We slept on the living room floor

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 8:07 am

amother wrote:

We slept on floors and had guests who slept on our floors and noone thought it was strange. Everyone was informed in advance, it was clean, blowup matrasses with either fresh Linnen/sheets/pillows/blankets or clean sleepingbags. Noone was offendet. B"H our house is big enough to have guests but we still didn't manage to furnish it completly, so we don't have enough beds. I try to compensate by offering a beautiful breakfast, nosh for the kids, own set of keys (to be flexible and not dependant on us), enough towels etc. Ones we hosted a couple and the man had a backinjury, we offered them our bedroom and we slept on the floor next to our dd's crib. But usually guests, that stay a couple of nights handle the floor well. Many guests returned, so I doubt they hated the accomodation. we usually don't expect more when ppl let us sleep over.

OP had not been informed in advance. And she got sleeping bags, not blow up mattresses. Really not the same. Plus you don't say where your blow up mattresses were. Were they out in a living room with no privacy?

I think any accommodations, however poor, are fine so long as the guests have been warned and can chose to come or not. Without warning, being put in a living room in sleeping bags is pretty shocking to most.

And maybe for some people they are just so plain and simple that it doesn't occur to them that sleeping bags on the floor of the living room is in any way offensive because they themselves would be 100% comfortable with that set up as guests. But I'm guessing that's not the case here. Anyone who can't be bothered to move their kids because it will upset their schedule is seemingly pretty concerned with their own comfort.

Of course as others mentioned, it could be that these people did warn the baalei simcha and the info was just simply not passed along.

heidi

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 10:38 am

I most definitely am "entitled". When you invite me for a simcha you are not doing me a favor. If I desperately needed a place to stay it would be rude and incredibly ungrateful to complain about anything-- including a place on the living room floor. When I am invited to attend your simcha I expect, yes expect, clean linens, a clean bathroom (doesn't have to be just for us) and a/c or heat. That is what I give. I don't expect everyone to have those accommodations, that's why not everyone should offer/be asked to host.

deena19k

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 11:23 am

heidi wrote:

We don't have air conditioning. It honestly never crossed my mind to not have guests. Am I just out of it? Does everyone here expect ac when being a guest? We live in Israel if that makes a difference.

Emotional

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 11:38 am

greenfire wrote:

I don't have air conditioning & I don't think anybody is entitled to it ... if you want to be a princess um yeah go to a hotel ...

If it's a hot & humid time of year, and you live in an area where it's the norm for most people to have air conditioning, then potential guests have a right to know in advance if you can't provide it. Some people are genuinely mitzta'er from heat & humidity, and that doesn't make them spoiled princesses.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 11:38 am

I don't think OP comes off as entitled at all. A private room is with 2 beds is a basic necessity for a married couple. if you cannot provide that, you should not host them. We live in a small apartment, and we do have a tiny spare room because the previous tenants made a portion of the living room into a small bedroom. There is only room for one bed in there, so we host singles but not families. Kids on the living room floor is one thing, or yeshiva bochurs on a Shabbaton or something, but a married couple? Just no. IYH when we have a bigger place, we will be happy to host all kinds of people and families, but for now, we do not possess the proper accommodations, so we just say no when asked. We do, however, say we have a spare bed for someone single who needs to be put up.

DrMom

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 11:55 am

heidi wrote:

You stated that your children are entitled not to have to share a room with the host's children. I disagree.

Tablepoetry

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 12:05 pm

deena19k wrote:

We don't have air conditioning. It honestly never crossed my mind to not have guests. Am I just out of it? Does everyone here expect ac when being a guest? We live in Isr. l if that makes a difference.

We also don't have a/c in most of the kids' rooms, where we put up guests. I'm in Israel too....
Most of our house does have a/c. Just not the bedrooms. Anyway, only family stays over and no complaints yet......most of them don't like to sleep with a/c anyway.
Don't know what I would do about strangers coming. Haven't ever been in that situation. But many people I know don't have ac in the kids' bedrooms.

Ruchel

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 12:18 pm

You are entitled to know what will be there.

A/c in a place most have it, is normal. Where it's a luxury, don't expect it. But if it's important, ask. Me, I prefer sleeping on the floor with a/c, in Israel or even here in summer, than a good nice bed and a fan. I also prefer paying a hotel and being "free", or even stay home than vacay with accomodations I don't feel good about.

I must say, sleeping bags on the floor? I would be ashamed to provide this unless it's that or the street.

There are also ppl who won't sleep in a couple's bed, btw, even if you separate it into two (like nida).

reportrmom

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 12:59 pm

Emotional wrote:

I wish I could like this ten times. I really truly am not a demanding person. But humidity in the summer literally makes me feel like I can't breathe. When we had that huge blackout several years ago I considered going to the hospital. I really suffer from it. Please tell people in advance if you have no ac in the summer. I don't need a palace or a private bathroom or anything luxurious. But I do need air conditioning.

zohar

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 2:04 pm

heidi wrote:

2 things:

On the flip side we were once hosted in a beautiful home with a lovely private room, private bathroom and ONE bed. For a frum simcha in a frum community. Luckily I was pregnant (but no one knew yet)!

OP I sympathize with you-- I don't think I could have handled that- don't know why people would agree to host if they clearly didn't have even the most basic accommodations.

Almost the same thing happened to me during my own Sheva Brachos shock

!! You can read it in the thread about the worst hosts. 2 beds touching with one headboard and no room to separate beds!!!
Hello!! Chosson/Kallah in middle of Sheva Brachos. What were they thinking????

Talya

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 2:10 pm

Tablepoetry wrote:

I think it's safe to say in Israel it is different but if someone would be expecting it it's only fair to warn them. Also, if you have it in your own room it's safe to say others would want the same and let them know in advance. Personally, I'd choose to go elsewhere or stay home. I wouldn't appreciate not knowing in advance though.

animeme

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 4:26 pm

I have seen several posts mention that its better the guest should go to a hotel, if they need certain things or if there are no suitable hosts, etc. I think it bears mentioning that in many situations there are no hotels. Many communities have no hotel or guesthouse within walking distance of shuls or wihin the eruv. Sometimes accommodations are challenging when its a small community or there are multiple simchas and in order for people to come they end up with suboptimal situations. I don't think it's chutzpah to offer such an accommodation, as long as its explained beforehand.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 4:58 pm

heidi wrote:

Ah. So you always stay with the family who is making the simcha.

Otherwise, of course, you are staying with the friends or neighbors of the family who invited you -- complete strangers to you -- and they most assuredly are doing you a favor by hosting you.

Think about it. They have no clue who you are. You could stink to high heavens. Be incontinent. Be a kleptomaniac. Be a child molester. But, for the sake of the person having the simcha, they're willing to take a chance. (And let's face it, you're not doing a favor to the people having the simcha by coming, either. In fact, if anyone felt that they were doing me some favor by attending a simcha I'm having, I wish they'd stay the heck home. They're invited because I think they love us and care about us and want to be there. If we know one another and I invite you, please, stay home.)

Yet somehow, someway, you think that you're doing them a favor by sleeping in their home.

And you feel that you are entitled to certain things, including a locked room with two beds.

I'd bet dollars to donuts that the family that hosted in this case was pressed into it. More space was needed. They didn't want to do it, but were not really given a choice. Sleeping bags is a bit out there. But that doesn't mean that unless you can provide perfect accommodations, you should never host. Because, frankly, outside of certain very wealthy enclaves, not all that many people have spare bedrooms, or any available bedroom with two beds and a locking door.

As other have said, your best bet is a hotel. Except for a bar mitzvah on Shabbat, there's no reason not to.

Isramom8

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 5:12 pm

I just want to point out that there are different climates in different parts of Israel. In Yerushalayim, for example, on most summer nights the temperature cools down. In central Israel, on most summer nights it doesn't.

There have been summer days in Israel that I've been invited just to spend time during the day or evening in someone's home in central Israel, and I've asked not if they "have" air conditioning, but how well it's working, before deciding if I can visit without getting sick. It gets that hot and humid.

There are people in the city who don't have air conditioning, but no way can it be assumed that guests can handle that here.

It's important to try to understand what guests will expect, and mention your circumstances in advance. Baalei simcha should try to match simpler accommodations with guests who won't mind them.