Did not receive an invitation

Posted: Sun, Apr 29 2012, 3:56 pm Post subject: Did not receive an invitation

DH has a first cousin who lives in a nearby city. We see each other a couple of times a year and we always invite each other to simchos. We went to his last son's bar mitzvah a few years ago, which was over shabbos and they arranged for us to stay at their neighbor's house. At our family chanuka party, he and DH were discussing the next son's bar mitzvah. He told DH that he is making a shabbos event and using the same hall and the same caterer as the last one, and they discussed it as if we would be attending it.

Our problem is that the bar mtzvah is in a week or 2 and we have still not received an invitation. We moved since the last bar mitzvah and we called the tenants of our old home to see if they got the invitation, but they did not. DH is convinced that it got lost in the mail and he wants to call his cousin and tell him we didn't get the invitation, but that of course we will come for shabbos... I feel like that is bad manners and that we should wait for an invitation or for them to call us to see why we didn't respond. I think that because they would have to find place for us for shabbos, they would definitely realize if they meant to invite us. DH says he'll do whatever I say, but he thinks I'm thinking too deeply into it and he is not at all shy to call his cousin and ask directly.
What would you do?

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48152

they must know that you did n't get an invite. you would have responded to it, if you had.

Gold Member Joined: Sep 23 2008 Posts: 1261

Moderator Joined: Aug 14 2005 Posts: 4541 Location: Ohio

DH's family, he gets to decide how to handle it.
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mommy to 2 girls, 1 boy

"I would rather have my people laugh at my economies than weep for my extravagance."
--King Oscar of Sweden

Have him call to ask--it can't hurt, and it'll stop the tensions/worrying. Perhaps they didn't send an invite b/c they assumed you had the details "Yup--same hall as last time, second week in May" and were planning on attending. Like I said, no harm in having DH call to ask! (He should call.)

Silver Member Joined: Aug 16 2007 Posts: 621 Location: USA

I agree with the posters who said to call.
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I would call and may not ask directly but say hi etc.
Quite a few people I really wanted to be weren't at my wedding because they never got my
invitations. I feel and felt really bad and it all could have been avoided had I called them or they called me.

They are probably busy with preparations. You can also have a family member ask for you if you are uncomfortable and don't want to put them on the spot.

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 17 2009 Posts: 3960

If Dh's parents are invited have them call the parents of the cousin to find out. Otherwise I would call directly.

Executive Member Joined: Apr 29 2008 Posts: 324

It's his first cousin, right? So, is there another relative your husband could call, like his Aunt or mother, who might know if you really were supposed to be invited? That's happened to me before. I actually called a kallah's sister, who was shocked that we didn't get an invitation, and sure enough, for some reason they had a totally wrong street address for us.

Silver Member Joined: May 15 2007 Posts: 935

Gold Member Joined: Aug 12 2009 Posts: 1701

I understand why you would feel uncomfortable asking outright, I would too but if your DH feels OK with it I'd have him call directy to clarify. I think men often have less of a problem than women do asking or being asked stuff like this, at least my DH does and his friends seem to as well!

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7613

Does your dh have any siblings? I would assume they were either all invited, or none were. If the others were invited, I would call. Some of my wedding invitations got sent back to us inexplicably, including dh's sister's! I saved the envelope to show her that we didn't forget about her Wink

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 25 2007 Posts: 4846

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Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7921

Gold Member Joined: Apr 27 2010 Posts: 1972

what did you decide, op?
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"I'd agree with you, but then we would both be wrong".

I forgot to update this -
The cousin called and asked if we got an invitation! It turns out that they received very few response cards and discovered that many of their invitations were lost in the mail.
B"H it all worked out and it was a beautiful simcha!

Gold Member Joined: Apr 27 2010 Posts: 1972

Thanks for the update! Glad it all worked out Very Happy