Men v. Women - funny

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48224

Some comparisons of men and women...

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Useless.

DINING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and
none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

MATURITY
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as
adults.

Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other
wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

HANDWRITING
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch.

Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "I's" with circles and
hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a
royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put
a smiley face at the end of the note.

GROCERIES
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and
buys these things.

A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and an
almost empty milk bottle. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything
that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is
packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this
will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

SHOES
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on
Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks.
When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later,
she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

LAUNDRY
Women do laundry every couple of days.

A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants
that were hip about fifteen years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he
is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a
U-Haul, and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect
to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by
re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

SOCKS
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweat socks.

Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles, that have
pictures of clouds, that have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

MIDLIFE
When a woman reaches midlife, she goes through a variety of complicated
emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of
these changes vary with the individual.

Midlife in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a
snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

THE TELEPHONE
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to get
short messages to other people.

A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she
will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

DIRECTIONS
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she
will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.

Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for
directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things
like, Looks like I've found a new way to get there." and, "I know I'm in the
general neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store."

TOYS
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12,
they lose interest.

Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys
simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys:
little miniature TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic
equalizers. Small robots that perform various tasks on command. Video games.
Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

PLANTS
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation.

The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an
apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

CAMERAS
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for a
state-of-the-art camera and take photography classes.

Women purchase disposable cameras. Of course, women often end up taking better
pictures.

GARAGES
Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers.

Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they
watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would
not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, get the mail, etc.

A man will dress up for weddings or funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

CHILDREN
Women seem to be able to remember every little detail of each child's life -
the first tooth, doctor's appointments, school pick-up times, food preferences,
etc.

Some men are only aware that there seems to be an increasing number of short
people in the house.

Posted: Wed, Jan 24 2007, 5:56 pm Post subject: Re: Men v. Women - funny

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 04 2006 Posts: 2694

This is a good one. I disagree with the one about the groceries, though. A man will not go to the grocery once there is just a little milk in the container. He will go to the grocery once there is NO milk left and be really surprised that the person who used up the last drop of milk did not remember to get more. Surprisingly enough, said person is the MAN himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Laughing

Posted: Wed, Jan 24 2007, 6:15 pm Post subject:

cute comparisons
_________________
_________________
don't wonder why people go crazy ... rather wonder why we don't
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NUTso but cute ~ things balance out Nervous

Posted: Wed, Jan 24 2007, 6:54 pm Post subject: re: Men v. Women - funny

is it male-bashing if its true Rolling Eyes

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48224

it's just for fun, come on!

Posted: Thu, Jan 25 2007, 10:56 am Post subject: re: Men v. Women - funny

Funny!Lovely!
Thank you choc-I did enjoy it alot!

Posted: Thu, Jan 25 2007, 10:58 am Post subject: re: Men v. Women - funny

it is cute Smile

Posted: Thu, Jan 25 2007, 7:51 pm Post subject: Re: re: Men v. Women - funny

Posted: Thu, Jan 25 2007, 8:03 pm Post subject: re: Men v. Women - funny

Funny Mumoo-very funny. If we are so different why do secular women want to be equal- to that which we wouldn't aspire to -to begin with?\
Strange huh?
_________________
" each one teach one"

Silver Member Joined: Mar 17 2006 Posts: 535

Thats was so funny - I laughed out loud! And so true too!

Posted: Fri, Jan 26 2007, 1:11 am Post subject: Re: re: Men v. Women - funny