Long VENT - I am fuming both at the parents and myself

Wow, thanks so much everyone for your support! It means so much to me!!

Last night, I was really stewing. I was angry, hurt, and just blah. My husband made me feel better by telling me that taking on this child was obviously a huge kappara for something - that I had to go through all of the frustration for one reason or another, and if I thought I was getting money for it and now I am not, at least I should know that it was mechaper for something.

To clarify, I did not have a separate contract just for her. I gave her the same contract that I gave everyone else for the year, but there was nothing on there saying that she would pay davka at the end, since the regular rules are for paying in the beginning. That was my mistake. My other mistake was that from the beginning, I had a funny feeling about them. I can't explain it, but I just felt like the situation was weird. No phone, just showing up, etc. But I ignored my instinct and took her anyway.

UPDATE: This morning, the mother called me. (!!) She was extremely apologetic and said she would bring me the money later today. I was a little taken aback and I said to her "If you really feel that you shouldn't pay, I am still ok with going to a rav. I don't want there to be hard feelings or misunderstandings." So she said that her husband already asked someone and he was told they have to pay and she is sorry for the way things happened, etc. She said she wasn't 100% clear that she had to pay everything, whatever. I told her quite frankly that while I appreciate that she is bringing the money, the bigger issue at hand is how it was dealt with. I told her that it wasn't right to keep me hanging about when she would bring me the money, not calling, not returning calls, etc. Even more so, I told her, it was not mentchlich and downright chutzpah for them to just decide not to pay the whole amount. I asked her "Why didn't you come to me to discuss it with me? I am a very reasonable and understanding person and the last thing I want is to mess someone over. You could've called me to ask me to lower the price. But you didn't and that is what upset me the most." I was very firm with her and I basically understood from ehr response that her husband was the one who felt like why should they pay the whole amount, it's so expensive, etc. She said that she told him that if he has an issue with it, he should call my husband to discuss it with him directly but not to involve me and to just give me the full amount first. But, in her words, "I guess he made a mistake."

I got the impression from him as well when he came that he was more of a smooth talker and I sensed some undercurrent in her words that maybe all is not well between them, so I just dropped it and told her, "Listen, it really really means a lot to me that you called and I am moichel you b'lev shalem. I hope that nothing like this will happen again and that it can be a lesson learnt for the future. There should just be open communication and things will be ok." And she apologized again and again.

And that's it!

I am still quite shaken by this whole incident and I will not take her child next year even if she asks. I just don't want to get involved in a situation like that again. But I am so so so happy that she called me and that she is bringing the money. It is a real sense of closure.

Thanks so much again everyoen for your support. It means a TON!
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For every minute of anger, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

So they agreed to pay and you let them off the hook? I am glad they came around. I am sorry about the upset though!!
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Liba, mommy to Zlata Tova 5/6/98, Tziporah Faiga 1/12/01, Esther Rivka 7/13/04 and Avraham Chaim 7/2/2006

No, I didn't let them off the hook. When I wrote that I dropped it, I meant that I stopped trying to reiterate my point of how rude and obnoxious it was how they dealt with it b/c I sensed that it was her husband behind it and not her. I didn't want to put her more on the defensive than she was already and she really was very apologetic. I think it probably took her a lot of guts to call like that and just fully apologize.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 08 2010 Posts: 2534

you handled it perfectly!
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Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less - Timothy Keller

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20496

Please post that she brought the money.
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The future simply isn't what it used to be....

She brought the money an hour ago! B"H!

so happy to hear!

B"H!! Miracles do happen.

Senior Member Joined: Jun 20 2011 Posts: 149

I'll bet she saw this thread!

Moderator Joined: Aug 14 2005 Posts: 4549 Location: Ohio

B"H it worked out! That sounds so stressful.
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mommy to 2 girls, 1 boy

"I would rather have my people laugh at my economies than weep for my extravagance."
--King Oscar of Sweden

Gold Member Joined: May 09 2010 Posts: 2122

whew!
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http://crunchyandkosher.blogspot.com/

So nice to hear you got paid in the end. Must say I was surprised.

The biggest problem was taking in a 2 year old into an already formed intact group. This child did not fit in and caused an extra expense; you had to hire help.

Additionally, it pays to pay attention to gut feelings. You did spot right on that this little girl would be trouble.

Overall, I am somewhat surprised at how shocked you were with the situation. I would think it comes with the territory.