Negative grandfather and playing favorites WWYD?

My FIL has always, as long as I've been married, been one to have clear favorites. He is also very judgmental. Two of my kids were recently staying by my ILs for a few days and I called Friday to say thank you and they had such a good time etc.

Well, he wound up launching into this long thing about how my oldest is afraid of things (she is) and it's not normal (yes it is) and have we thought about taking her to a therapist for it (because she doesn't like rollercoasters and fast rides? Really? Are you kidding me?) and how she's not going to have a happy life because she gets scared of things. (Um, she's a little kid, and you can't predict the future and I don't think disliking rollercoasters is a predictor of future happiness) Oh, and by the way, it's my fault that she's like this. (But her siblings, who have the same parents and grew up in the same house aren't like that, so not sure how that works out.) This daughter is challenging, but she's also amazing creative and sensitive and loving and has so many good traits about her.

I know he can be like this. My DH's family in general talks bad about whoever isn't there at the moment. I remember him saying about his own daughter that she was never going to find a shidduch because she's "fat." What? Who says that about their child? (She found a lovely shidduch at the weight she was at at the time, in any case.)

DH was very supportive when I told him about it and reminded me that the last long visit they had he was very negative about another child, about her picky eating habits and calling her "destructive" because she broke something. She was four at the time and it was totally an accident.

Uch, I don't even know what I'm asking for here. Support? Suggestions? He's like this about his kids and other grandkids, so DH says don't take it personally, but I do take it personally, and I'm not really wanting to send the kids for a visit if he's just storing up their faults while they are there to tell me what's wrong with them. I am very protective of my kids. I know their faults, I know they aren't perfect, so it's not that. But I don't badmouth them to people and I just wonder who else in the family he is making these little observations to.

I did stand up to him at the time and said that she is who she is, and she came how she is from HaShem and it's my job to love her and support her and help her be the best person she can be, not judge her because she's not exactly how I think she could be. He kind of backed off and started talking about how much he loves his family, but it still left a really bitter taste in my mouth.

I'm not sure what to do if it comes up again or the next time they ask for the kids to come visit. Thanks if you made it through all this.

I think as long as he's not saying these things to your children, and just to you, it's not as bad. If he's saying these things to your children, then I'd limit their exposure to him.

I don't have kids yet, but my FIL is the same way -- except he'd come right out and tell my kid they were fat, or too thin, or too scared, or whatever. I dread the thought.