Do you light 2 candles or one for every family member?

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 30 2009 Posts: 4600

im sure this question has been asked before but I didnt see it in my quick search.

Aside from having to add a candle if a week is missed, how many candles do you light each week?

2- one for shamor and one for zachor

OR

2 plus one for every child.

(if you dont have children yet but your minhag will be to add one per a child please vote for that option)

Also does anyone know where the minhag came from?

I light one for every child as does my mother. (and MIL)
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2+1 for every child=5
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2 candles, like my mom, mil, grandma, great grandma... I have seen people lighting one per child IRL, but it's really rare. I always wondered where the minhag comes from, geographically, as they were diverse.
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"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

2 only, just like my maternal grandmother lit.
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Diamond Member Joined: Nov 30 2009 Posts: 4600

Thats funny cause most houses I or my dh have been to they would light an additional one per a child.

then on yom tov we were at a house that only lit 2 and so ensued a conversation....

2 + 1 for every child

My mom lights the same + 1 for every grandchild

2 + 1 for each child plus 2 oil lecht. So, 5 candles and 2 wicks.
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2 + 1 for each child. The only time I've ever seen only 2 candles was in a Yekke home.
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Gold Member Joined: Jun 01 2009 Posts: 2307

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Diamond Member Joined: Nov 14 2007 Posts: 2569

Just 2, like my mother (who has not posted that she does the same, yet Laughing

). We are not Yekkish.

Wow, so many do several candles!
Is it something you took on, or a minhag? is it Hungarian?

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 29 2005 Posts: 3586

2 + 1 for each child, like my mother and grandmother did.

I learned to light one candle for each child and to make sure two candles have olive oil.

Plus my girls light one candle from the time they are 3 yo. I think I learned this from Chabad?

My dh knows a Czechoslovak charedi couple who does it, maybe also an Austrian/Slovak charedi couple, as well as several Hungarian charedi (some chassidish some stam) couples. He asked me to ask: what's the link between shabbes and the number of children? he has never dared asking the reasoning behind.

I know Chabad couples whose girls light from 3. By us a girl may light one candle after 12, if the mom cannot light or whatever, maybe if she reaaaaally wants, but it's considered a "mom thing" and many moms would take offense, I think. I know of men lighting (and not big girls) when the wife is at hospital.

It comes from the fact that a woman traditionally did not get out of bed for a week after giving birth and as she was sleeping/nursing full time that week and one did not disturb her, she also did not bench lecht that shabbos. Hence for each child it is customary that she would add an additional candle, just as one does if one forgets to bench lecht, that's where it comes from, or so I was told.

We light two when we are married as a couple and then add one per child. However it isn't customary for some to do it on yuntif because if one forgets to light for yuntif (unlike for shabbos) one doesn't add a candle for the rest of one's life, only for shabbos. Also the business about oil versus candles is from a debate whether one can light from candles altogether, which most poskim allow, certainly.

What is customary is that when one is away from home, one lights two candles, because of the tircha for one's hosts or for onesself, no matter how many one is used to lighting at home.
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Totally makes sense! Thanks!

My own (MO) rav paskens that if one forgets a week, one doesn't add a candle because of embarrassment and of a risk that the new more difficult number would be transmitted to the next generation.

When the topic came up on this board, I asked my dad and grandparents if they knew pre war people doing it, their answer was no/don't remember seeing it...

I understand that some people light with oil and not candles, so why not light 2 oil + one for each child? Why all candles plus 2 oil? Sounds like a lot of lights!

Freidasima- thanks for that explanation... I like it!