Advice regarding landlord's daughter

I'm really unsure what I shld do and if I should be doing/saying anything- I live in flatbush in a 2 family house- My landlord has a 16 yr. old daughter in a regular flatbush bais yackov school. Last night as I was looking out my bedroom window I noticed this daughter was hiding under their deck with a yeshiva guy. They were sitting there for hours doing I dont know what. And then right before I went to sleep at 11:20 I looked to see if they were still there- I was totally shocked and have been sick to my stomach since. Her shirt was off and they were hugging and kissing. Is it my resposibility to say something to her parents or is it totally non of my business?!??!?!

Silver Member Joined: Jun 08 2010 Posts: 527

Something has to be said. First of all, if you could see her then who knows who else may see her and ruin her reputation forever. Secondly, this shouldn't get out of hand. I am very pro talking to the girl first, depending on your relationship with her and her maturity. You can say that you feel this is not healthy for her and you want to speak to her parents but thought you would give her the opportunity to speak first. Maybe there is someone else she views as a mentor that she can speak to. You can make sure she does let another adult know and then it's out of your hands. You never know if talking to the parents can make it worse and just ruin her. I've seen it happen. It's the easy way out, but if you really want to help give the girl a chance to help herself. good luck!

How are you 100% sure that it was actually the landlord's daughter? Was there a light under the deck that you were able to see her face that clearly?
I would hesitate to tell the parents.

If I would do anything at all (I am not sure that it is my place or not) I would first talk to the girl and see what that conversation goes like.

Yes I know 100% it was her- the light was on over the deck... first when I saw her it was daylight outside. I'm not really sure what she was thinking because other people could have seen her too.
I really dont want to get involved its just that I'm really upset about it. I have nothig to do with her so I dont know if talking to her would help. I dont think she has a mentor shes your "typical " flatbush girl.

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 01 2009 Posts: 8211

I would tell her parents, but not go into too many details. Just say you saw her hanging out with a guy in the backyard and it seemed inappropriate. I would also ask them if they want you to let them know in the future or if they prefer this to be the only discussion. Let them take it from there.
_________________
Never mistake activity for achievement.

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 28 2010 Posts: 4872

You must speak to the girl first. Unless you know that she will not listen to you, so then you can consider speaking to the parents, but you have to be sure that they aren't going to throw her out or beat her.

You'd probably be a whole lot more effective than her parents, however, because you can talk to her, without all the terror that her parents are going to feel thinking that their daughter has been seen with a boy (OMGosh).

Anyway, I know nothing of flatbush, but if this is like a BY girl, this is not typical behavior and it's likely there are problems in the home (over strictness, not listening to her, communication breakdown). Proceed with caution. She should be your priority, helping her, teaching her (not to make out in such a stupid place), and encouraging her to have more self-respect.

Your other choice, which is a valid one, is to mind your own business. Unless she was coerced and was being abused or something, to which you are obligated to be a witness on her behalf.

I would tell the parents without a doubt. Before you talk to mom, make sure she's not stressed and watch how you say it exactly.
_________________
Sunday social program forming in Brooklyn for children with social delays. Pm me for more info
~complimentary ad for being a mod

I think it depends on your relationship with this girl. If you don't have any relationship with her other than her living near you, it's absolutely none of your business and you do nothing.

If you have a good relationship with her and have talked to her about life issues in the past, then you can talk to her and just warn her that this behavior can lead to problems and she may be better off not engaging in such activities. But if you can't be cool enough to have a frank discussion with her, it's probably better not to.
_________________

Totally not strict parents at all... very carefree- shes the younest with 1 other older brother home... parents will be upset but would NEVER throw her out at all... realy nice and normal people... I actually once over herad her on the phone and she was saying how great she has it.. she can get away with anything and her parents wouldnt notice.. shes not rebellious in anyway ... I think shes doing it out of fun/ think shes cool....
The most I've ever said to her was Hi and bye..... I once again overheard her say ( im really not that nosy that I listen to her conversations but when im in my bedroom with the window open and shes on the phone you can hear her speaking) that her sister-in-law warned her about doing stupit things in her teenage years that she may regret later so obviously she was warned and doesnt care and she wants this ... shld I mention it to he s-I-l so she can take it up with her!?!??! or just mind my own business!?!?
I'm going to need to pay rent soon(todays the first of the month) and im going to see her mother then so....... help!!

I would mention it to the mother. Something like "I know that I would want to know if it is my daughter. I saw her last night under the deck with a boy and they weren't just talking."

Leave it at that. No advice on how to handle or talk to her unless she asks. Simply inform.

Thanx everyone for your responses!!

you have to do it somehow without identifying yourself unless you want to look for a new place to rent.....

An anonymous note addressed to the mother if there are other homes that can see into your yard.

just wondering what you did in the end OP. I was really upset about this thread, I can 't believe these things happen in these circles.

We actually didnt do anything yet.. my husband is busy all week long in skewl and just asked his rebbi today who told us to tell these peoples rav and let him take care of it.. But I dont think thats a good idea. why would this family want their rav to now about it? so my husband will call his rebbi back tonight to discuss it...

I am the previous amother who bumped up the post. I searched for the thread bec I was still distressed by this situation. I wish you would do something already before something goes badly badly wrong for this girl...
hatzlocha

Sorry for hijacking the thread. I have a tenant/neighbor who may be a pervert or voyeur. She is always snooping around the block at all the girls. Its downright creepy.

Then she goes on online forums and either shares her fantasies or gives such accurate details that could only be true if she was practically sitting rt next to them, EWWWW...

Seriously, listen to SuzyQ... She knows what shes talking about...

Active Poster Joined: Jul 17 2012 Posts: 30