Shomer Negiah with Sibs?

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 07 2006 Posts: 2556

What kind of hugs are we talking about here?

I don't have any brothers, but in general in my family (granted, not a touchy-feely lot) relatives greeting each other at the beginning or end of a family gathering put their hands on the other's shoulders and give a small squeeze with elbows bent. It isn't a romantic hug. The kiss, generally done at the same time as the hug, is kind of an air-kiss cheek peck.

I put this sort of family hugging/kissing in the same category as handshaking at work. It is a ceremonial greeting, nothing else. I would find it rather weird if close family members were doing any other kind.

As with handshaking, you'll find different interpretations of the rules. Live and let live.

Posted: Mon, Aug 20 2012, 2:52 pm Post subject: re: Shomer Negiah with Sibs?

Inspired the word "chiba" today means affection in Modern Israeli Hebrew. When used by Rishonim and early achronim it was only used in connotation of sekxual affection and sekxual attraction. There is a lot of affection between women but they never use the word "chiba" in that context.

Therefore my rabbonim following the meaning which Rishonim and early Achronim used when discussing tznius concepts interpret the dictum when using the term "bederekh chiba" as meaning sekxual affection.

That also explains why people don't hug and kiss their husband, even casually, when nidda. Because between husband and wife there is always the possibility that a "pure hug" can turn into something else. That is NEVER a possibility among normal people when hugging one's uncle or when one is given a kiss on the top of one's head.

Also one has to realize that a lot of this "hugging and kissing" socially is truly ritualized. In the society in which I function no one "kissing" even brings one lips close to another person's skin, it's more the rituatlized blowing a kiss in the air while touching cheeks or even ears. Same goes for hugging. No one in their right mind is talking about a full body hug but rather something totally different in which, in fact, there is really little body contact at all other than shoulder to forearm or palm...none of this is or could ever be interpreted as being remotely sekxsual (maybe by a pervert and b"h we don't have any among my male friends and relatives) and is so far removed from any type of sekxual contact that it would be ludicrous to think it.

I would definitely not be comfortable kissing anyone - male or female - with my lips actually touching their cheek, or hugging them and feeling their body. It's just not done in my society. Has nothing to do with tznius or yiddishkeit, my colleagues abroad - who go through the same rituals with me - would be aghast at the thought of actually kissing or hugging the way some of you imply...again either with men or women. And that would include their father, mother, sister, brother etc. Those kinds of touches are reserved for one's life partner. Or as a late elderly girlfriend of my mother would say = you kiss your parents on their hand, your friends in the air, your children on their head and your husband on the lips.
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Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 8180

Ha, I just had a funny moment two days ago saying goodbye to my uncle. He sort of reached out a hand and I was relieved that it would be just a handshake but then he leaned in a for a fake kiss. So okay, no big deal.

I don't have any siblings unfortunately but if I did I imagine I'd hug my brothers.

My girl friends and I give each other full body hugs and real kisses on the cheek, not fake kisses.
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But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.

Posted: Wed, Aug 22 2012, 5:13 am Post subject: re: Shomer Negiah with Sibs?

If someone doesn't do it because taught not to, ok.
If someone doesn't do it because to them it is unhealthy feeling, THEY are unhealthy.
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"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me