You're a Mrs. when you're a Mommy....

PAMOM

Wed, Jul 23 2014, 3:42 pm

I want my children's friends and others to respect me. I don't need "Mrs" to be respected in social circumstances. However, I do use my title in professional circumstances-/ very different.

little_mage

Wed, Jul 23 2014, 4:12 pm

For those who find that Mrs. lastname makes you feel old, what do you think about Ms. Firstname? I dislike the idea of children simply calling adults by first name, so I'll encourage them to use Mr. or Ms. firstname instead.

busydev

Wed, Jul 23 2014, 4:28 pm

I dunno but why do I not feel old being called mrs lastname?

maybe cause I started a new job the day after sheva brachos and thats all they called me so it was just normal pretty quick???

I refer to my married friends as Mrs. X or chaims mommy to my children. my unmarried friends im never sure of and so far (my kid is young enough) that I just refer to them as mommys friend and he isnt calling them anything. but ill prob ask if they are still single once he wants to call them something. probably would be aunt first name.

I would call my mothers good friends mrs. x but refer to them to my mother by their first name... and the rest were all by mrs. x.

DH's mother has a single friend who they call Miss. Miriam.

what I have a hard time is calling my now neighbors that are ~8-10 years older then me- before I was married they were mrs. X if I ever had any thing to do with them.... but then I was married and expeted to call them Chani and Leah. weird....

anon for this

Wed, Jul 23 2014, 4:32 pm

little_mage wrote:

Thanks! I was going to post this. My children call neighbors and friends' parents "Mr. LastName" but use this in many other situations. My daughter calls her OT "Ms. Wendy". If I knew an adult who preferred to be called by his first name, I'd encourage my children to call him "Mr. Fred" rather than simply "Fred", unless he objected.

Barbara, would you be offended if a child called you "Ms. Barbara" rather than "Barbara"?

debsey

Wed, Jul 23 2014, 4:46 pm

When I was single and working in a school, I was "Miss". Same when I was working in an office. Yes, it's old fashioned, but I WANTED that boundary there. Did I expect my neighbor's kids to call me Miss when I babysat? No. But I wouldn't have liked the father of my babysitting charges calling me by my first name. I was raised that this is impolite.
If I had a friend who was Ms. or Miss, and wanted that form of address, I'd INSIST on my children using it.
The nurse in my daughter's school is single. The kids call her "Nurse Batsheva." That works for me.
debsey

chocolate chips

Wed, Jul 23 2014, 5:19 pm

My son calls his friends mothers (such as my landlord) as "chaims mommy". And I refer to them as so. Unless I am talking to her directly.

If it is a close family/friend it is by name.

I guess Mrs is just very formal. Growing up we called all the other ladies of the community as Mrs. Now looking back, they were my age. And I would feel so old.

Then again if one of my nieces friends came over and called me by my first name I would probably be a bit miffed. There a certain level of respect held by calling Mrs.

But I also do not get the whole kids/no kids thing. A mrs is a mrs no matter her stance.
I would say when a person gets married they are a mrs and otherwise Ms past a certain age (I can't imagine any 20 year old single girl wanting to be called Ms).

It really depends on the relationship with the person IMO.

amother

Wed, Jul 23 2014, 11:32 pm

Well, I'm a teacher for many years now, and I have former students that now have children the same age as my youngest. So, when I'm in a situation where it's parent to parent, they are still calling me Mrs. X. That seems weird to me. However, for my kids every adult has some title, in my husband's family, some of my kids first cousins are grown ups (married and with kids), so they are "Cousin Yosef" or "Cousin Miriam"

But what do you do about someone who was around as a teenager/young adult when your kids were little, so they call him "Joey" but then he gets married and has kids. Does he then stay "Joey," or become "Mr. Y?"

I also have a neighbor who when the kids were little asked that they not call her "Mrs. A," but use her first name. We agreed, because she asked us specifically, my kids know this isn't the general rule though.

amother

Wed, Jul 23 2014, 11:43 pm

amother wrote:

And from my example above what would your daughter call Suri Katz? And how your she call Esti Stern, a 30year old women who is not married?

Thank you for acknowledging my pain. When I was 30 and single a very pleasant young woman passed me in the street and said to her little daughter "say good shabbos to the girl". Even now it makes me want to cry.
Signed,
Mrs. Esti (Stern) Greenberg

finprof

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 9:44 am

Mrs. last name makes me feel old because its what I call DH's grandma (his mom remarried). I prefer my first name or Dr. first name if people want to be formal. I always ask what people want my kids to call them, but when in doubt we say Mr or Ms for anyone past college age.

On side note getting mail addressed to Mrs. DH's name really pisses me off!

Barbara

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 9:56 am

anon for this wrote:

I'd feel like I was living in a 50s-era Southern novel, but I wouldn't be offended.

I think I was unclear. I have friends who object to the fact that I don't use DH's last name. And so they consistently "forget." They introduce me as FirstName DHLast Name, or tell their kids "give that to Mrs. DHLastName." That's not my name. And since I don't use DH's name, I'm not "Mrs." So if you want your kids to call me Honorific LastName, fine. But the honorific is "Ms." and the last name is Mine.

Ruchel

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 1:00 pm

I love being Mrs (madame). I correct (unless it's like a cashier) if called Miss. I also insist on being called my husband's last name. As a single I would have corrected Mrs to Miss, absolutely.

amother

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 1:30 pm

personally I cringe when ppl call me Mrs.... I'm in my early 20's and hearing that just makes me think of my mil (uch) to answer your question, when we were kids we all called my parents friends by their first names, when we got older, like around 8-10 our parents taught us to start saying Mrs/Mr.

suzyq

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 1:35 pm

Barbara wrote:

I always thought the title Mrs simply connoted marriage - I didn't know that if you don't take your husband's last name, you aren't a Mrs!

anon for this

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 4:46 pm

Barbara wrote:

LOL, I feel that way sort of too, but my older kids picked it up from their daycare center and it is a convenient form of address.

ima_dina084

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 10:34 pm

amother wrote:

We actually did have a couple for a meal one time who insisted on calling me and my husband Mrs. and Mr. the entire meal. They were the same age as us, and I asked them a few times to call me by my first name. It was weird.

I've once heard a rabbi explain that practice as a form of tznius barrier. It prevents familiar and relaxed friendships between genders which could lead to inappropriate behavior. Could of been their reason.

eta
Reading all the possible scenarios and what ifs made me dizzy. Barbara im with you. I prefer first name only. I specifically dislike ms. Firstname more than mrs last name, the former sounding so ridiculous to me.

ElTam

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 11:35 pm

My kids do NOT call adults by their first names. To me, it is a total lack of kavod, regardless of marital status or if they have children. If need be, we go with Miss or Mister and then the first name.

The one struggle I find is with women who used to baby sit for us and who are now married. I tell my kids, you need to call her Mrs. Ploni now, and the young lady will say, no, no, I'm Sarah or Rivkah or whatever still. I don't want the lady to feel uncomfortable, but I also do not think it is good chinuch for a child to call an adult by their first name.

ElTam

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 11:41 pm

Barbara, that's tremendously rude. You should look under the table and say, oh, is Mrs. DH's LastName here? I didn't realize my mother-in-law had slipped in without me noticing.

sky

Thu, Jul 24 2014, 11:59 pm

My kids refer to all adults as Mrs\Miss Last Name, whether they are married or not, and whether they have children or not.
I know a man who was never married who is about 65. He is very hurt when parents introduce him to
their children by his first name. he feels like he deserves the same respect as any other adult.
Most of my neighbors are at least 15 years older then me. I call most of them Mrs even though they are the ones I schmooze with - on many occasions they have asked me to call them by their first name - but it is too weird for me. I will refer to them by first name in conversation to someone else.