I'm a good Jew but...

amother

Sat, Jul 26 2014, 10:36 pm

I meant to quote this:

I was replying to the amother who claimd I was a good faster if I did not need a heter, not to my first post. sorry, I cant seem to cut an paste between screens. I am the cancer amother

amother wrote:

Im oh so glad that you think you can judge. I have ended nearly all of my fasts vomiting and nauseous, and miserably sick after I did eat and drink, and miserable the next day. I lived through hypermesis with all my pregnancies, and was still told to fast, so I did. I actually was so sick that I passed out the day before the fast, in a crowded store. I still had to fast. It was miserable. All I could think was how badly I needed to drin for 26 hours. then I drank after the fast, and threw up non stop for three days.

Yeah I know what bad fasting was like. I even had to fast YK with 103 fever, throwing up, and unable to drink even enough to take tylenol.

Please you are not the only one who fasts badly. I never resented it. I did my best to stay in bed and hydrate the day before. every fast was 3 days of misery for me. I still wish I was healthy enough to fast this one. Instead, I will be on an active cycle of chemo. so yes Count your blessings and do your best.

ectomorph

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 12:57 am

amother wrote:

This is ridiculous. You need to ask another Rav. Common sense is that you shouldn't have fasted. My fasting is nowhere near as bad as yours and I was told by respected Rabbonim not to fast.

I've been told to break my fast as soon as I feel myself getting to a point where I'll have to break the fast later, and not to wait until the last minute because that just makes you sicker.

Lady Bug

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 1:30 am

amother wrote:

I'm sorry about your health.

I do think that you were not keeping halacha properly by fasting in those situations. You should not be priding yourself for fasting, you should be teaching other women to learn from your mistakes and to know when to eat and when to fast.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 1:58 am

@Heidi, there is a solid minhag in come circles that women must cover all the times, even at home. I don't know that poster's minhagim, but to imply that is was a "joke" was totally uncalled for. I reported you to the mods. You don't cover, great, that's your minhag. You don't know what other people struggle with.

Regarding fasting, my DH told me this: A bad Jew cries because he has to fast. A good Jew cries because he wants to fast, but is told that for his health he cannot.

The proper frame of mind is that we should all WANT to do the mitzvot to our ultimate ability, and to recognize what we struggle with. We should pray for strength, guidance, and wisdom.

amother

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 3:32 am

amother wrote:

I feel terrible that I responded in a way that caused you pain. Please forgive me:(

I was told by one of the most renowned poskim is yerushalayim that it is assur for me to fast when I'm pregnant. In my naïveté I assumed that if anyone would have symptoms like you, ever, they would be told the same thing.

amother

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 3:32 am

ectomorph wrote:

your assumpton that I did not ask is wrong. there isnt much one can do about YK.. 9 av is more lenient. but thanks for assuming I'm an idiot. I did what I was told to do. not fating last YK was the hardest thing I ever did, but the right thing in my situation. I cried when I broke my fast.

amother

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 7:00 am

amother wrote:

I'm this same amother. Anyway I just asked and the rav said if I'm starting to feel dizzy or faint or start having a headache I should break it right away but this is only after I've prepared for the week before eating a lot of vegetable soups and drinking a lot of water.

I'm so relieved!!!

I know you're not supposed to ask more than one rav but it seems like what your rav (amother whom I'm responding to) told you is downright dangerous!!

ectomorph

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 9:35 am

amother wrote:

I ddid not intend to imply any such thing. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. However, I do think that sometimes one needs to use common sense, and ask another Rav if you receive a psak that is contrary to common sense or medical treatment.

Yes, Y"K is stricter than Tisha B'av but it is still more important to live than to fast, and your situation sounds life threatening.

I am pretty sure that a 103 fever with vomiting is a choleh sheyesh bo sakana (a sick person in danger of death) and that is why it sounds very off to me that you were told to fast on Y"K, especially after fainting the day before.

Butterfly

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 1:01 pm

OP, in certan Chassidish groups the dayanim do NOT allow nursing or pregnant women to fast on tisha ba'av.

About the music issue I am also aware of instances where women were given heters to listen to music during the sefira days for the same reason that you feel the need to listen to music. I'm not sure about the three weeks though, but I'd assume that there is this possibility that one would get the same heter for this too if it were for emotional reasons. Not sure though.

Most importantly, keap in mind that you ARE a good Jew!!

sequoia

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 1:10 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Why would you report Heidi for not knowing something? She asked sincerely if it was a joke, because that's how it sounded. I thought the same thing.

miami85

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 1:21 pm

You're not a "bad Jew" for any of those things--you are human, all of those things are REASONS we have rabbonim to ask questions to. Most of those are regular shailos.

I just heard a shiur and the rav spoke about how it says "Asei l'cha rav" Asei=action, it takes actions to make and find a rav that you feel comfortable asking questions to. Most of those situations are very personal and you should explain yourself accordingly. I know it Judaism, we don't generally go "rabbi shopping" but finding a competent posek b'halacha you should be able to come away with answers that are more satisfying. I was always told that the reason for a Rav is to help you, not make things more difficult. I can't tell you how many times asking a rav I was surprised at the answer.

Regarding the music, I think I heard that the prohibition for music is only really uplifting and joyous music, if you are stressed out and need something to help you relax I believe that there's room to be makel. I actually took advantage of that last week.

UQT

Sun, Jul 27 2014, 9:21 pm

I don't know if this will inspire you at all but this year, with the war going on in EY I find that I am really able to relate to T'Bav. My heart and thoughts are over in Israel with our brethren and I do feel guilty with our carefree existence in US. I am glad that we have this time to "suffer" a bit and feel restrictions, cumulating in a day of fast to help keep our minds focused.

amother

Mon, Jul 28 2014, 12:37 pm

ectomorph wrote:

I was 15 at the time. It was a bad virus. My father asked are chassidish rav, he said I could take the tylenol but no water. I got sick YK night. there really ws no other rav to ask. Myfathers rav is generally quite lenient. but could not find a heter for me.

Heyaaa

Mon, Jul 28 2014, 1:30 pm

amother wrote:

That's really horrible. I can't imagine Sad

I've thrown up a few times on a fast but never had a high fever.

Did you look into doing IV for the fast? On 9av they can put it in as soon as you begin to feel sick. For YK they only insert the needle before and give you the bags to administer when you need.