To all of you who say that CIO works: Here's why!

Gold Member Joined: Aug 24 2010 Posts: 1488

Yeah - but you don't know my kid! He doesn't take a pacifier, did not want a bottle or a cookie or any of his toys - he threw it all down. Even when I sat next to him he just screamed - he wanted to get OUT!!!! of his car seat.

And it wasn't an emergency - but it wouldn't have helped to let him run around one time - he would still have screamed after sitting still for 20 minutes. Unless we would have let him run around for 4 hours until he got a bit tired out, and then drove on....

Gold Member Joined: Sep 12 2011 Posts: 1953

I just had this very discussion with my 10 yr old ds yesterday, while he was sitting next to my 3 mo old who was crying in the car almost all the way from Yerushalayim to RBS. He was frustrated b/c although he kept replacing the paci every time the baby spit it out and was talking to him to try to soothe him, the baby kept crying. I explained that even though we couldn't give the baby what he needed right then (to be held by me; no, he wasn't hungry, thirsty, wet, dirty or tired and I don't think he was in any pain), and even though he would probably continue to cry until I could give him what he needed, it was still important and valuable for someone to sit next to him, look at him, interact with him, and speak soothingly to him so at least he would know that he wasn't abandoned and alone.

For the record, bh my two kids slept through the night very quickly, without letting them cry (it out or not), and with on demand exclusive nursing. I realize it may be an exception, but it's possible. I was the one wondering whether I should make them wake up because I was bursting, and sometimes I did. Laughing

And again, you can let your child cry but not more than ____ mins. And just because you do that, doesn't mean you are forbidden to go tend to them when they cry LATER, at night.
You don't have to use any method 100%!!
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"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

Gold Member Joined: Apr 27 2010 Posts: 1975

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5793

Gold Member Joined: Oct 09 2011 Posts: 1068

each kid is different and while the CIO method might be good for some babies it can be a disaster for other babies. we must get to know the child and form a schedule for him/her and then see if the CIO method is worth trying. allso if we do choose to do the CIO method we must do it with a system and not just let the baby cry.

Gold Member Joined: Oct 26 2008 Posts: 1252

Moderator Joined: Aug 14 2005 Posts: 4549 Location: Ohio

Just wanted to comment for people who were bashing chocolate chips about the kids crying until they throw up. My oldest was very high needs. I wore her in a sling most of the time. We co-slept with her until she was almost a year old. She took her nap with me holding her because otherwise she didn't nap. People said to me, "Don't you ever put that baby down?"

And she screamed until she threw up more often than I care to count. I put her down when I was cooking on the stove because I didn't want to burn her, or when I was ironing clothes. She would be a few inches away from me, in a bouncy seat or swing, screaming hysterically.

My DH in the winter made it home just a few minutes before candlelighting. I had to have a shower for Shabbos after cleaning, nursing, cooking, ironing, etc.. I would put DD in her bouncy seat in the bathroom. I took down the shower curtain and left up just the clear liner so she could see me. I showered in three to five minutes, max. She could see and hear me the whole time, with me singing and talking to her and trying to keep her calm. And she puked every single erev Shabbos for months.

There are two sides to every story. Puking crying baby does not equal neglectful mommy.
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Diamond Member Joined: Jan 14 2011 Posts: 2733

Gold Member Joined: Apr 04 2012 Posts: 2099

Gold Member Joined: Apr 04 2012 Posts: 2099

I take offense at being bashed for nursing. Do you think I feel guilty?

It's too easy to say those who take offense feel guilty

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 29 2006 Posts: 4773

I would like to hear a study of adults who were CIO as infants vs those who were not. Or school age children. Not what people think it does or does not do to the feelings of the baby.
Long term if we polled the imamother membership would we see a pattern, I would assume likely not.

There are 2 issues here:
1) a child's need to sleep that they do not understand just as they dont and wont understand a lot of chinuch things that they might cry over, over the years.
2) The parents need to sleep to be a good parent. This is not selfish, it is for the child. what do you think a mother means when she says she needs her sleep? so that she can go get manicures and play tennis with a clear mind??? she means so she can take care of her family!!

If the child didnt need to sleep, for example the mother did CIO for a nap when the child is not tired, THAT might be selfish, but we are talking about a child needing to sleep.

Lastly, my experience has been (from speaking to many parents since I have a really terrible sleeper) that most parents try all the other methods before CIO. If a baby would fall asleep just with a pacifier or by being rocked for 5 minutes, they would do that, but when no other method is working, then yes they do CIO.

Since when does CIO = neglect? If the child is taken care of and NEEDS sleep, it seems to me that it's quite the opposite, it is actually taking care of the baby.

PS any of you are invited to try and soothe my baby to sleep
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"But it's no use going back to yesterday, I was a different person then"- Alice in Wonderland

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7649

In what other instance do parents apply "chinuch" to an infant?

Gold Member Joined: Apr 04 2012 Posts: 2099