Do you continue giving gifts to all the Rabbi's???

My husband is on the board of a Yeshiva. We are not wealthy but we b"h have what we need. We are invited to every Rosh Yeshiva, Menahel, Rebbi, Secretary etc. simcha from the yeshiva. We go to some of the simchos but not all. Until now we have been giving on average $100.00 to everyones simcha (child) regardless if we go or not. B'h there are many simchos a year. We caculated the other day that if we were'nt that generous we would be able to take a nice vacation with this money. Is it normal to feel obligated to constantly give gifts to everybody? B'h they all have large families and some make two simchos a year if not more.

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5778

Perhaps make a smaller donation or send flowers on the day of the simcha?

Still a nice thought but not so much money. $100 is quite a lot and several times a year too!
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Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3066

Wow, that is a lot. Flowers is a good idea ($35 gets you a nice size arrangement) or cut down your gift by half. $50 is still generous today.

I find by giving flowers is not for the Chosson & Kallah and more for the parents. The only time I give flowers or a chocolate platter is usually when I chip in with my block. I rather give a $100.00 check then $100.00 Oh Nuts platter.

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5890

I think $100 is pretty generous for the relationship you're describing (unless in your yeshiva board members have a special kesher with faculty?! but then their kids are already once removed from that even) so I would suggest cutting back. If you feel that a $25 check looks cheap, then consider getting some gifts in that price range; if you know where to shop you can get something that looks nice and is even useful without breaking the bank. You can look for something on closeout and get a whole bunch since you predictably have a steady stream of simchas, you shouldn't have to shop for a special gift for each one. Keep a closet stash of pretty vases or bowls for wedding gifts and sets of seforim for bar mitzvas.

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 28 2005 Posts: 4654

Another suggestion - perhaps ask a Rav if you can use maaser money to give checks to the individuals you describe who are in chinuch.

OP here - Giving a gift makes sense really. In the past my husband always felt that a Rabbi's child that is getting married you must give money. But its adding up to big bucks. And I rather really start saving this money for the future or for a well deserved vacation. If we just give a thirty to fourty dollar gift for a wedding on sale they can't say they got nothing. Any ideas where to get good deals on wedding and Bar Mitzvah gifts? Giving silver now is not an option because the price on silver is so high.