Is there something wrong with me??

Every night, I know I put my 14 month old daughter to sleep too late, usually till the point she is beyond tired and cranky...I do it bec I work an entire day, and feel guilty never seeing her, plus, she usually cries herself to sleep so I want to spare her that pain. Also, if she is so tired, then she goes to sleep on her own without crying. I feel like this is crazy, I just cant see myself dumping her in at 7:30- I know its not good, I just cant help it. Any advice? thank u so much

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7672

Why does she cry herself to sleep? If you feel guilty about not being with her enough, why don't you lie next to her while she falls asleep when she really needs to?

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7672

I don't really know what's normal and what's not when it comes to crying to sleep. My kids are rocked or nursed or whatever until they're old enough to be taught how to go to sleep on their own without crying.

Assuming you don't want to rock/nurse, you can sit on the floor next to her crib and sing or tell a story.

Diamond Member Joined: Jun 29 2011 Posts: 3037

Easy solution ... just lay a folded blanket on the floor next to the crib and lie down on it, until she falls asleep. Say to her in a quiet voice, I am right here. Talk to her in low tones just a little, so she knows you are there, but sound sleepy. This shouldn't be hard. The message is, "the evening is over, I am sleeping too". Perhaps sing a little, in a very low voice. Then, when she sleeps, you get up, and go on with your evening. This is no biggie! Give it a try. The floor is not that hard. Not as hard as this, for sure.

You will NOT spoil her.

People are not really designed to fall asleep alone.

You will have a confident, even-keeled child. You will like that.

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7672

Also, I think you need to have a consistent, comforting bedtime routine. For example: take bath, brush teethe, read book, say shema, get into bed. All those activities are opportunities to spend time together, and are moving you towards the conclusion of your day. I find that having a good start and a good finish to the day makes it feel as though I had more quality time with the kids overall. Even if I'm away a huge chunk of time in the middle.

Gold Member Joined: Aug 19 2011 Posts: 2059

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5894

How late is late, and how early does she wake up? Mine doesn't need to be in bed by 7:30, but she gets enough sleep because she wakes on the later side in the morning. If she is waking nicely in the morning and seems healthy and happy and well rested, then maybe she really doesn't need an earlier bedtime. If she goes to sleep without crying later, but cries earlier, so maybe it's not such a bad idea to do it when she's good and ready. Most kids have the opposite, if you catch them at the right time they go nicely and after that they get crabby, but if you're finding this way works better then maybe it really is better.

I'm no expert, just pondering aloud.

I put down my 15mo with a bottle and a dummy about 2 hours after getting home from work. He is usually out like a light after filling up on formula. Sometimes he gets cranky about staying up too late, but we're going to try to introduce a second nap at nursery to fix that.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your baby, but your baby will enjoy the time more if she knows what to expect. My DS knows we have an hour of playtime after dinner and before bed, and I think he's even starting to look forward to it. A routine is priceless, no matter what it is.

Silver Member Joined: Aug 06 2008 Posts: 820

I would recommend you put her in earlier and spend time with her in the morning. Does that work with your schedule?
If you put her in with the first and smallest signs of tiredness, you'll probably have a lot less crying.

Senior Member Joined: Mar 24 2011 Posts: 142

I know how difficult it is to not spend enough time with your toddler - but your toddler should really be in bed by 7:00 pm. Research has shown that the best sleep for a toddler is prior to 12:00 midnight. The earlier suggestions of lying beside the crib are fabulous ideas - allowing you more time with your toddler.

Research states that toddlers that have ample sleep prior to 12:00 midnight are healthier and happier than other toddlers. Good luck OP - as this is a hard situation.

What time do you put her to sleep that it's late? I learnt one thing in life " everyone" and "people" do not know whats best for my child and I wil do what I think works best. My almost one year old goes to sleep around nine pm and if it' s any earlier than it will end up being a nap. Also, being in the room until the toddler falls asleep may/ may not work. Some toddlers will be anxious that you shouldn't leave and therfore not fall asleep and other ones will fall asleep better. Sometimes they get used to you being there until they fall asleep and later on it will be hard for you to leave the room. What works best is being there for two minutes, giving a hug and kiss, and leaving the room. If she falls asleep nicely now, whats your issue exactly??