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Parents Bedroom



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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 8:37 am
Are you Makpid that your bedroom door always remain closed and guests do not get a glimpse in there? My parents' room was certainly like that and I do the same but I'm not sure I understand why. Some people lead me in the room for a tour without blinking an eye and I am always uncomfortable. What is the reason behind this? Is it because it is not Tznius if the beds are together/not....? Or overall Tznius??
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Motherlee




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 8:49 am
I can understand the idea that the parents room should be secluded and respected. Just like a mom's purse should not be shuffled through. Or snooping in daddy's desk.

Personally, I don't think I'd mind. (My 9 month old refuses to ask our permission of anything these days! I hope it's a passing phase...)

I think I'd want to give my kids the joy of flopping into Totty's cool, big bed on a summer day. Or cozying up in Mommy's bed on Shabbos afternoon.
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 8:55 am
I grew up that my parents' room was sacrosanct. The door was always locked and we had to ask permission to go inside even if my parents weren't home.

If we had a nightmare, one of my parents would come out and put us back to sleep.

I believe that this is the right way to go about it. I wouldn't want to ever risk my kids walking in on us by mistake.
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Dandelion1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 9:14 am
You are probably going to get extremely opposing opinions on this. While I can definitely see the concept of the parents' bedroom being sacrosanct and off limits, I think it boils down to people's overall views and lifestyles. Our bedroom is not off limits by any means, we cosleep with our babies and are welcoming of kids with bad dreams in the middle of the night. I can't see how there is any right or wrong in either style, just personal comfort, and differing parenting styles.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 9:16 am
ectomorph wrote:
I grew up that my parents' room was sacrosanct. The door was always locked and we had to ask permission to go inside even if my parents weren't home.

If we had a nightmare, one of my parents would come out and put us back to sleep.

I believe that this is the right way to go about it. I wouldn't want to ever risk my kids walking in on us by mistake.


I definitely believe in the locking, kids make mistakes no matter how well you train them never to open closed doors. embarrassed

However, as a child whose parents were "makpid" about some 70s freudian theory that children should never sleep in a parents' bed--even after a nightmare--I still remember not being allowed to curl up and feel safer. That never made me feel very safe, to be honest
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little_mage




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 9:32 am
Can we distinguish between guests and other members of the family? I have no problem with my children being in there. However, the room is usually a real mess. Therefore, guests need to stay far away, because I don't want them seeing the disaster that is that room. It's also where I throw everything else when people come over...
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 9:36 am
my kids are allowed in. I have had to tell them not to bring their friends in there.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 9:57 am
My door is always open (unless its a mess and we have guests sleeping over - the guest bedroom is right near ours - all the bedrooms are one after the other) and our beds are always seen together.

To me its just a room where we sleep. At night when we are using the room, for whatever purpose, then the door is either closed or left open as well, depending on what we may be doing in there Wink
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 9:59 am
I close it when people are over because it isn't quite as organized as I'd like it to be. No one's business what I have lying around.
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HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 10:39 am
Motherlee wrote:
I can understand the idea that the parents room should be secluded and respected. Just like a mom's purse should not be shuffled through. Or snooping in daddy's desk.

Personally, I don't think I'd mind. (My 9 month old refuses to ask our permission of anything these days! I hope it's a passing phase...)

I think I'd want to give my kids the joy of flopping into Totty's cool, big bed on a summer day. Or cozying up in Mommy's bed on Shabbos afternoon.


Please tell me you meant a 9 YEAR old? Unless this was a joke and I am too tired to read it as so, kids don't generally ask permission until they are about 2.5-3 (if then!).

Our door is usually open unless I have kids over, don't want them playing in there, or guests and it is a mess. Otherwise its open. You won't see anything you don't know. Anything I don't want seen will be put away before anyone comes in there.

My grandmother was often weak and sick and used to be in her bed a lot and that was the main room of the house. We all lay on their beds and chatted and watched TV together. I loved it and want that sense of closeness with my family. Whenever my family come to visit we are usually on the couch or in my room.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 1:00 pm
My parents let me get away with sooo many things, but sleeping in their bed was a no no (it also is for me). They would get/stay up if needed (I was very spoiled lol). I never really insisted because it was never really a "thing".

It's not about Freud, it's about the "classic" education as soon as people could afford separate beds then rooms. When my great grandparents arrived in Western Europe they were dirt poor and had only one room... as soon as they could they moved to a 2 bedroom- and they were dirt poor. No heat. Kids carried around wrapped in blankets.

After family members "wanting to see our room" several times, I decided to take advantage of the key (rare thing round here, to have a lock except toilet and bathroom). Kids can come in. They need to knock. My then 18 mnt knocked if the door was closed or ajar. If I'm not inside they're not really meant to go at all!
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suzyq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 1:07 pm
My kids come in our bedroom but I don't like for guests to. I just feel like our bedroom is a private place.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 23 2014, 11:28 pm
dh and I grew up in very differnt kinds of homes when it came to these things. we got married when I was 20, in my parents home their bedrroom was sacrosanct , we always had to ask permision to go in, and never chas veshalom take a friend in there, we wouldnt have dreamed of it.
dh's parents room was open door all the time.

you can imagine the shock adn tremendous embarrassment I had when I come home from mikva about two months after getting married to find my husbands younger brother , single, aged 21 in my bedroom sitting at the computer which was in the bedroom. and even worse, dh could not see what on earth was wrong with it! I was so mortified, and so upset, remember this was mikva night!!!! and btw, dh stil doesn get it 16 years later! we are all affected by our childhood environment more than we think.
Anyways, dear bil is now long married himself, and his wife has a closed door policy too, so maybe he would be embarrased to remembr that episode, but hten again he did not know quite how awful it was for me, he did not know that I was coming in from the mikva!
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eschaya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 24 2014, 1:35 am
I love having my kids snuggle in bed with me on lazy mornings, and my kids on (rare) occasion come in when they are having bad dreams. I have my own stash of teddy bears, so I usually let them choose one of my teddy bears and then they go back to bed.
No guests though. If my kids friends are in the house I make sure my door is closed.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 24 2014, 5:18 am
little_mage wrote:
Can we distinguish between guests and other members of the family? I have no problem with my children being in there. However, the room is usually a real mess. Therefore, guests need to stay far away, because I don't want them seeing the disaster that is that room. It's also where I throw everything else when people come over...


I am SO happy to see that I'm not the only person who "liked" your post! If people want to see a pretty bedroom, I'll hand them a Martha Stewart magazine. LOL
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Motherlee




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 24 2014, 5:27 am
[quote="HonesttoGod"]Please tell me you meant a 9 YEAR old? Unless this was a joke and I am too tired to read it as so, kids don't generally ask permission until they are about 2.5-3 (if then!).

Our door is usually open unless I have kids over, don't want them playing in there, or guests and it is a mess. Otherwise its open. You won't see anything you don't know. Anything I don't want seen will be put away before anyone comes in there.

My grandmother was often weak and sick and used to be in her bed a lot and that was the main room of the house. We all lay on their beds and chatted and watched TV together. I loved it and want that sense of closeness with my family. Whenever my family come to visit we are usually on the couch or in my room.[/quote

Yes, it was sarcasm.

Anyone with a 9 month old baby knows that at this stage in the game, he's gonna do whatever he so pleases. Like it or not Tongue Out
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jul 24 2014, 7:15 am
Our door is open all day. Kids can come in. If guests want to see my room, that's fine too. But at night, if we'll be sleeping in the same bed, or getting 'busy', door gets locked till we are up. If child knocks or cries I go out to them and help them back to their room, and stay till they are comfortable. No one sleeps with us except for newborns till 6 months nd even then, for safety it's in their crib.
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