Why is she like this?

Posted: Fri, Jun 01 2012, 12:34 pm Post subject: why is she like this?

I have a friend, she has been coming to my house on a quite regular basis for about a year now (since we met). every time we sit down and have a cup of tea or whatever, or go into the kitchen, I always offer her some biscuits, cake, whatever I have in the kitchen she is welcome to eat. that's just the way it is , she doesn't have to ask me, she can just take whatever she wants, let alone another biscuit or whatever I've put out for her.
but she always me "can I have one?" yesterday, I put out a packet of biscuits for her and she had a few. then she put them down, and then a bit later she said "can I have another biscuit?"
I was like of course why do you have to ask! I was not brought up to be a person who is rude and just takes takes takes at all, but to have manners! it's just I don't understand why she always asks me for one little thing?!

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 21 2011 Posts: 2691

she doesn't want you to think she's taking advantage of your generosity or for you to think she's greedy (not saying you would think that of her)

Posted: Fri, Jun 01 2012, 1:12 pm Post subject: re: why is she like this?

Just different strokes for different folks.

Perhaps her parents were terribly rigid about manners as she was growing up. . . old habits die hard.

I am sure she is not making a conscious decision to ignore the fact you told her she needn't ask. Sounds to me as if it is just automatic with her. There are people who, upon being told for the 1,000th time it's ok to use my first name, continue to call me Mrs. R______. I know they are not choosing to disregard what I said - they just are on auto-pilot.

It is not rude to help yourself after your host has said it is fine - and it is also not rude to contin ue to ask if it's all right. Clearly she can't help it, so just have a chuckle when she asks you for the 1,000th time, like I do, and don't give it much more thought.

Gold Member Joined: Aug 12 2009 Posts: 1701

Could it be that she is British and you are not? :-p

I ask because I am like your friend. I was brought up to ask before taking and it is a habit that is difficult to break! I have some Israeli friends who I used to visit often and I drove them crazy when I asked if I could have more salad or a bit more challah at the shabbat table, they are like "stop asking already! That is so rude to us!"