If you are hosting and bring wine do you

When we have been given wine by guests it has never occurred to me that it was anything other than a hostess gift. I am curious now and want to know what the people who come as guests, bring wine and expect to drink it themselves do. Do you also bring a hostess gift or do you basically come empty handed?
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Liba, mommy to Zlata Tova 5/6/98, Tziporah Faiga 1/12/01, Esther Rivka 7/13/04 and Avraham Chaim 7/2/2006

Usually the first time we go to someone's house for a meal we bring something, but not always wine.

In our home, not everyone knows that my husband is allergic to alcohol, so no matter if we get cheap 15 shekel wine or very expensive wine, we dont open it, ever. We keep it to take to someone else's house. If we have an open bottle in the fridge, it will just sit, for ages, until someone who we know drinks wine is coming to our home.
We once had wine so long that when I opened it it smelled like vinegar.

I also always assumed that wine was just a gift for being invited. I never thought that it was being brought to enhance the meal, it was a "thank you for the invite" gift.

What's a hostess gift?

We often bring a gift for the family who hosts us unless a case it would not be appropriate, like close family or friends.
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"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

A hostess gift is a gift for the hostess (or family) that is hosting you. It is pretty standard in my circles in the states, unless it is close family hosting, and in my circles in E"Y as well.

When we had an extended family gathering for a yehrtzeit (over Shabbos) and each nuclear family slept at different local family's home I was in charge of hostess gifts for all of the families who were doing the hosting. I bought nice jars and made home made pickles for each family as a token of our appreciation.

When we have seminary girls or yeshiva bucherim they almost never come empty handed. We always tell them not to bring anything, but they come with flowers, candy, a hand towel, or wine, and once a picture of R'Moshe Feinstein. Smile

Silver Member Joined: May 18 2010 Posts: 501

We often bring a bottle of wine over before Shabbos when we are guests. I usually do expect the wine to be served, but I am totally not insulted if it is not. I was raised to always serve what people bring, and I always do that when I am the host. I am surprised to see that I am in the minority, but it makes sense now that I think about it.

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 07 2006 Posts: 2556

I don't bring wine because I don't like it, and I don't give things that I'd rather not receive (including all those little tchotchkes people give for gifts...). That usually means bringing something edible or non-alcoholic to a Shabbat or YT meal.

People with special dietary needs or with very picky children might bring something to eat or drink personally (other than a hostess gift or whatever you offered to help out), but not otherwise.

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 18 2005 Posts: 2922

our guests often bring wine, we always open a guest's wine at the table.
we sometimes bring wine, its usually served at the table too, although it would never occur to me to be insulted if it wasnt opened.
I think its good manners to serve the wine a guest brings. if someone brings cookies or candy would you put it aside for later? I'd serve it with dessert.

Executive Member Joined: Aug 09 2011 Posts: 303

We usually do bring something when we're invited but it's ususally not wine. my husband doesn't like it and we dont usually buy it. The only time we have it is if someone brings it and then we usually do open it.

I was once at a family simcha and when I was in their house I noticed allot of gifts that people had sent. I was wondering why they weren't brought to the simcha so I asked .
they claimed that people who send over food/cake for a simcha want it to be enjoyed and it doesnt neccesarily have to be on the dessert table. They said they were making more use of it at their house cuz some people do come over to the house so there should be some things there as well.
I think I would be highly insulted if I sent something to the simcha and it wasn't out at the actual simcha.
Is that normal?

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7592

If I am hosting, I usually serve the guests' wine, because I assume it is something they like to drink.

As a guest, I am not at all offended if my hosts do not serve the wine I bring them. Once you give someone a gift, it's up to him to do with a gift as he sees fit.

If someone brings us wine it gets hidden until I can get rid of it. DH is an active alcoholic and I do not keep wine in my house. I will not open a bottle of wine at my table. I will also not bring or send wine as a hostess gift in case there is a similar situation.