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| willow |
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 Posted: Thu, May 31 2012, 11:06 am Post subject: re: WWYD - Non-frum MIL and gan kids |
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Chani F,
Why is it any different when going to another culture say like Japan where wearing yellow is a sign of sadness.
You would try not to wear yellow I assume right? I know not a good example but you get the point.
My non-religious bubby always makes the effort to look the part as so not to offend. It is a sign of respect for where you are visiting.
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| Ruchel |
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| Posted: Thu, May 31 2012, 12:04 pm Post subject: Re: re: WWYD - Non-frum MIL and gan kids |
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| chana_f wrote: | You're lucky that your MIL is accomodating about this. My MIL got terribly insulted once in a similar situation.
I think it is expecting too much to think she'll wear a housecoat! Nobody in the non-frum world does unless they're ninety years old! She might feel ugly and horrible about the situation. Can you buy her a shell to wear under her regular tops, and ask her to bring a skirt that's below the knee and has no slits? |
The model coat thing wouldn't go over well around me either...
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| chana_f |
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| Posted: Thu, May 31 2012, 12:04 pm Post subject: re: WWYD - Non-frum MIL and gan kids |
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Willow, the difference is, when people visit a foreign culture, they are not emotionally involved. They don't identify as Japanese, so following the customs of Japan is not a big deal. If you're Jewish and it's a big part of your identity and suddenly your Jewish child is telling you that other Jews will be offended by the way you dress...ouch! It feels very personal and hurtful. B"H that you haven't had those problems!
Neither my family nor my husband's family try to fit in when they visit us. They are nice and sweet people, but their attitude is, this is the way we are, accept us the way we are. I'm okay with that. After all, it's we who've changed, and frankly they've been wonderful in what must be a very hard situation, not being able to cook for their child, having us take on all these "weird" customs, etc. etc.
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| amother |
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Amother
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| Posted: Thu, May 31 2012, 12:12 pm Post subject: Re: re: WWYD - Non-frum MIL and gan kids |
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| Ruchel wrote: | | chana_f wrote: | You're lucky that your MIL is accomodating about this. My MIL got terribly insulted once in a similar situation.
I think it is expecting too much to think she'll wear a housecoat! Nobody in the non-frum world does unless they're ninety years old! She might feel ugly and horrible about the situation. Can you buy her a shell to wear under her regular tops, and ask her to bring a skirt that's below the knee and has no slits? |
The model coat thing wouldn't go over well around me either... |
Different strokes for different folks. My not frum mother who consideres herself very stylish and fashionable will not wear a high neckline or sleeves past the elbow, but will happily wear a housecoat / robe in the house. To her it's like pajamas, where as me telling her what type of t-shirt to wear (no plunging neckline, etc) is insulting because it's clothes.
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| HindaRochel |
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| Posted: Thu, May 31 2012, 12:15 pm Post subject: re: WWYD - Non-frum MIL and gan kids |
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Right. If she isn't going to interact at all with the kids it also might not work as well. On the other hand, if you can make it a "keep the clothes clean" issue, sort of "You know how children can spill and if you come in they may come up to you to say hi".
Do you really think that your clients will be that put out?
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| Shopmiami49 |
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| Posted: Thu, May 31 2012, 1:12 pm Post subject: Re: re: WWYD - Non-frum MIL and gan kids |
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| HindaRochel wrote: | Right. If she isn't going to interact at all with the kids it also might not work as well. On the other hand, if you can make it a "keep the clothes clean" issue, sort of "You know how children can spill and if you come in they may come up to you to say hi".
Do you really think that your clients will be that put out? |
Trust me, she freaks out from messes - she won't go near the kids if they are not her grandkids 
And no, I think most of the parents would be very cool with it. I am only concerned about one parent in particular...
And the housecoat would NEVER fly with her...I'm giggling just thinking about it!
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| HindaRochel |
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| Posted: Thu, May 31 2012, 2:57 pm Post subject: Re: re: WWYD - Non-frum MIL and gan kids |
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| Shopmiami49 wrote: | | HindaRochel wrote: | Right. If she isn't going to interact at all with the kids it also might not work as well. On the other hand, if you can make it a "keep the clothes clean" issue, sort of "You know how children can spill and if you come in they may come up to you to say hi".
Do you really think that your clients will be that put out? |
Trust me, she freaks out from messes - she won't go near the kids if they are not her grandkids
And no, I think most of the parents would be very cool with it. I am only concerned about one parent in particular...
And the housecoat would NEVER fly with her...I'm giggling just thinking about it! |
Oh well, so much for that. How upset would your mil be about asking her to dress up? Can you take the one client aside a few days before your mom's arrival and explain that your non-frum MIL is coming and won't be dressed tzenua and how would she like you to handle the situation? Maybe she'll have some ideas. If she starts insisting mil must dress right you can explain that you are trying to teach her love of Judaism and now isn't the right time.
Or maybe you can keep her out of the room during comings and goings. STICKY. Don't envy you. Wish I had the magic words.
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| Shopmiami49 |
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| Posted: Thu, May 31 2012, 3:21 pm Post subject: Re: re: WWYD - Non-frum MIL and gan kids |
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| HindaRochel wrote: | | Shopmiami49 wrote: | | HindaRochel wrote: | Right. If she isn't going to interact at all with the kids it also might not work as well. On the other hand, if you can make it a "keep the clothes clean" issue, sort of "You know how children can spill and if you come in they may come up to you to say hi".
Do you really think that your clients will be that put out? |
Trust me, she freaks out from messes - she won't go near the kids if they are not her grandkids
And no, I think most of the parents would be very cool with it. I am only concerned about one parent in particular...
And the housecoat would NEVER fly with her...I'm giggling just thinking about it! |
Oh well, so much for that. How upset would your mil be about asking her to dress up? Can you take the one client aside a few days before your mom's arrival and explain that your non-frum MIL is coming and won't be dressed tzenua and how would she like you to handle the situation? Maybe she'll have some ideas. If she starts insisting mil must dress right you can explain that you are trying to teach her love of Judaism and now isn't the right time.
Or maybe you can keep her out of the room during comings and goings. STICKY. Don't envy you. Wish I had the magic words. |
This is exactly what my first post read. My dh's idea was to talk to this specific parent. I haven't been able to figure out how to handle the parent end of this...
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| HindaRochel |
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| Posted: Fri, Jun 01 2012, 3:32 am Post subject: Re: re: WWYD - Non-frum MIL and gan kids |
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| Shopmiami49 wrote: | | HindaRochel wrote: | | Shopmiami49 wrote: | | HindaRochel wrote: | Right. If she isn't going to interact at all with the kids it also might not work as well. On the other hand, if you can make it a "keep the clothes clean" issue, sort of "You know how children can spill and if you come in they may come up to you to say hi".
Do you really think that your clients will be that put out? |
Trust me, she freaks out from messes - she won't go near the kids if they are not her grandkids
And no, I think most of the parents would be very cool with it. I am only concerned about one parent in particular...
And the housecoat would NEVER fly with her...I'm giggling just thinking about it! |
Oh well, so much for that. How upset would your mil be about asking her to dress up? Can you take the one client aside a few days before your mom's arrival and explain that your non-frum MIL is coming and won't be dressed tzenua and how would she like you to handle the situation? Maybe she'll have some ideas. If she starts insisting mil must dress right you can explain that you are trying to teach her love of Judaism and now isn't the right time.
Or maybe you can keep her out of the room during comings and goings. STICKY. Don't envy you. Wish I had the magic words. |
This is exactly what my first post read. My dh's idea was to talk to this specific parent. I haven't been able to figure out how to handle the parent end of this... |
I would kind of let her take the lead once you have given her the basic message "My MIL who is not frum is coming here for a visit, and she doesn't dress tsenua, really doesn't understand the concept. I don't really think she is ready to learn about the concept yet and I'm afraid if we try and tell her that her clothes aren't modest she'll get turned off to Torah Judaism. I wonder if you have any ideas on this? How can I let the other parents know about this so they don't get upset?" ie, let her tell you and let her help you. Then you can be eternally grateful to her when she comes up with an idea that works.
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