Working & Exhausted

Gold Member Joined: Oct 14 2010 Posts: 1224

Don't know your DH's schedule, but in my home my husband prepares my lunch after he comes home from davening. He also gets our son ready to go to the babysitter. Perhaps you and your DH can figure out a way to divide some of the morning responsibilities.

Posted: Thu, May 03 2012, 12:11 am Post subject: re: Working & Exhausted

Here are some tips that have been a real help for me:
Make sure that your vitamin d levels are normal.
Use bagged or prepackaged snacks for the kids.
Keep clorox wipes under sinks and wipe down counters and surfaces a few times a week so that your home stays clean.
Plan meals and snacks for the week on Sunday, create shopping list and buy everything you need so that you can avoid random, tiring grocery trips during the week.
Cut up fruit at the beginning of the week and package for your own snacks.
Eliminate white flour and sugar from your diet as much as you can.
Cook double- dinner for two nights, so that you only have to cook 2-3 times per week. Reheat leftovers the following night.
Make crockpot dinners once a week.
Keep a consistent and challenging exercise routine.
Make a list of "go-to" activities that your kids like so that you can get some rest while they play, like play dough, white boards with markers, aquadoodle mats, coloring books, stickers, puzzles, cheerio necklaces.

Silver Member Joined: Mar 26 2009 Posts: 947

When did you go back? You will eventually have a routine, tricks and a "system" that works for you.
Right now, things are harder because you don't have that yet. Just know that TIME really does make a difference!

I don't think you need to stop making your DH's lunch. But, if possible, you and he need to find ways for him to contribute more to the running of the household and childcare. I think the biggest mistake women make is getting a job and assuming they are still completely responsible for the house and children. That's just not possible (IMO).

Good luck!

Oh, and you made me laugh with the "ideal mothers' work hours"- there's no such thing! Very Happy

Posted: Thu, May 03 2012, 3:23 am Post subject: re: Working & Exhausted

A hot breakfast requires EITHER a pot OR a frying pan, not both. Everyone needs to eat the same thing (all the kids AND you & DH). You need to eat lunch. Your oldest kids need to get themselves dressed. Your DH needs to pitch in a bit whenever he can. Shower at night.

I leave with DS#3 at 7:00 and DH is responsible for getting everyone else out the door (breakfast, teeth, backpacks, sometimes their snacks if I haven't had a chance yet). My 6 & 4 y.o. are responsible for getting themselves dressed and putting their snack containers into their own backpacks, as well as putting their own breakfast dishes into the sink when they're finished eating.

I pick them all up again around 4:15/4:30...they don't get hot suppers unless it's pasta with cottage cheese or eggs, or unless I have leftovers from Shabbat to pop in the microwave. That's fine, they're happy with it. The big kids need to tell me the night before what they want in their snackboxes and put out their clothes for the next morning.
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Silver Member Joined: Mar 26 2009 Posts: 947

Senior Member Joined: May 12 2008 Posts: 151

I want to say I agree with everyone who said it takes time to adjust and get used to your new schedule. You'll get there by trial and error and seeing what works for your family. A lot of people posted great ideas for starters.

I would also suggest that lunches can sometimes be made two days in advance - I've always wanted to try this but still haven't. I mean, if you are making one sandwich or salad, you can make two. And lunches and snacks can definitely be switched to the evening before.

You didn't even mention Shabbos prep, I don't think. but the key there is also figuring out how to do a little each day and double or triple everything to save work. When I switched from part time to full time this was an adjustment for me, but as long as I start on Tuesday it works. But it took time to get used to - each week I would strategize differently until I came up with something that worked for me without having to be up too late Thursday night.

Also, make sure to drink enough water. that may help as well. I don'' know about you but sometimes hours go by and I don't even realize I haven't had a thing to drink, and once I do I feel so much better.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 24 2008 Posts: 6528

Posted: Thu, May 03 2012, 11:42 am Post subject: re: Working & Exhausted

Routine, routine, routine. That's the advice I was given... Every day of the week we do different things, but here are some of the things that help me:

1. make a bunch of sandwiches in the beginning of the week
2. yogurt, oatmeal or cereal for breakfast. No cooking/cleaning
3. Dishes are done once a day- at night. Morning is too rushed
4. I only do laundry once a week- we have enough clothes to last us. I do not fold laundry- takes too much time.
5. Dinner is prepared the night before... nothing fancy (noodles, fish sticks, chicken nuggets, scrambled eggs, etc...)
6. When cooking for Shabbos I freeze. I make kugels on nights that aren't so busy and don't make fancy meals
7. I shop online/during my lunch break. Food shopping is done once (maybe twice) a week.
8. I use my dishwasher all the time. If we're eating pareve for dinner, we eat it on Fleishig dishes so we don't have to wash them
9. Lunches for me and DH are salads. We bought a bunch of container, line them up on Sunday and fill them. Then during the week we just add the extras, like leftover chicken or tuna salad.
10. We buy/eat a ton of bananas... no prep. Just take it for lunch and go...

Well, that's all for now. If I think of anything else that wasn't mentioned, I'll chime in again.
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Executive Member Joined: Jul 25 2011 Posts: 322

If your kids are up at 6:00 anyway pop them into the stroller with a blanket and go for a 15 min. jog. I do serious walking every morning at 6:00 but my baby is happy playing with toys in his crib till I get back. When he was younger I would take him with me. The morning walk is seriously rejuvenating and a great way to start the day! I know this isn't for everyone but it's my lifeline.
As others said:
your DH can help out more - dress the kids, etc.
shower at night
For breakfast never more than one pot
Sandwiches and snacks the night before
don't skip lunch!

Beginner Joined: Apr 24 2012 Posts: 5

You shouldn't be working so hard! Get some cleaning help. Even if it's 2 times a week , for a few hours each time. Believe me it's worth your health. Please don't kill yourself. I'm on a tight budget but no matter what I save for my cleaning lady. So you'll cut corners elsewhere . Do it! life is to short, your children need a lively happy mommy to make great long lasting memories with. Don't sell yourself short!

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 24 2008 Posts: 6528

Executive Member Joined: Jul 09 2008 Posts: 377

Silver Member Joined: Dec 30 2010 Posts: 737

Other tricks: buy a milchig crock pot. Make oatmeal in the crockpot and you can instantly eat breakfast.

Lay out all clothes the night before (for yourself and the kids)

Pack backpacks, lunches, and briefcases the night before.

Cut the caffeine! (if you are drinking any). It'll keep you awake for a little bit, but then you'll crash and burn.

See if you can have a teenager/chesed girl come for a 1/2 hour - 1 hour in the early evening. Then you can get a nap/cook dinner/read a book/put your feet up/whatever it is that helps you relax while she plays with the kids or starts the homework routine.

Executive Member Joined: Jul 09 2008 Posts: 377

Thank you all for your great tips & advice!

I will start eating lunch every day. That with a short nap when I come home should tide me over until bedtime.

You gave me all great ideas!

Silver Member Joined: Jun 14 2010 Posts: 693

Oatmeal can be made by pouring boiling water from a teapot/urn straight onto the instant oats (packaged is easiest). And use disposables. So no a.m. dishes.
I have a friend who buys a few loaves of bread at a time, makes it all into sandwiches, bags them, and then freezes them. This takes her 20 min or so (on a Sunday or easy evening) and she has sandwiches made for a month.
Like everyone before has said, do most of your chores the night before. Then, even if you are awakened at 6 by a child, you can still rest (I have them come and snuggle with me in bed) and have a calm relaxing morning.

It sounds to me like you are trying to be supermom (hot fresh breakfast every a.m., packing lunches for dh, etc) but if you are working and running a household and trying to be a good mommy/wife, some things will have to slide. And don't feel guiltly about it. Iy"h one day you'll look back at all those things you were reluctant to give up and you'll probably wonder why it was all that important.

Beginner Joined: Feb 01 2012 Posts: 24

I think half an hour on the couch is a life saver. That is what works for me. The kids learn to deal with it especially if 1) I sit with them for snack and conversation before I lie on the couch and 2) There are video, book on tape, coloring etc options to keep them busy. They are happy for quiet time after a long school day too.