Host Ettiquete

Posted: Tue, Nov 21 2006, 5:29 am Post subject: Host Ettiquete

amother to avoid LH.

We went to a simcha in a different community this shabbat. We where very fortunate that a family who was friendly with the baal simcha agreed to host us and our one year old as well as another couple. We where very greatful, however we encountered a problem. One of the children was not properly educated in privacy boundries. He came into the bedroom early in the moring (while I was dressing Shocked

) to ask where the baby was. Later in the day when we returned to the house to try to put the baby to sleep, just as DH had her knoding off and was starting to put her in her crib (it took him 20 mins) the boy came into the room again and woke her up. There where no locks on the bedroom door so that was not an option. We tried to explain to the child that we needed to be alone, the baby needs to slepp, etc, but to no avail. We also tried to say something to the parents who seamed to indicate that this was an ongoing problem. The other couple mentioned that the boy also walked into thier room as well. I understand that this is thier house and that I am the one intruding on thier territory, however, if you know that you are haveing this issue, you should be taking steps to stop it, or at the very least warn your guests!

This is not the first time that I have had this happen to me as a guest in someone elses home. I remeber that a few weeks after we where married we went on a shabbaton and the children came in very early in the morning to get thier clothes (again without knocking). As parents who wish to house guest, you should be making sure that all items that the child needs are removed from the room ahead of shabbat if not before they come.

Am I being selfish or is this a common problem?

Posted: Tue, Nov 21 2006, 7:03 am Post subject: re: Host Ettiquete

I would say if you want a nice quiet Shabbos, either stay home, or go to a Hotel. They are doing you a big favour by putting you up, especially if they have to move their kids. Not everybody is super orginised and can remember on a busy friday to move every sock, tshirt etc that their child may need over Shabbos.

How old was this kid.., it makes a big difference. If he was over 7 or so, it is something he should understand. It sounds like the parents are aware of this and I'm sure they are discipling him. Maybe he is a difficult child anyway.

it is normal for kids to be very interested in guests, especially if they have kids! But my kids know they should not disturb our guests, and they are not allowed in.

If you were paying your hosts $100 a night to sleep there, then maybe you could ask for your money back. Laughing

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 30 2004 Posts: 3194

it really depends on the age of the child, sometimes when thier young you can tell them a thousand times not to do something and when your not looking they do exactly what they were told not too. Its a given if you are staying in someone's house that has children thier will be some intrusion no matter how angelic the children are.

Next time inquire about locks on doors before you agree to be a guest. LOL

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 20 2005 Posts: 5270

I do not have a solution but to answer your question. No you are not being selfish and I have found that this is a common problem.

Posted: Tue, Nov 21 2006, 9:39 am Post subject: re: Host Ettiquete

I agree that it was wrong however, what can you do? I would have put my suitcase against the door to keep it closed. You can't really reprimand the kid since it's not your house.

Posted: Tue, Nov 21 2006, 10:29 am Post subject: re: Host Ettiquete

I should add that the child was around 8 or 9.

Posted: Tue, Nov 21 2006, 10:54 am Post subject:

8 or 9 is totally unacceptable. My eldest is 6 & none of my kids have been in my guest's room (he's been staying with us for a week). It's not even an option. We have a boarder & they don't go in his room either.

Posted: Tue, Nov 21 2006, 10:56 am Post subject: re: Host Ettiquete

LOL. My nine yr. old has to be begged to knock on the door of our guests to get what he needs, he thinks it's wrong to walk into a guest's room even when they aren't there.

Sometimes I might ask a guest to leave the door ajar when they aren't there, so I'll know I can come in to get something if needed. This comes up when guests are staying for a longer amount of time, a week or more, like Tishrei. Because I do try to take out what the kids will need beforehand, but being only human, there are things we don't anticipate, or forget, or sometimes don't have a chance to take out before the guests are here already..
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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48159

That's kids for ya!

Posted: Tue, Nov 21 2006, 11:49 am Post subject: re: Host Ettiquete

sounds like kids with parents who don't bring up their kids properly.
there's no excuse for an 8 or 9 year old walking in without knocking.

Gold Member Joined: Nov 14 2004 Posts: 1741

If the parents knew it was a problem they should have put in a lock, or a hook & eye.Even children should not be going into their room when guests are staying there unless they ask/knock first.

Posted: Mon, Nov 27 2006, 3:50 pm Post subject: re: Host Ettiquete

I do believe that is lazy parenting. Don't want to tell the child they did something wrong, because it may hurt their psyche and then they won't have good self esteem.

Seriously, there is NOTHING wrong with teaching a child to knock on a door if it is closed, whether there is someone in the room or NOT, and of course, to wait for a response unless they're sure there's no-one there.

Unless the child is handicapped, like with Aspergers or Autistic or something like that, when it is very hard to teach them social skills.
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Platinum Member Joined: Sep 20 2004 Posts: 17151

I cannot understand giving a couple a room without giving them the ability to lock the door.

Posted: Tue, Nov 28 2006, 12:55 pm Post subject: re: Host Ettiquete

The parents should have given you some sort of system to lock the door. That said, please don't be so quick to judge the parents as having taught the child wrong. It sounds as if the child has boundry issue problems (perhaps mild case of aspergers or even an undiagnosed case of that or something similar.)
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