Daughter pleasuring herself??? help!

ok- my 9 year old DD is really getting me worried.

its been a number of nights that we find her falling asleep with her panty pulled down...
when we where traveling in the car she had her hands in her top...

is this normal? what should I do?

HELP!!!

66 views and no one has any thoughts to share???

is this normal or is this a sign of emotional issue?

I wouldn't say it's completely NOT normal. If you're really concerned why don't you call the pediatrician?

Good luck. Whatever you do, don't freak her out and make her feel uncomfortable...that would be unfair to her.

thanks for responding.
I feel uncomf. asking the doc. its a very heimish office....

Gold Member Joined: Oct 09 2011 Posts: 1068

maybe something is itching her and she therefore scratches or touches herself.

Silver Member Joined: May 01 2012 Posts: 624

Could be normal. some kids just figure it out sooner than others.
If there is no irritation/rash, then I would just say that is something that is OK to do in private. Like in her room when no one is there. If she does it in front of you gently tell her to stop. Please do not tell her she is never allowed to touch down there bc that will surely mess her up.
Also good idea to wash hands afterwards.

Gold Member Joined: Aug 19 2011 Posts: 2037

Touching herself is normal. You need to set boundaries that it's a private thing and is done in private and not in the car, etc. You also should tell her she needs to wash her hands before and after. And, ITA tthat you should ask her to tell you if her vulva ever hurts or is itchy as that warrants a trip to the dr.

Last edited by mimivan on Tue, Aug 21 2012, 2:30 pm; edited 1 time in total

I'm not a doctor or a psychologist, but from what I understand, it is normal. If this happened quite suddenly or if it is frequent and extreme, very calmly rule out that chas v'shalom anyone is touching her inappropriately by asking her. But again, calmly and don't sound nervous about it.

But the medical/psychological issue is diff from the Torah issue
now, in terms of haskofa

1) if your derech holds that such behavior for girls is assur (not the same issue as with boys, but some hold for girls it as assur al pi kabbalah) talk to a rebbetzin on the best way to explain to her not to do this. But please do so gently. Don't shame her. Just explain why it is not "what is done."

2) if your derech holds that such behavior in girls is not assur, then just tell her to be discreet.
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thanks for replying ladies!
I was worried that its a sign of emotional disturbance.( was debating to post if I will be bashed at for not giving my DD attention...._)

dont tell her when and where to do it Shocked

just tell her we don't do that
if she wants she will figure to do it alone

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7928

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7928

TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY NORMAL! I am a mental health prof. and this is completely normal behavior that should be explained as private behavior ok in the privacy of your bed/bed room. do not make her feel vulgar, dirty or anything else. you sound like a loving and caring mom.

Maybe she has pinworms?

it is normal. girls will do this as they get older anyway, so what's the big deal if she does it now. you should NOT tell her this is wrong. there is nothing wrong with it. and it will give her some complex with herself when in reality she is normal.
as others have said, you must tell her (only if she is doing this in public), that is something not for public, this is for private only, when she is alone. just leave it at that. as she learns more she will understand, and you won't have harmed her with any "complexes".