Allergies and feeding others at simchas

When you're hosting a simcha or throwing a party, and either you, or a family member of yours (or both) are sensitive/allergic to a certain food, do you make the entire party without that food, do you make most of it without that food so that you can eat it, and a bit with that food so the other people can enjoy, or do you make one type of food for everyone and then special food for the allergic person?

I guess its a no brainer if there's something you have anaphlactic shock to by breathing it in, or even any dangerous reaction, but lets assume that you're not putting your life in danger if your stuff gets contaminated with the allergen, just sick/very uncomfortable.

I'm asking because my son's upsherin is coming up and I can't eat dairy or gluten, both of which are biggies. My sons and husband are also off of gluten, but not as strictly as I am. Me, if even a little bit of food gets contaminated with gluten (crumbs, a dirty knife, etc...) I react badly.

I'm wondering if I should make the whole upsherin gluten free and dairy free, or if I should serve a bit of gluten and dairy, but make most stuff gfdf and set aside portions for myself and kids to eat before the party starts to make sure it doesnt get contaminated... or if I should just serve everyone "regular" food and make special food for ourselves and not have the party food?
What do you do for parties when you have allergies in your family?
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Executive Member Joined: Oct 28 2011 Posts: 418

Dairy is really not an issue to not include at the party and it's expensive too.
Gluten- if you have great recipeis for that then go ahead and keep the party food according to your diet. You also get to keep the leftovers and not make dinner for the next week.

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7592

Every Shabbos I make the majority of the food stuff my allergic ds can eat, but I usually include some foods that he can't have. He has numerous allergies, and it's silly (and sometimes expensive) to restrict everyone to that extent. He is highly allergic, and definitely reacts to contamination. While I wouldn't trust someone else with my food prep, I do trust myself, and I find that I can keep things safe. I wash my hands well after touching something allergic. I use utensils that have been washed very, very well with soap. It works for us. I haven't experienced anything getting contaminated at the meal itself, but I guess at a large party it can happen more easily. The worst that happens in that someone eats an allergic food and then kisses ds, which makes him break out. We do remind family members at every meal to wash hands and face with soapy water before touching him.

Executive Member Joined: Oct 28 2011 Posts: 418

Are you going to have a meal or is it more like refreshments. If you're having a meal you definitely don't need cake. You can serve fruits, and other types of treats that are gluten free. Although I just saw your other thread about challa and you probably should have challa if you're having a meal since it's a seudas mitzvah.

Upsherin aint a seudas mitzva.

And I definitely want a cake at a birthday party/upsherin. Like a tzitzis cake. But do I make a gluten free one for everyone (mucho expensive)? Or just make a regular one, and then my son and I can't have it? Or let my son have it, and he acts cuckoo?

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 22 2008 Posts: 6420

make a 'cake' out of peanut chews or rice crispy treats and decorate that.

seraph, if you don't mind my adding my own particular situation to the question, I'd appreciate it.

I'm on the specific carbohydrate diet, so I can't have any complex carbs. this means no lactose, no gluten, no starch, no sugar aside from honey or fruit sugar or saccharin, but I don't like the idea of saccharin, so that's out. no starch means no grains. no rice, no pasta, no traditional bread, etc. I have to be very careful with what I eat, and this is not a weight loss diet. I react pretty strongly to problematic foods. the rest of my family eats everything. I have a seven-month-old baby girl for whom we have not made a kiddush yet. when my older daughter was born, the whole family came to our house for a shabbos so they could go to the kiddush. I didn't go (no eiruv here, nursing exclusively, etc), and I had to feed everyone. I don't mind having guests, but I felt left out of the simcha and was very upset.

so I told my husband I want to make a simcha on a sunday and either do it in my home or rent a shul or something. but I can't eat pre-made food, and I'll feel left out of the simcha if everyone else gets catered yummy stuff and I have to have the same-old stuff I usually make for me. my food is delicious, but it's hard to vary my diet with a small baby around. when we've had birthday parties for my other kids' 1st bdays, we've had a guest list of approximately 30 people, and that's just family members. I don't think I can cook for them all, and I'd like to invite my friends.

suggestions?

as to your question, seraph, I'd have it mostly gluten and dairy free. have a separate table of some additional things that you can't have, and place a sign there requesting that the guests not mix utensils due to food allergies. I'm not sure this would work for me because I have certain relatives who inevitably forget about the no mixing utensils, food, etc and someone messes my food up...

the only thing I can think to make for everyone is lentil falafel. I can make the batter in advance and freeze it, but it needs to be fried pretty close to eating it, or it loses the outer crispness. I can easily include salad and homemade techina, and put pita out on the tables so it doesn't make its way to the buffet. but not everyone likes falafel, and once I vary the menu too much it can get tricky...

sigh. difficult decisions. let me know what you do, maybe you'll come up with something better.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 24 2008 Posts: 6528

If there is going to be one big birthday cake. Like a tzitzis cake then I think it wouldn't be fair to tell the birthday boy he can't eat from the main cake. Even if he has his own to eat.

What about if you make cupcakes. Decorate them like little boys with a yarmulka and peyos. Or make square little cakes as individual tzitzis. make all of them look the same but 3 are gluten free and the rest are a regular cake recipe. This way no one should feel singled out.

I would just skip anything dairy and make it pareve.

We made a kiddush and I made so many things that I couldn't eat, and a lot of the stuff I made that I could eat, got contaminated... Which is why I'm thinking of just doing the whole thing gf... I dont trust it, even with separate tables...

Diamond Member Joined: Jan 19 2006 Posts: 4427

Two of my kids have multiple food allergies. For both of those upsherins, everything was homemade and safe. Its the childs simcha and milestone and they deserve to have a cake, and not to feel left out of their own party. There are way too many disappointments for kids with food allergies, they should never have to feel left out in their own home. Let the guests eat a gluten free cake, In the long run its only a few dollars and it will make his day special.

Not to mention that if you cook things that your family cannot eat, you will have to throw out the leftovers, which is a huge waste.

Executive Member Joined: Aug 08 2011 Posts: 314

I would DEFINITELY make the entire thing gluten free. Your health is too important to take a chance, and it's YOUR party! You have enough to worry about when you go to other people's affairs; make this one as "easy" as possible.

For gf cakes, you can make a flourless chocolate cake or any pesach-friendly recipe. If you make them at home, they cost way less than a store-bought regular cake.

Seraph, I agree that one big gluten free cake is the way to go. For the one cake, I think it would be worthwhile to splurge on the GF flour and make everyone happy.

Hopefully you can find GF rice crispy treats to make some peanut chew lollypops.

You can do peanut butter balls with peanut butter and confectioner's sugar and drizzle with chocolate.

Fudge cookies with confectioner's sugar too.

And maybe some people here have more simple GF treat ideas that don't involve more expensive flour.
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Really Awesome Mom!

mummiedearest, how about a barbecue kiddush? (or barbecue style - you can prepare everything in the oven if needed).

some ideas

moroccan burgers
kefta beef kebabs
honey mustard baby chicken skewers
schwarma baby chicken skewers
grilled chicken
tri colored vegetable fries
cubed & roasted butternut squash
brussels sprouts poppers
cauliflower mock potato salad
butternut squash salad
leafy salad
tomato salad
fruit kebabs
froze fruit ice pops

seasoned large lettuce leaves, tomato slices, onion slices to sandwhich burgers in
grilled portobello mushrooms to sandwhich burgers in
crumbed eggplant slices to sandwhich burgers in

if you want you can have buns for the burgers and chicken on a separate table, but I don't think you must.

all above recipes are SCD legal.

I was wondering the same for my sons upsherin - but he is the child that's allergic.

I think if it would be just me, I would just make whatever my child would like to have and just not eat.

I think as the party is for your child, you should make that everything there he can eat. So if you don't want him having gluten or dairy then don't use those.

You can serve chicken and potato or something like that.

Gluten free candy (gummy things, chocolate) and nosh is not more expensive (things like corn chips/popcorn that are natrually gf) so make one big gluten free cake and put out gf candy and nosh with more substantial food, if you planned on serving that. Expensive gf cookies and stuff don't need to be served, you have plenty of other options.