Choosing a high school--WWYD

Posted: Mon, May 07 2012, 9:37 pm Post subject: choosing a high school--WWYD

DH and I started thinking about a middle school/high school option for our daughter. In our town, there are two jewish day schools.

School A is a community day school, co-ed and only a handful of families are shomer shabbos/kashrus. It's a kind of school where kids hang out at KFC or pizza hut after school. Academically it's considered decent but not excellent.

School B is a bit further away (45min to 1hr one way), separate boys and girls campus, very solid limudei kodesh but has VERY low expectation in terms of chol. There are some bright girls who go onto college (community college, some go to state college) but emphasis is more on arts, design, sewing, vocational course.

As both DH and I feel very strongly our children should get decent college education, and DD is quite bright academically, we started thinking about non-jewish schools as an alternative.

School C is not jewish, but non-denominational and probably as much as 10% of students are Jewish. I don't know how frum these families are, but the school is accomodating in terms of letting students leave early on winter Fridays or making kosher food arrangements. The academic program is reallly superb, and especially I liked the level of intellectual and cultural stimulation that I haven't seen in either of the jewish schools. It's girls high school but has occasional social event with a boys high school which is a sibling school.

I never thought I would dare send our children to a non-Jewish school, but I was rather dissapointed with English and Math levels at School B. And I know another frum family who changed from School A to another non-jewish school because they felt "being a frum minority in a non-jewish school is socially much easier than being a frum minority in a non-observant jewish day school." Any thoughts?

I sympathize with you. My brother took his 2 out of Jewish schools and put them into very good private prep schools. The school is very accomodating regarding the children's needs. It is expensive tuition, but the school has a really strong endowment and gave my brother very good financial aid.

They are a frum family and obviously their choice raised more than an eyebrow or two. But my brother and his wife feel strongly that the education in the Jewish schools available to them is lacking significantly. They do not critize the schools openly though. Just quietly do what it right for them.

Now they are a minority in the school but no one has been anything less than friendly and respectful, if not a little curious. They learn with a tutor after school some days, since they have a short wednesday it is easier. They go to groups on Shabbos and spend the summers in frum overnight camps.

The children wear uniforms, so there is no issue with tznius. My brother bought kippahs to match the uniform, and it's so cute on them. The children are respectful and well-behaved to each other and their teachers. They even stand when an adult comes in the room.

For HS, they are thinking of the American Hebrew Academy. The Jewish boarding school in North Carolina. The rest of the family is watching closely, as the other children (cousins) are younger still. But this could become the new way my family does things. Interesting.

Posted: Wed, May 09 2012, 8:13 pm Post subject: re: choosing a high school--WWYD

bump??

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 07 2006 Posts: 2556

I don't have any real advice, but I can give some insight into going to an academically rigorous non-Jewish (public) school in the higher grades.

Making up a day of class in a top high school is very very difficult. Rescheduling an exam is easy - catching up on missed calculus instruction isn't. Non-Jewish teachers don't "get" that you really can't do a lot of homework when you're out of class for two days, but the missed classroom time over the holidays is even more of a problem. If you have a larger Jewish community than I did, there may be greater awareness and willingness to work with students to plan in advance for extra tutoring or re-scheduling of assignments.

The other major issue is Jewish studies. I'm sure you have some ideas for tutors, online courses, or other options.

I don't feel that being in a non-Jewish environment was dangerous or detrimental in any way. Some imamothers will tell you that public schools are the root of all evil, but honestly the environment of a non-Jewish school will be determined more by class and local culture than by religion per se. Is "School C" in a decent area where people behave normally?

One of the reasons, I think, that my Jewish identity is so strong is because of the minority experience coupled with positive Jewish experiences at home. I was active in Jewish organizations and made many lifelong Jewish friends outside of school.

Some new options include online or distance schooling for secular subjects. Is this something that might work for you?

Don't underestimate the value of the vocational and arts education at "School B." One of the drawbacks of taking the typical pre-college route is how lacking in real-life skills the graduates are. Taking higher math and English courses over the summers might make up for missing them during the school year.

Hope this helps!

Posted: Wed, May 09 2012, 9:02 pm Post subject: re: choosing a high school--WWYD

We have one Jewish day school elementary & high school in town, actually about 15-20 minutes away. One of our daughters did well in the elementary school just because she is a born genius, I don't believe that most of the teachers there had much to do with it as she is virtually self taught in Math & Limudai Kodesh. Our next daughter is also very bright, but a different kind of kid. She is now in 7th grade at that school & can barely read a word of Hebrew! Through the years, whenever I brought it up with the principal, she just sloughed it off. At this point, we have a Kriyah specialist working with her privately. This town is a Chabad town & nepotism is rampant, which is fine with me if the teachers are talented. Unfortunately, it is not a wealthy community, so most teachers are hired, & I kid you not "Oh, you can't pay tuition. Come teach here then"! I just had quite a conversation with the English principal (she's 25) of the high school our older daughter attends. She came into the school after having been in advanced Math for years and is now pulling a C in Math. Same teacher for Math & Science at the high school who is a bit of an incompetent. Well, to make a long story longer, the school is now trying to pull themselves up by their socks so that my daughter will pull an A or B in Math & Science for the final term. OMG. No choices at all. About an hour away is a very good Jewish high school, but co-ed and very expensive. Not sure what to do either. Thanx for listening.

Gold Member Joined: Jan 27 2010 Posts: 1440

There is a large social element at this age. Many activities will likely be on Friday nights and before shabbos ends. What will you tell her when all of her friends are going out and she feels left out? Same with kosher. I'm not judging just adding things to think about.

Gold Member Joined: Jan 27 2010 Posts: 1440

I agree with cm about missing class. She will have to be very on top of things to handle yom tov and even shabbos in some cases.

Posted: Wed, May 09 2012, 9:56 pm Post subject: re: choosing a high school--WWYD

that is a tough choice - I dont know if advice is worth anything because you are the one taking the risk in any of the scenarios, so you have to live with it.

A has a good location & jewish identity but you will have the highest likelihood of but we are all jewish so why can't...... (probably?)

B she might have fun, but you would have to provide a supplemental education on your own which if you agree with the school in every other way will give her the best availability of potential friends to do things with, doubt friends of scholls A or C will want to hang around reading or playing board games on shabbos and y"t.

C I think there is a good chance that she will come out okay jewishly because she will always be the odd one out excluded from a full social life that is usual for high school, maybe a stronger jewish identity if she feels discriminated against, even if everyone is nice she will feel different, but there is always a slight chance she jumps ship altogether. You need to know her. But she will be much more worldly than coming out of school B, which may or may not appeal to you.

I don't envy the choice you need to make at all. I don't know what I would do.

Silver Member Joined: May 01 2012 Posts: 634

I would rather keep my kids in a Jewish environment and supplement in any way I could.
Our DS is gifted in math and science. I definitely want him to get a college degree. His yeshiva is laidback about limudei chol,but has very nice boys in it. We are enrolling him in a special online course this summer for gifted kids.
check out http://cty.jhu.edu/ for more info.

Silver Member Joined: May 22 2008 Posts: 973

Posted: Mon, May 14 2012, 4:53 am Post subject: re: choosing a high school--WWYD

how about school b and supplementing with some of the online homeschooling programs eg http://www.k12.com/?

Gold Member Joined: Jul 14 2009 Posts: 2094

a kid usually wants to be like & ends up like their peers.

if you'd send her to school C & teach linudei kodesh on the side, why don't you put her in school B & teach limudei chol on the side. You can never underestimate the power & influence a person's suroundings have on him. Hatslacha raba!

Moderator Joined: Dec 18 2008 Posts: 3612