they think car seats are optional

m in Israel

Sat, Jan 25 2014, 10:37 pm

bamamama wrote:

I'm not sure where you understood that I think this is only a problem in the frum community. Clearly that's not the case. But, since we are discussing the frum community, it makes sense to point out that people who are makpid in laws where we don't see the direct benefit ought not accuse people of being "paranoid" about safety laws where we clearly do see a direct benefit.

Well when you said

Quote:

But these people are probably super makpid about kashrut and Shabbos observance but they are so lax with the safety of the helpless children they have in their charge? For shame.

you seemed to link the improper use of car seats with being super makpid about kashrut and Shabbos. (No, you didn't say that, yes it seems to be subtly implied). In any case, why do you make this assumption. For all you know, OP's husband's family are laid back about everything, including religious issues. I have met many people like that. The just aren't "into" details in any areas of their life, whether it is the exactly correct way to reheat food on Shabbos or the correct way to install a carseat. And conversely, most of the people I know who are "neurotic" about Halachic details tend to be generally "neurotic" in many areas of life including safety. (Not that carseat use falls into the category of "neurotic" at all -- car seat use is basic minimal safety) Nowhere did OP imply that her in-law family is very careful about other issues, and not this. So the fact that you assumed they were definitely made it sound like YOU thought the two automatically go together.

morah

Sun, Jan 26 2014, 4:21 am

bamamama wrote:

You decided to make a frum analogy when you don't even know if the family in question is frum. Maybe op's husband is a BT or a ger. It's terrible that they can't be bothered with safety, doesn't mean they're religious hypocrites. They might not be religious at all.

springmom

Tue, Apr 22 2014, 11:07 pm

I just chanced upon this conversation and I don't have much advice to give except to say I can relate to the issue since my husband thinks that car seats are nice to use but if in a rush, hey what's the big deal! just speed away w/o seatbelting. (my husband says, why didnt your parents use seatbelts or carseasts 30 years ago ??)We have had numerous arguments over this but I usually try to go myself and buckle the kids properly.
If this is an issue that continues, it is worthwhile to speak to your husband's rabbi/ mentor to intervene. It is not just the issue of the car seat .
Even if he doesnt' agree, there should be room in your relationship for you to have a request that he doesnt necessarily agree with but he should do out of respect for you.
He doesn't have to agree about the safety of car seats but he has to take into consideration your concerns and be respectful of your wishes.
same for inlaws- you can say " I know it seems like I am particular but this is what I am comfortable with " when you repeat that a hundred times, the message seeps in eventually.
And remember always, Hashem is watching our children and all is in His control. Car seats are a hishtadlus, as is communicating the necessity of them. beyond that, trust and daven.

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 3:42 am

morah wrote:

That's offensive. BTs and Gers are frum.

morah

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 4:14 am

amother wrote:

That's offensive. BTs and Gers are frum.

Learn to read, lady! If the husband is a BT or ger, that means HIS family (as in, the people op is complaining about) is not frum. Not that he isn't. Someone somehow decided to make this into a religious issue and I pointed out we don't even know I these ils are religious or even Jewish- just because the husband is doesn't mean they are.

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 10:50 am

I'm glad to have come across this thread. I'm really careful with car seats. Whenever dh buckles my 4 yo in his carseat and the straps are twisted or loose I ask him to please redo it. He is generally strict about having boosters for everyone but he thinks I'm paranoid for asking him to buckle in properly. After reading this thread I see I'm not so crazy. I'm gonna just have to buckle him in myself.
Also, I was under the impression that according to the law 8yr old doesn't need a booster anymore. We all breathed easy this winter when my son turned 8 and we finally got rid of 1 booster. It was a really tight squeeze.
Now my 4 yo is in a booster with a back, 6yo in a regular booster and 8yo just on the seat. Is that safe enough?