14-Year-Old DS About to Be Kicked Out of Yeshiva-WWYD?

Gold Member Joined: Nov 17 2010 Posts: 1018

I am wholly unimpressed with the "image-consciousness" of the school administration. But I would also point out to DS that his "friends" left him twisting in the wind to save their own necks. Even under pressure from authorities and facing expulsion, your DS still showed strength of character by refusing to rat out his buddies. As soon as he starts defining himself by his excellent middot (loyalty, not bowing to authority's pressure to save himself by incriminating his friends, willingness to accept responsibility for his actions and to learn from his mistakes), he will realize his full potential, which I believe is considerable. I hope the expulsion doesn't become The Thing That Defines Him - it's up to you to frame this in the best possible manner so he can move past this phase and put his leadership skills to good use. Hugs to you, and hopefully you will find a much better learning opportunity for your DS next year that values character more than image.

Update:

In the end, they didn't throw him out, b"H. I am supposed to call the RY on Motzaei Shabbos and he will tell me when ds can come to him and make an official apology and statement as to why he knows that it is wrong to do what he did. Then, if they like his answer, he can come back.

So I have done my part. The rest is up to how ds behaves and what Hashem decides.

Good Shabbos!

I do not understand why you are so desperate to force your son BACK into a yeshiva where:

A He is unwanted

B He is not supervised

C The students sound a little out-of-control

D The administration cares more about the schools image than the social, emotional and physical well-being of their students.

Please take a moment to explain yourself as I am completely bewildered by this thread.
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"WORRYING is like sitting in a rocking chair... It gives you something to do but does not get you ANYWHERE!"

Good, OP.

Allow me to explain why, Valleymom. We are only about 10 weeks before the end of the zman. This is not the right time to pull her son out of this yeshiva. First he has to finish the zman. Then she can decide what she has to do. It would also look VERY bad for her son if he were to leave the yeshiva right after this business. If he leaves it has to be on OP's terms and when the time is right for her and her son. She has to do everything in her power right now to preserve his reputation because if that goes down the toilet so does his future.
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�All that is thought should not be said. All that is said should not be written. All that is written should not be published. All that is published should not be read.�
Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk

Chossidmom has it right.

I think throwing ds would have a bad effect on his reputation, would mess him up in terms of where he'd want to go next, and woud also do him a lot of emotional damage. He is very happy to go back there as he has many friends in that place. I told him that we should start looking for somewhere else for him to go next year. In the meantime, let him finish the year and then move on, rather than being slung out with nowhere to go.