Teachers end of year expectations

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5894

If the problem is that you're too busy at the end of the year, 2 things: 1. Yes, if you sent something purim time that's fine, no need to be guilted into doing it again. 2. If you have more time in May than in June, so write the note in May and send it in June. Frankly even if you write AND send it in May the message will be the same and appreciated. The problem is that people either don't think of the teachers at all, or think of them as "they're paid for their service so what more do they need."

As to what I do, we give gift cards or sometimes small gifts. (Our school is publicly funded so we do not pay fees.) About half of other parents give gifts as well, often a plant or chocolates. They have 2 teachers, secular and hebrew and one kid has a special needs teacher. We both think it is very important to express thanks to the people teaching our kids.

The most touching thing was when my son was writing his cards to his teacher. I wrote a template for him to copy. (thank you for teaching me, etc) He added his own little addition to his S.N teacher: I love you.

That really warmed my heart.

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Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5894

I've seen some very dedicated public school teachers, I don't think it's fair to overgeneralize. They put up with a lot. And they definitely do anticipate at least some appreciation from some of the students/parents. The offerings might be tacky but it's the thought that counts, if you get zero thoughts after working with the same kids all day, all year, you feel bad.

Teachers work very hard and like to get feedback. Once when my ds was in playgroup he came home singing the songs that they sang during circle time. I wrote the teacher a nice note about it the next day. It meant so much to her that when she met my mom once, she told her about it. Those little personal word of thanks come a long way!
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I am a mother that used to spend time writting a meaningful note and give money and I stopped and here is why.

The teachers never acknowledged the fact that I spent time writting the note and going down to the school to deliver the note plus give money. I used to give $100 to the better teachers to $75 to $50 being the least. I did not get any thank you's in return and now I stopped. It's money if I spend the time to write a note plus put in $100 and I always did cash so they don't have to feel bad cashing the check or going to the hassle to cash the check then if they don't want to call me up then at least next time you see me thank me or send me home a note. And no I don't call it a thank you when I give you an extra $100 for Chanuka besides chipping in the $14 from the class and the teacher writes on the Parsah sheet a generic thank you. I think for $100 I deserve more.

Now what I do is give only to the teachers that I really like for Chanuka and see if they thanked me or not. If they did they get more for Purim if not then I will give like only $36 and forget about an end of the year thank you card and money.

This year I gave $50 to the teachers for Purim plus and expensive mishloach manos and a week later was PTA and the teachers still did not even bother to thank me.

Am I wrong? But I am human and this is hard earned money and I used to give it bec. I do appreciate what a teacher does but to ignore the fact that I gave money I'll stop giving.

I also stopped bec. when I thought about it the only possible reason a teacher wouldn't thank me is bec. they feel like they deserve it and not that it's an extra nice thing to do so if you don't thank bec. you feel it's coming to you then you won't get it any more and maybe you'll realize hey I should have thanked the mother.

Another thing that bothers me is why can't the teacher call at the end of the year to let me know where my daughter is holding and let me know what I should work on in the summer and if she is so busy for that then send a note home. To me that would warrant a thank you note.

I would love to hear people's opinions in a respectful manner. But I also read this letter in the Yated and was so tempted to write back.

Another thing I forgot to write was that I still give to my children's playgroup morahs Chanuka, Purim and end of the year thank you's. For some reason the playgroup morahs know how to thank more that the teachers in a school.

I also found that the more yeshivish the teacher the more they were less likely to thank. The heimishe's thank a lot faster. I felt like the yeshivish teachers felt that it was coming to them.

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5894

Amother, that's sad. I guess if there's an unappreciation pandemic, the teachers aren't immune either Sad

About the end of the year, I think teachers would generally call only those parents whose kids have an issue that needs extra attention over the summer. For the rest, they get report cards sent home with fine grades so the parents can see the kids are doing fine, and a comment that says something like "Moishy did great work this term, enjoy your summer vacation!" If a parent wants more affirmation than that for an ordinary kid, then they can contact the teacher and ask for it, I think most teachers assume that if there's no issue the parent doesn't want or need a call home in addition to the report card.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 29 2006 Posts: 4774

That's so interesting.

I once had a whole thread about whether to thank parents for their thank you cards or gifts and I was told over and over that you don't thank for a thank you. When they give it to you, you thank and if you see them afterward on the street etc you can add a thanks for the gift or card.

Now you're telling me otherwise?
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Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5894

I don't know if I would go out of my way to thank for a thank you card, but it would definitely be appropriate if you later happened to see or talk to the teacher (at PTA or other occasion) to mention that you got and appreciated the card. However, a $100 in the card is more than just a thanks, it's a gift of its own and warrants a thanks-for-the-gift. It's slightly awkward because you don't want to send it through the kid and then have other kids feeling bad that they didn't get a thanks to give to their parent, hence the generic note on the parsha sheet, but for an exceptionally generous gift the teacher could consider a phone call home.

But here we go again measuring what each person deserves. Sigh. It's like spontaneous appreciation is becoming a lost art.

I certainly don't expect thank yous from the teachers for the gifts I give. Maybe they mention it if I see them. But I wouldn't expect a thank you card or a note. And likewise I never sent notes or called parents who gave me gifts when I was a teacher.

Then again, I only give or got presents of values of well under $30 (for the generous ones).