Any fellow breadwinners?

Posted: Mon, Jun 04 2012, 11:29 pm Post subject: Any fellow breadwinners?

So my DH stays at home with baby, and I go out to the workforce each day. I bring in the parnassah, basically alone. I am not complaining. Just wondering how many of us are out there. How do you cope with the house? What are DH's responsibilities. Was this your choice. etc...

Posted: Mon, Jun 04 2012, 11:39 pm Post subject: re: Any fellow breadwinners?

DH has had contract positions for a while with some unemployed spaces. His jobs pay more per hour but my job offers benefits and more stability. So sometimes I feel the breadwinner's burden.

Posted: Mon, Jun 04 2012, 11:47 pm Post subject: re: Any fellow breadwinners?

I go out to work while my husband learns in kollel. It is a mutual decision and one we are very happy with and would like to continue as long as we can. He is out of the house more than me, so I do more of the housework, but he is very helpful.

Posted: Tue, Jun 05 2012, 12:07 am Post subject: re: Any fellow breadwinners?

I have the whole burden of parnassa in our house. I'm married ten years, have four kids, and a husband that's supposed to be sitting in kollel but is home more often than not because of the many hours I work outside the home and I put a stop to this whole babysitting thing a while ago. It's not pretty.

Posted: Tue, Jun 05 2012, 1:13 am Post subject: re: Any fellow breadwinners?

I was and still am...especially now that I am divorced. I have found how damaging my being the sole breadwinner was in our marriage, because it allowed him to financially exploit me during the marriage and divorce. However, it was helpful in terms of having the means to get out of abusive marriage.

for breadwinners in destructive marriage, it can be an advantage AND a disadvantage. I really don't think women should have to support their husbands, my apology to kollel wives...in the latter case, these men learning should be supervised by their rabbis to ensure they are actually learning well and women should have supportive people to ensure she isn't falling apart.

Otherwise, the ketuba said men should support their wives for a reason. If I ever remarry, I will need proof that the man has been working for years and is financially solvent.
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Posted: Tue, Jun 05 2012, 5:29 am Post subject: re: Any fellow breadwinners?

Another breadwinner here. DH works in klei kodesh so not complete stay at home dad, but when the kids are on holidays or off sick, he's usually the one who takes time off. It is a mutual decision that evolved over a decade--he supported me during my grad degree course (pre-kids). We moved to where we are because of my work, so he's the trailing spouse. He does earn but not enough to support us financially. He's great with kids but let's say cleaning the house is neither of our strengths. I do cooking as I enjoy it and better at it.

Posted: Tue, Jun 05 2012, 7:24 am Post subject: re: Any fellow breadwinners?

DH and I both worked until our first was born. He then left his carreer to learn in Yeshiva and has been there for thirty years, while I worked full time. He does all the food shopping, cooking and cleaning (except for laundry).
It works out perfect for us. I had my priorities and never criticized the way he ran the house. He is extremely grateful that he can learn full time and would not want to jeapordize that by burdening me with housework, in addition to my job.
Also his schedule coincided with my seven kids yeshiva schedule, making life a lot easier when the kids were younger.
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I am not currently the breadwinner, but was for 2 years. DH took a bit longer than he should have to finish college, and I had already started grad school (we are the same age). Since I didn't have a full course load, it made sense for me to work during the day and go to school at night. Granted, we did not have kids yet during this time, though I was pregnant for the last 9 months, and the third trimester was really difficult. DH graduated a month after I had the baby and B'H landed a nice job just a few weeks later. I took time off to be with the baby, and since I'm a teacher and didn't get my act together in time for last September, I now have to wait till this September to go back (I already have a job lined up). DH will likely always be the primary breadwinner, simply because he's an engineer and I'm a teacher, and thems is the breaks.

Posted: Tue, Jun 05 2012, 12:27 pm Post subject: re: Any fellow breadwinners?

My husband works (for not enough money) during the school year but is off every summer, so during the summer you could call me a breadwinner and during the school year since he makes some of the bread you could call me the muffin lady maybe. Smile

Posted: Tue, Jun 05 2012, 3:42 pm Post subject: Re: re: Any fellow breadwinners?

Gold Member Joined: Jan 20 2009 Posts: 1259

I am the sole breadwinner in my family. My DH takes care of my 4 kids (including a 4 month old and a 16 month old). He cleans, cooks, shops and does everything in the house - except on weekends - when he expects me to take care of everything so he can have a break.

We didnt plan this out - but it just worked out that we could live on my salary and not on his, and we could not find affordable and reliable child care.

Does it work great, no. I am sure we both wish our roles were reversed, but it is what it is right now and we have to make do.

Posted: Tue, Jun 05 2012, 9:44 pm Post subject: re: Any fellow breadwinners?

So I work full time. 36 hours a week. I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry. My DH is home with toddler and does the shopping. If supper is prepared he will slide it in the oven or if laundry is separated he will run a load.

It is far from ideal but, at least there is an income. We were both job hunting and I got an offer first. So we decided to try it out this way.

It is hard and I am tired but, isn't everyone?