraction and desirability. One man likes women who are lanky while another prefers zoftig. One likes the polished femme-fatale look and another likes a naked face, flaws and all. So the question isn't how long can a woman be attractive and desirable, it's how long can she be that way to the person she wishes to attract. Or maybe, more importantly, how long can she be that way to herself, since the world often sees you the way you see yourself.

My question to you, OP is, to whom do you want to be attractive and desirable? I myself have zero interest in attracting anyone whose knowledge of typewriters, cursive writing and the Space Race came out of a history book. Life is more about sharing thoughts, and the older you get, it becomes more and more about sharing recollections. You need to have a common frame of reference.

More to the point, I have no interest in attracting or being desired by any male other than my dh. I want to be presentable, of course; there's no reason to scare small children. But "presentable" is not all that hard to achieve. All it takes is basic grooming, personal hygiene and proper medical and dental care. If I were ch"v single again and looking to remarry, I might want to go beyond "presentable", but I still wouldn't be looking to attract men many years my junior. Even in my youthful prime, I knew I wasn't going to catch and hold a man on the strength of my looks alone. I needed something else--brains, humor, kindness, whatever. The upside of this is that, barring terrible circumstances like early-onset dementia, brains, humor and kindness usually stay with you well into your golden years, for life if you're lucky, without nearly the kind of effort needed to maintain good looks.

Nobody cheers when they find that first grey hair or that poochy belly that just won't go away. But I'm not afraid of them and won't go into seclusion every time I find a new crease in my face or vein on the back of my hands. I have no intention of trying to hoodwink the world into thinking I'm 15 or 20 years younger than I am. So long as they don't take me for older than I am, I'm quite willing to be a "pleasant-looking woman of uncertain age". Or even of "a certain age." I hope to eventually be "a cute old lady". I think I will embrace being a cute old lady since my build doesn't lend itself to being a "regal dowager".

What scares me about aging is not what it is doing to my looks. What scares me is the thought of what it will do to my abilities: my ability to get around, do the things I want, enjoy the things I enjoy, remember the things I want to remember and learn the things I want to learn. The thought of having that taken away from me--that scares the living daylights out of me.

marina

Fri, Aug 29 2014, 2:47 pm

In contrast to many other things, this fear of aging - I think - results directly from the society around us and the creepy way we idolize the young. Every day on the radio I hear ads for cosmetic surgery and they creep me out. The IDEAL YOU. 1800 BE IDEAL. It's all designed to make you feel undesirable unless you buy their products.

This culture exacerbates whatever natural self conciousness we feel about our aging bodies and creates an ugly cult of beauty.

I have a coworker in her mid twenties. Who gets botox injections monthly. Because she once saw a crease on her forehead. That's just mentally unwell.

Dolly Welsh

Fri, Aug 29 2014, 3:02 pm

"What scares me about aging is not what it is doing to my looks. What scares me is the thought of what it will do to my abilities: my ability to get around, do the things I want, enjoy the things I enjoy, remember the things I want to remember and learn the things I want to learn. The thought of having that taken away from me--that scares the living daylights out of me."

Don't worry. It's not going to happen. Your mind changes, yes, but only for the better.

Marina is right; people absolutely should not get silly about this.

Some people just don't get old. You can be one of them.

debsey

Fri, Aug 29 2014, 6:38 pm

marina wrote:

I once saw an interview with Bob Harper (the celebrity trainer from Biggest Loser) and he was asked what his greatest fear is. He answered so sincerely "Aging......"
I really, sincerely think that we trade one power (the power of being attractive, which works on both men and women) for other powers (the power of confidence, the power of wisdom, the power of experience) and that it's a worthwhile trade-off, just our culture doesn't respect it.