How Long to Send Away Kids After Birth?

Mamushka, I would pay for help too if I needed (and could afford it) it since I don't have family help. But I don't think it's normal among most Americans to move in with their family for a month or have their mom move in with them. The two are not comparable at all. And girls expect it with their first and second child, I'm not talking about those with half a dozen or more.

In my situation, it was the opposite, when I had my second my dd was 26 months old,
And I would've sent her to away only for 1 week.
But my mil, where she was staying at insisted on 2 weeks min.-to 3 weeks
Saying how a yidishe momma needs her rest!!!

Senior Member Joined: Jun 06 2009 Posts: 217

I went away for two weeks to close family when my mother gave birth to my siblings and was not affected by it. in the long run the child benefits as they will get back to a more rested mommy, if possible.

do what works for you.

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 28 2005 Posts: 4661

Gold Member Joined: Jun 29 2011 Posts: 1210

Growing up I remember going away when my mom had a baby and I had no issue with it. I got enough attention from the people I stayed by and I was excited about a new baby in the family.

I recently gave birth to my second child and had to send away my dd who is 16 months old. I went straight from the hospital to see her and took her home for the night. When she first saw me she seemed a bit angry at me but she warmed up after a few minutes. Then for the next week she went back to my parents but she came to visit me almost everyday. The end of that week was pesach so I came to sleep over for shabos/pesach and then for the second seder we took her home, and she has been home since.
It was a bit hard to have her away but I knew I needed the rest. Also knowing that she was in good hands made me much calmer.

So to the Op, if you have help take advantage of it. You need your rest cuz once the kids come back home it will be hard work.
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Silver Member Joined: Mar 27 2011 Age: 27 Posts: 789

I personally can't imagine ever doing it, I couldn't imagine doing it to my kids. And I am soon due with my 4th IY"H and my oldest is 4.5..

If you have the option and feel a need do it, and if a kid misses you let them come home..

Sorry, I think the while practice is crazy. I stock my freezer with food for several weeks & get extra cleaning help. But I could never, ever send my kids away or even let a day go by without seeing them.
They are my kids & my responsibility.
Oh & I have c-sections so recovery is no picnic.

I wish I had a place for my kids to go to! (my parents are halfway across the world, plus they are in their 70's) I think it's a huge help to a new mom.

If any imamothers want my kids next time I have a baby, please PM me. They're quite cute.. as you can see on my profile pic. Wink

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I understand the goal, but if the child is so small that he will bother you, I would be afraid to send him away "because of a sibling". And if he's bigger then he can be told to not bother too much.

The mom's state matters a lot, is she c'v sick or in big shape or somewhere in the middle. Does the dad have a paternity leave? how long? can the grandmom come? do they qualify for free or cheap help at home? can they afford help if they don't qualify?

With the hormones I missed Mati horribly and I gave birth on a Saturday and was out on Monday and saw her on Sunday too! Had I been allowed I would have been out on Sunday, for real Laughing

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Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7256

I agree that if you do this well, like sending to a nice grandparent, the child will not be scarred. Your child will, most likely, be fine.

But unless I hade complications after delivery, I would never even consider this. It's completely unacceptable in American culture and I see it as a huge sign of weakness. Sorry to be obnoxious. If you can't take care of your kids and a baby for two weeks, what makes you think you'll be able to do it for 18 years? You are simply abdicating your responsibility to your other children, for the sake of convenience. That's okay for a weekend getaway, but for two weeks? With small children?

Gold Member Joined: Apr 27 2010 Posts: 1978

I also don't get it. In my circles, it's definitely not done and even if it was, I wouldn't feel comfortable sending away my kids for two weeks (and some send away for 4 weeks!) I know it's important to rest up after having a baby but people in other circles manage without sending away their other kids. It's hard but people do it because their children are their children. Children need their mommy, and usually just the time in the hospital is enough time without mommy.
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Silver Member Joined: Jun 21 2010 Posts: 827

Silver Member Joined: Jul 15 2011 Posts: 993

I personally havnt sent any of my kids away after birth (only when I have still been in hospital).. but I can see how sending kids away could work, if they are school age and would find sleeping out exciting. I think two weeks IS a long time though.

Not only long for the child, but long for the people hosting your child. Whether they are family or not.

OP, dont worry about what is the norm. Do what is best for you and your children. Nothing is written in stone. If you need 2 weeks, take two weeks. You can always change your mind.

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 22 2008 Posts: 6431

I was in the hospital 6 days last time I gave birth. my daughter stayed at my parents but I had made arrangements with her daytime babysitter so she stayed longer there till my siblings finished school and where able to get her (extra 2 hours every day) she was out of the house from 9-5 everyday, my sisters just had to feed her and put her to bed. they didn't want to return her at almost 3 weeks, I physically went to pick her up, took her to the dr and she had bronchitis.... so yeh, next time if my siblings and mother insist on keeping the kid longer they can!

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7256

Moderator Joined: Mar 29 2005 Posts: 18309

Marina, there is a BIG difference in energy levels at under 2 weeks, 4-6 weeks, and greater than 6 weeks.

I don't advocate sending out kids just because everyone else does it, but I can speak from experience that what you can't handle at under 2 weeks you can at 4. And what you can't at 4, you can at 6.

~Signed someone who was stupid enough to think shopping at Walmart at 16 days postbirth dragging a heavy shopping cart was ok because she felt fine.
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Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7256

I should probably be less judgmental. There's a thought.