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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
You're a Mrs. when you're a Mommy....
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 8:41 am
I am young and within the early years of married life. I find that my neighbors kids call me by my first name and I am comfortable and OK with that. But I've been thinking about it and wonder why this is so. In a few years when BE"H I'll have kids playing with theirs I think it'll be inappropriate for them to call me by my first name.

Thoughts?
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Motherlee




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 8:51 am
Ever since I had a baby my neighbor keeps reminding her children to call me Mrs.

It really grates on my nerves. Makes me feel old.

That's my take.
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bigsis144




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 9:14 am
Even if at first being called "Mrs." did make me feel old, I REALLY REALLY believe it's important for chinuch that there's a barrier of respect between children and adults. One of those barriers is not calling adults by their first names, which implies equality.

Familiarity != equality.

When I grew up, all adults were "Mrs. Schwartz", or "Morah Bracha" or for close family friends who weren't technically related "Doda Yaffa". Even a special nickname (we call my mother's sister "TL", which is short for Tanta Leslie, and my father's younger brother is "Uncle Squishy") is preferable to just calling an adult by their first name.

Just MHO.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 9:19 am
I dislike kids daring to use first name with me. Unless family friends. Friends of my kids need to call me mrs or mrs surname or "kid's mom" (lol).
Mora Ruchel or mrs or mrs surname if they're student of some kind.
But I would have set the thing earlier... it's not about motherhood. I called my old spinster neighbour Miss Anne.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 1:06 pm
What I dont understand is why you have to be a mommy to be called Mrs.

19year old Chani Friedman who had a kid 10 months after her wedding is referred to as Mrs. Friedman but Suri Katz who is married 10 years and struggling with infertility is still being referred to as Suri.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 1:08 pm
amother wrote:
What I dont understand is why you have to be a mommy to be called Mrs.

19year old Chani Friedman who had a kid 10 months after her wedding is referred to as Mrs. Friedman but Suri Katz who is married 10 years and struggling with infertility is still being referred to as Suri.


Exactly my question. (op)
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MMCH




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 1:08 pm
I would not like being called "mrs.x" at all. it makes me feel old.
I do however teach my daughter to call my friends, "dovids mommy"


I feel theres a small amount of respect there.
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suzyq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 1:13 pm
amother wrote:
What I dont understand is why you have to be a mommy to be called Mrs.

19year old Chani Friedman who had a kid 10 months after her wedding is referred to as Mrs. Friedman but Suri Katz who is married 10 years and struggling with infertility is still being referred to as Suri.


Or why a single 30-year old is referred to by her first name but a married 20-year old is given the respect of being called Mrs.
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manhattanmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 1:17 pm
suzyq wrote:
Or why a single 30-year old is referred to by her first name but a married 20-year old is given the respect of being called Mrs.


that too. In my opinion, an adult is someone who is financially independent. When your parents aren't claiming you as a dependent child anymore, you're an adult. It bothers me when some of my older (and by older I mean 35 + years old!!) friends and some relatives who don't get their own wedding invitations and are referred to as a "lovely girl" when in fact, they are beautiful WOMEN! and shouldn't be seen as an extension of their parents anymore.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 1:24 pm
If they live at their parents, I understand why they don't have their own invite.
My cousin who is 37 and single, at his parents, doesn't get his own invite from what I see. Not that he's in very charedi circles or anything at all, so not. He himself isn't shomer shabbes.

What makes a woman? period? bat mitsva? legal majority? marriage? child?
I don't mind being called a girl. I think of myself as such, despite kah a large family Smile but that's how I think of myself. Kids/teens shouldn't call me by first name.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 1:25 pm
MMCH wrote:
I would not like being called "mrs.x" at all. it makes me feel old.
I do however teach my daughter to call my friends, "dovids mommy"

I feel theres a small amount of respect there.


And from my example above what would your daughter call Suri Katz? And how your she call Esti Stern, a 30year old women who is not married?
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Happy18




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 2:34 pm
What's wrong with using Mrs. And Ms. For adults why use the distinction of children?
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rachel91




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 2:35 pm
My friends kids call me by my first name and I don't mind a bit.
And I have kids, eventough I don't know what the two things have to do with each other.
My kids 'friends' are still small, so I just tell them that I'm 'my name'. And they call me that.
I don't know what I'll do later, though.
If I remember correctly I also called my parents friends by their first names.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 2:55 pm
I never called my parents friends by name, either Mrs. or Auntie X.
My kids' friends always called me by my first name as that's what's done here. No one is ever Mrs. I hate it.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 3:01 pm
I still call my parent's friends "Mrs." and "Rabbi" or "Mr." or occasionally, "Dr." I think it's just good manners. I was very startled when a neighbor's 13 year old, who I hired to be a mother's helper, called me by my first name. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but when you meet someone new, particularly if you are a child, go with formal address until specifically invited to do otherwise.
Wow, that does sound schoolmarm - ish.....but manners may be old fashioned, but they are still valuable. (wow, that sounds even MORE school-marm-ish....I'll stop now....)
debsey
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Sherri




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 3:11 pm
amother wrote:
What I dont understand is why you have to be a mommy to be called Mrs.

19year old Chani Friedman who had a kid 10 months after her wedding is referred to as Mrs. Friedman but Suri Katz who is married 10 years and struggling with infertility is still being referred to as Suri.
I know mothers who refer to their friends who are single as "Aunt" Whatever. (Their married friends with kids are Aunties, too, as well as their married friends without kids.)
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Sherri




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 3:12 pm
Happy18 wrote:
What's wrong with using Mrs. And Ms. For adults why use the distinction of children?
You refer to your friends using Mrs. and Ms?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 3:15 pm
Sherri wrote:
You refer to your friends using Mrs. and Ms?


We actually did have a couple for a meal one time who insisted on calling me and my husband Mrs. and Mr. the entire meal. They were the same age as us, and I asked them a few times to call me by my first name. It was weird.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 3:19 pm
Unless you're my brother, or my husband's brother, please never ever ever tell your kids to call me "Aunt." I am not your children's aunt. I viscerally despise that form or address.

Please also don't instruct your children to call me "Mrs." I am not a "Mrs." I have never used my husband's last name, and never will. Nor do I consider it appropriate to differentiate between women based upon their marital status. Honestly, we know several single mothers by choice and at least one couple who never married; do you want to be correcting your child, "no, sweetheart, Zev's mommy and daddy didn't marry, so his mommy is MISS Schwartz, not Mrs. Cohen; and Atara's mommy is a b'aal tshuva who never married, so she's not "Mrs." either." I will, however, allow my child to address you as "Mrs." if you prefer.

When my son was young, I was mostly referred to as "DS' Mommy." Now that he's older, I prefer first name. I don't think it diminishes respect at all.
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Tablepoetry




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 3:24 pm
No Mrs. here, as FS said. In contrast, though, it doesn't bug me. In fact, like Barbara, I actively oppose that form of address.
The kids' friends mainly use my first name, but the younger ones and the shyer ones will call me 'Noa's mom' or whatever kids' name.
I do think respect should be given due to age, and not marital or parental status.
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