Do you think people become "worse" they get older

I always thought that as people get older they become nicer
but recently someone told me that it's not true. she told me that old age brings sometimes brings many problems, ill health, bereavement, family problems, regrets, unpleasant memories resurfacing, loneliness, and sometimes a questioning of faith. she says many old people lose the friendliness and joy of life that they had when they were young and become grumpy and rude

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 21 2011 Posts: 2693

true but it depends on the individual. my grandma has experienced many of those things but she's happy and smiley. she's very much a glass half full person.
also, it depends like if you're a spiritual person, you tend to cope better because you take the attitude that life is just running the way it's meant to for you but all for the good

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 06 2008 Posts: 5149

I think it depends on the person's personality to begin with.
A negative person is liable to become worse and a positive person may continue being positive.
On the other hand some negative cranky people soften up with age. Perhaps because they are tired of being cranky and wisdom sets in.

I don't think there is a general rule

I think as people get older they lose their facade and their true colors show

it definitely depends on the person. I guess that's part of the test though isn't it. like how much can we retain a happy spirit despite the hardships of age. I guess that's the overall test anyone who experiences hardships is, to just keep having faith it G-d. if a person has that, I see no reason why they can't still be a happy person despite problems age brings

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

I used to think people became more proper in old age and was shocked when a senior citizen let loose a stream of profanity at me when I accidentally bumped her with a shopping cart in a crowded supermarket. (FTR I immediately apologized and asked her if she was OK.) Later I laughed at myself for being so shocked: if a person had a potty mouth in her youth, why would she not have the same potty mouth in old age?

Age-related mental impairments can cause personality changes even before people are aware of the impairments. Sometimes that's what alerts family members that something may be wrong with the person--a previously pleasant person becomes hostile, or an energetic, inquisitive one becomes apathetic.

Age-related impairments rarely make people more pleasant, though previously shy people might become talkative and boisterous . It's much more common for people suffering from dementia to become combative. Much of this is from fear: when you're not sure where you are or who these people are who are trying to take you somewhere or remove your clothes or do other things to you, you lash out. If they come too close to you, you may think you're being attacked and try to defend yourself.

Old age is not for wimps. Chronic pain makes it very hard to be pleasant. Being marginalized and ignored by a youth-centric society doesn't make one wish to skip for joy, not that one can skip in any case. Becoming dependent on others to do things one used to do for oneself is humiliating and depressing. Having brash youngsters treat you as if you're mentally defective because you can't get the hang of new technology even though your intellect is still running on eight cylinders doesn't make you love humankind.

Absent an actual disorder, I think people's basic characters remain the same. A gentle person remains gentle, a bully remains a bully. But life in general--not just age in the sense of living X number of years, but the aggregate of one's experiences--can change a person. Gloomy people are not likely to become less gloomy as they age, but cheerful people can lose their cheer if life kicks them too many times in the head.

on the flip side, some people gain wisdom and become more understanding, more willing to compromise, less "my way or the highway"--again as a result of life experience and learning what's important and what's not, not simply as a result of having lived X number of years.

it really depends on the circumstances surrounding your life's circumstances ... while I'd like to think everyone ages gracefully, the reality is life is hard and if you're left with nobody to really hang in there with you, you could become disenchanted with life & people way younger than you think
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don't wonder why people go crazy ... rather wonder why we don't
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NUTso but cute ~ things balance out Nervous

Mostly I think older people just become "more" whatever they already were.
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If they had a hard nature then they fight it thoughtout their adult life. When they get older they can't fight it and can get much harder. I have seen it. When good natured easy going people get older they continue being pleasant.

old age is definitely extremely tough and from experience it's worse for those who have little family and no grandchildren or little contact with their grandchildren. this seems to make life more pleasant for the elderly or at least makes life more worth living. they have such love for them and take interest in even the little things. when people are old and lonely and suffering it's very hard. I volunteered in a care home and a lady was very ill and she always used to say what am I here for and things like that. it's very easy to say be optimistic, be happy, but the reality is very very hard and people cannot be all happy and cheerful when they feel they have nothing to be happy about.
if someone was a happy and cheerful person when they were young that's obviously a part of their spirit and it won't go away entirely but they can become less cheerful than they were because of experiences and so on.
behaviour and speech a different story.. definitely agree that some elderly people can be very rude and bad with their language
but I think that if someone was always a person of class in behaviour then that won't change as they get older. if someone was a sweet, very shy person they won't become loud and bossy unless from medication or something. some people may become better people, they may have learnt many lessons, become more tolerant of others, more wise, more gentle, sensitive, kind, however if someone is coarse in speech in behaviour when they are young then that may worsen as they get into old age if they are not spiritual/religious and want to work on themselves.
in terms of faith, I don't see what difference age makes, some people G-d forbid suffer ill health etc at young ages too and don't lose faith, if a person is truly religious/spiritual their faith is not going to change just because they face difficulties in old age
personally although I am only 24 I feel I have become a much better person than I was when I was in my teens and feel age helps me.. try to become better every day...haven't reached the old age yet though!!

it's very easy to say be optimistic, be happy, but the reality is very very hard and people cannot be all happy and cheerful when they feel they have nothing to be happy about.

it might not be easy but it is possible. there are some people who are still able to find beauty around them. from the smell of flowers to the sound of music to buying a gift for someone they care for or doing another act of kindness for a friend. if the elderly person has literally no relatives there are people sometimes organised to befriend them. there is a care home near me and every week they organise for Jewish school children to come in and help the elderly with the computer and chat to them at the same time. it may be hard, but life is a test of growth for all of us and old age is no excuse to let our behaviour sink to low levels. one's behaviour should improve with age.

Diamond Member Joined: Jan 14 2011 Posts: 2733

it is your choice to decide how you will age. will you be nice or grumpy? will you be kind or mean?

as for that grumpy old woman your friend might be talking about, I bet she has fascinating stories that your friend can learn a lot from. the wisdom of old age is something it would be wise of us all to drink in, as much as we can. and hopefully when we reach that age, we can be pleasant as we relate the wisdom we learned.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 29 2006 Posts: 4774

I find that older people are just more blunt, often translated as rude or insensitive but definitely not mean.
Almost like a child who doesn't have much of a filter. There are many factors contributing to how a person ages and the effect on their moods and personalities.
When I was complaining to my grandmother about something she had to go through because of her old age, she told me that getting old is a blessing. "Either you get old, or you don't".

And at a certain point/age, I wouldn't say it's so much of a choice how one ages.... maybe at 65 but not at 90 (both in physical terms and in emotional pyscolgical terms).
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Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

Zaq, your insight is tremendously enlightening on this subject. Thank you for sharing your clarity.

zaq my MIL loves to say "old age is not for sissies" and she's almost 90. And b"h in good health.

Cicero once said "crochety young people will become crochety old people" and boy was he right. A lot of it is a person's personality. Some of it is environment and situational but from my experience people who are nice and kind and enthusiastic and optimistic in their younger years remain so. Same for the opposite. Whatever one's personality is, usually stays and gets stronger, except of course for people who go through strokes or other such things like dementia which can alter personalities completely.
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"Olam Chessed Yiboneh", Tehilim 89.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20504

I was told that social "misconduct" can be an early sign of dementia.
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The future simply isn't what it used to be....

I have a saying 'people don't get better, they get older'. Ultimately, people are who they are, and if they are in to self improvement that isn't going to stop at an arbitrary older age, if they're not, then they're not and very few people have an epiphany to change their lives. People do, just not that many.

OTOH, there becomes an age where it becomes more acceptable to be offensive [racist] due to the perception of the younger generation vs the language of the older generation. Dh's grandpa is in his 90s and uses words which are very non-PC, my grandma in her 80s just gets more right wing every day, because she can (because she's always been that way, but now she reckons she's senior enough that no one will argue Laughing

). And they are awesome people who we are so lucky to have.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13203

My mil is 89. I was a divorcee and just got married this year to my dh who was never married.

My mil boycotted my wedding, claiming I am a divorcee. Further, every time I went to visit, she would insult me to my face. She does not suffer from dementia.

I started inquiring about her behavior to my dh. Based on what he has told me, she has always been stubborn. Once she makes up her mind, you can't convince her. She has always insulted people to their faces, including my other sils. But, she came to my other sils' weddings because they were never previously married.

She always had a problem getting along with people.

When I was dating my dh, people gave me advice that "she's old and afraid of being alone and that's why she's acting like this." They were so wrong. She has always been like this, condescending and stubborn.

I would call her evil, but she is nice to her sons. However, she does not take advice from them. She refused to wear a pendant until my husband came to visit her one evening, and found her sitting on the floor with her head bleeding. Only then did she think about getting a pendant.

On the positive side, she is 89. I am glad I won't have to put up with her much longer...