What are right responses to DD who obsesses about body shape

DD is driving me nuts

she is beautiful! she is tall and slim and pretty but she is obsessing about every little imperfection and driving me bananas!

ok so she is working on losing a little and maintaining a healthy weight but she is always showing me her pot belly and kvetching that she can't get rid of it.
Yesterday she came to me again and lifted her shirt showing me her profile of her belly and asking me "is this normal"
I'm like "everyone has a bit of a pot"
so she starts getting frustrated "it's not a bit, it's a lot and it's NOT normal. No one has a pot like this, why do I have a pot even when I've lost weight and am excercising, I can never get rid of it, I want to find out if why it's happening."

I don't know what she wants from me anymore. to take her to a dr? is that normal?
I mean, am I wrong not to agree with her that there is something wrong if she is slim but still has a pot.

Now please, in your responses, please skip the comments about anorexia.
she doesn't have it. I know she doesn't and I see how she eats and she's fine. I'm fully informed about the topic and know what to look out for

I don't know much about dieting or exercise, but could it be she's toning the wrong areas of her body? I think there are specific exercises for shrinking your stomach. I also remember once seeing an article about a diet that specifically targets belly fat.

Hatzlacha.
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First of all- if you think maybe maybe it's something, but maybe it's normal, tell her that you think it looks fine, but if it would make her happier to hear that from a doctor, then ok. (this way if it's nothing, she doesn't think she has a weird body, but you can confirm with a doctor. Unless it really looks off.)
Second, what it really sounds like is that little bulge that comes about two weeks a woman gets a period. Honestly, I have that little jut-out fat under my belly button. I'm not fat at all but it pops out a bit over there, and does for many girls. So if you think it's really nothing, know that it's normal for a teen to stress out about body image (and you say you know for a fact it's no eating disorder) so when she makes comments about that just tell her she looks beautiful, and otherwise try to develop on other things she can build her self esteem on, like chessed or hobbies. (Maybe get her involved in community chessed organizations.) That way she has something else to focus on and feel good about what's on the inside to boot!

Be honest, if if's a pot then she has a choice.

She can either exercise, 100 sit ups a day will take care of it, especially if she adds leg lifts.

And she can eat healthy and skip all that fun teenager food.

Or she can accept her tummy and get over it. Learn to dress in a way that hides it.

You might want to add that having that pot is important to keep her from being a perfect idol. This way no one will worship her too much.

tell her yes the majority of people have a little fat around their tummy. it's totally normal and it's cute. it's horrible to have a completely flat tummy with no curves around it

chani8, she does exercise and eats healthy and I have told her it's normal.
she just gets annoyed when I say it

When a girl is saying "my body is imperfect" she is saying "there is something defective about me" or "I'm not good enough". Listen to her, but don't focus on her body, just reinforce that you think she is perfect just the way she is and how much you love her, just because she is herself, besides for her beauty and all her wonderful qualities. She might not listen to you the first time, and maybe not even the tenth, but if you persist in this and don't get annoyed (which will just make her feel worse) eventually it will sink in and you will give her what I believe is the greatest gift a mother can give a daughter.

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 27 2005 Posts: 6730

I think that some people organs push further out than others and toning the muscles there well will make the area flat, but its not nec fat that is there. Get her an abs workout video, doubt theres any harm in her doing as many crunches and such as she wants.

Gold Member Joined: Jan 03 2011 Posts: 1503

If she's excercizing, watching what she eat, and is thin, she should not have a pot. Is she doing specifically ab excercizes? Or just cardio?
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My daughter has the same problem. Situps and crunches did help much. Now she started hula hooping 15 minutes a night. She says that she feels a difference.
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Diamond Member Joined: Apr 29 2006 Posts: 4772

I think you should tell her that she looks normal. If she continues to be concerned about whether this is normal I would take her to a doctor. The doctor will confirm your statements and talk to her about what is healthy, normal and what if anything she can do to look the way she wants.
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Moderator Joined: Jun 05 2011 Posts: 3372

Some of my nieces (age 6 and 10) have a cute pot belly, and are otherwise thin. I think it's just a body type.
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Silver Member Joined: Apr 03 2011 Posts: 618

If it really disturbs her, and her being disturbed disturbs you, then I would say take her to the pediatrician and let her/him tell her that it's normal, healthy, etc. and what to do about it if it bothers her. This way, she will hopefully feel validated by you, that you understand that she has a concern (regardless if you feel it's a valid concern or not). It also will hopefully put her at ease. Hatzlacha!

Gold Member Joined: Feb 08 2012 Posts: 1039 Location: USA

how old is your dd? what you should do and say to her, really depends on her age in my opinion

Gold Member Joined: Feb 12 2008 Posts: 2386

If a woman loses too much abdominal fat they generally can't menstruate.