Need some tips, advice and support!

Gold Member Joined: Jun 03 2007 Posts: 1942

So, the time has come! I had tried toilet training my 2.5yr old (he'll be 3 in 4 months iyH) a few months ago but he wasn't interested/ready. So I stopped cold turkey and didn't bring it up for a bit. Recently I felt he was more ready and so am I! (I'm 7mos pregnant so I want to hurry up before I'm completely unable to. Either being too pregnant <as if I'm not too pregnant now! Laughing

> or iyH once baby comes I won't be able to at least for first few months, so I'd rather now) I started to introduce it again and he seems excited!
Anyyyhooo. I decided on the method and I got the steps broken down from a post here, posted by: yamz
(Hope she wont mind me quoting her)

- Set aside a few days where the two of you will be home (weekends are usually convenient) the entire time.
- when you are ready to train, dress dd in nothing but an oversized t-shirt, no diaper no underpants for the whole day. I felt a bit odd doing this, but it really helped.
- Put dd on the potty very often for the first day, even if she does not say she needs to go. After that, keep reminding her to go. Most kids don't like interrupting their play to get up and use the toilet.
- offer a small reward each time she is successful - a sticker, a few jelly beans, whatever. Also make a big deal and tell her how proud you are. Make sure the reward is the same small item each time, you will probably be goving her lots of them for about a week, until she forgets to ask when you don't automatically give.
- Make sure you are being matter of fact about any accidents that might occur. They just get cleaned up, and remind her to try to make it to the toilet next time.
- hang in there, toilet training is not fun, but you will be so relieved once it is over!

So I want to start this weekend iyH! I'm so nervous & anxious but excited for it! My first question is, DS comes home from daycamp Friday at noon, I was hoping to start then so that I can gain as much time. However, I dont want it to be confusing going from a morning in pampers to nothing at all. (Ideally I'd want to start as soon as he woke up but I dont want to lose most of that Friday time to start fresh on Shabbos) What do you think? Can I just start Friday when he gets home? If so how do I do the start? He's already introduced to it and I said we'd start this shabbos etc But how do I actually make the initial transition? Just off with the pamper? And then what? I'm sorta lost with the first step.
Also, once we do get past that and into the rythm of it I'm not sure how often is 'very often' to put him on the toilet? (I believe he makes every hour, thats what I noticed last time I tried) Also, during those times of putting him on the seat how long do I sit there? Till he makes? Whats if he doesn't go? How long should we sit? How do I distract him long enough without it being 'forceful' or negative?
I plan on giving 1 M&M for each pee he does successfully & 2 M&M's for each poo he makes successfully.
Now, heres another tricky part. I know yamz says to treat accidents matter of factly, but I've read on other training methods where although it would be matter of fact, they'd do practice runs a few times right after an accident. Sort of like walking away with DS to play and then say 'okay potty time!' and put him on the seat for minute & say 'this is where we pee/poo' then get him up and walk away and again back to the potty 'this is where we pee/poo' etc What do you think of that? Good? Bad? Necessary? Helpful?
In addition, I'm planning on making a simple chart. He'd get a star for every complete dry DAY and after he gets 7 stars I'd get him a bigger prize. What do you think of that? (this is to get him through the concept that each day needs to be dry in total)
I'm not planning on doing night training until he's completely comfortable with day training. (and has a bed, which will be once he's comfortable) So for night time I just explain that he can wear a pamper? I dont want him getting too confused with that. How does that work?

I think that is all my questions. Please answer! Plus add any other tips that worked for you! I look forward to your answers and hope its soon because I'd like to be planned by tomorrow!

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7959

I think the chart is too much. Skip it.

Active Poster Joined: Jul 22 2012 Posts: 30

When I was training my daughter she was in daycare and the teachers worked on it during the day and put on diaper for nap and when she got home I carried it over. See if the teachers in his school can help you. Sure there will be accidents but u should be prepared maybe send gloves for teachers and lots of extra clothes. My daughter is not yet 3 and b"h trained since October . If teachers can't help I would suggest leaving him home for a few days because it can get confusing for him.

Gold Member Joined: Jun 03 2007 Posts: 1942

your son is about the same age as my dd who we've just trained over the last month or so. (Meaning she's been trained that long, but we're still working on occasional accidents, and the whole "poop" thing).

They're too little for sticker charts to be meaningful. One mini m&m or a mini marshmallow each time is the incentive. I told my dd that her diapers were going away during the day and at night or when napping she'd wear a diaper. Sometimes she wears a pull-up to nap, or if we're going on a long car trip. So far she has really been even keeping the pull ups dry. Really, it was about consistency and we did it over a 4 day period and we didn't take her outside at all. Just at home in a t-shirt. The first day we actually put a kiddie potty in the living room so she wouldn't have to "leave" the family or her toys to go potty. I will also confess to letting her watch a video while sitting on the potty the first couple of days. It B'H worked great. Now we're just "fine tuning"

Good luck.

(anon b/c too many people know what we've done and how recently)

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7959

No, I meant that he's too young for that kind of planning and delayed gratification. I gave my ds a few chocolate chips every time he went, and he was motivated by that. Sometimes he would go just because he wanted some more chocolate. The idea is to get them used to going on a toilet. Then they need to recognize when they feel wet. After a while, they learn to recognized the cues that mean they need to go. And eventually, they will recognize those cues consistently, and hold it in until they are at the toilet.

I honestly didn't do anything major. Just swapped the diaper for underwear, brought him to the toilet every half hour or so, and cheered and gave treats every time he went. Once he was dry 99% of the time, and the bag of chips ran out (ok, I cheated and ate most of it!), I bought him a special big boy toy to celebrate. But I didn't do a whole chart thing. Two year old brains usually aren't ready for that.

Gold Member Joined: Jun 03 2007 Posts: 1942

Okay thanks for your responses so far. So I'll scratch the chart idea.
What about my other q's like is it okay to start Fri noon? How long do I stay with him on the toilet?

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7959

Yes, its fine to start then.

With boys, you can actually tell if theyre trying to go... So you can see if he's trying or just holding it. If he went successfully already shortly before, I wouldn't make him stay at the toilet more than a minute or so. If he hadn't gone in a while, I would do some extra encouragement to try to make it happen. If the reward is good enough, he'll probably want to do it.

Gold Member Joined: Jun 03 2007 Posts: 1942

Thanks MaBelleVie

Any one else with other tips or advice? Looking forward!!

Gold Member Joined: Jun 03 2007 Posts: 1942

Wow this is SO much harder then I anticipated. I started on Friday. Generally it went well. The accidents went from 4 on Friday, 2 on Shabbos and zero today b'H!! He is aware of the need to use the bathroom and tells me.
However, once we get onto the toilet he'll sit for an hour or more even until he releases it!! He still seems a bit afraid of actually allowing it to come out. Once he starts to pee I'll show excitement and encouragement and he'll smile, watch it happen and then allow it to let go freely (although not always a COMPLETE release)
I find that he holds it until the last minute, does the dance around and then runs, I always think once he'd sit he'd needa pee right away, but no, he seems soo relaxed on the seat itself and it takes SO long until he goes. :/
Now, poop is completely different. Friday he made but I believe it was a 'mistake' and he was completely shocked it happened! I made a HUGE deal and he was happy. But since then he is afraid to poop on the toilet.
He held it in Friday (after the first mistake which I don't think was all) and once we put the pamper on for sleep he made 2 minutes later (and did have a freaked out face when doing it, I reassured him that he's wearing a pamper) Shabbos he refused to go at all and woke up this morning with a HUGE dirty pamper.
In the afternoon he pooped in his undies Sad

He very well knew what he did was wrong. He was hiding and when I came to him he said "NO! Go away."
I handled it well, just casually said "We make a dirty in the toilet and although its okay to make accidents he should tell us next time before." He totally understood and agreed. Though I highly doubt we'll break his fear soon.

So two questions. First off how do I get him comfortable to release his pee FASTER?! (this is my bigger issue as it gets so tiring and boring to just sit and wait!) If I tell him "If you don't needa pee we can try later." He comes off and within 5 seconds will make this face & run back to the toilet. So its his choice.

How do I get rid of the pooping fear?
He runs to the toilet every time he passes gas but then climbs off within a few seconds. I guess he's just figuring out the differences?