Can't get past it. am I nuts?

Posted: Wed, Apr 25 2012, 10:49 am Post subject: can't get past it. am I nuts?

I have a nice largish sized family b"h. While not all of my kids look alike, they all bear some sort of resemblance to dh or me or each other.

Not my 2 year old. She is an adorable little girl who looks nothing like anyone else and less and less so as she grows up. I get comments all the time. "Who does she look like?". "She's so different". I'm always asked who's kid I'm taking care of.

My cousin, who used to spend a lot of time at my house, came over after having been away for almost a year. She greeted all my kids and then smiled at dd and said you must be a _________ from next door. She really didn't think it was my kid, and she knows I have one that age.

Almost all my kids talked really early and walked late. She walked on schedule, and just started talking. My husband says I read too many frum novels. WDYT?

I get this all the time about my youngest. Unlike my two older girls, who have straight hair and dark eyes, she has a lighter shade of brown curls (see my new avator!) and green eyes. Her shape and size are totally different too. And her personality...don't get me started. She's nothing like the rest of us.

But she's mine. Totally mine.

(and I think she takes after my mother in some ways...as she gets older I'm seeing this more and more).

My friend has a redheaded daughter, who comes from...Mars? They are not aware of any reds on either side of the family. Blondes, brunettes, but no gingis.

Enjoy your child.
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Chayalle

Posted: Wed, Apr 25 2012, 12:08 pm Post subject:

Oh she's totally mine, but in the back of my mind.....?

yup, You must've switched her in the hospital Laughing

Active Poster Joined: Feb 13 2008 Posts: 70

You know, babies are accidentally switched at birth sometimes. You could always do a DNA test to verify.

An amazing book was written about this phenomenon:

http://www.amazon.com/Someone-Elses-Twin-Babies-Switched/dp/1616144378

You could do the DNA test just to settle your nerves.

good luck!

My baby was switched in the hospital once. Good thing I realized that he baby they brought to my room looks different that mine!

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 30 2009 Posts: 8233

I would try hard to get past this because you don't want your daughter to sense something as she grows up. She will likely realize how she is different and will turn to you, and you want to be confident in your approach.

Posted: Wed, Apr 25 2012, 12:57 pm Post subject:

OP again. There's no nursery where she was born. Only rooming in. I was only apart from her for 2 minutes after birth when thry weighed her right outside the room.

DNA testing? Okay, in the 1/10000 chance that she's someone else's THEN WHAT?? I'd rather have that annoying wonder my whole life

Yes, you really need to get over this before any feelings are communicated to the child. And when someone makes a moronic statement, correct them immediately.

For an example of just how different children can look from their parents, see, eg, http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/blond_bombshell_yapSXUVO8AsKLUmKTFVO3K

All my kids look like me, except one. I am dark-hair, eyes, skin. So is DH. We have one blond haired blue eyed, pale son. (darn, he shoulda been a girl! Wink

). Even his build is different than the others. And he was my only baby that never left my sight after his birth-so I know he is mine. From the beginning I referred to him as my "mutant". Always in a loving manner of course. He has come to refer to himself as the mutant of the family. Funny though. He is now 16 and people are starting to say he looks just like me (minus the coloring). So ya never know.
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If you're gonna be blue, be bright blue!

I think it's better to test her now so you know forever more she's yours and you will never treat her differently than the other kids. Even if you don't plan to or don't want to you can sometimes do things without realizing.

It can't hurt. Especially if you can get it over the counter.

Gold Member Joined: Oct 10 2010 Posts: 1581

Ask all your relatives to dig out the family albums... your relatives and DH's relatives... and comb through all the pics. Do a little detective work. Your child's looks come from somewhere.

Then, when someone makes some kind of remark, you say "Yes, she looks nothing like her siblings, but she's the spitting image of my great-great-aunt Plonit"
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See my ad to buy pregnancy tests and ovulation tests in Israel for a great price. http://imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=136877&highlight=pregnancy+tests

Gold Member Joined: Aug 19 2011 Posts: 2059

Posted: Thu, Apr 26 2012, 9:01 am Post subject:

I don't know if I'd ever have the guts to do a DNA test, but just out of curiosity, what's it called? How is it done?

Here's my line of thinking:

The chazakah is that she's mine. Practically speaking, nothing else makes sense, and I'm being ridiculous.

If I decide to take a DNA test "just in case" then I'm admitting that there may have been a mix-up. (Unless someone switched her while I slept for the 10 hrs I was in the hospital, I can't imagine how). By admitting there may be a problem, I have to think about what I would do in the off chance that....I don't even want to go there, so I'm going to think along the lines of my being ridiculous, that makes much more sense logically.

Gold Member Joined: Jun 05 2011 Posts: 1052

It happens. Looks sometimes skip a generation. One of my sibling s blonde and no one has been blonde in my family for about 3 generations. We always got comments on where did he come from. Anyways, one of his kids looks exactly like my mother did as a child so I don't think anyone still tries to deny that they belong.

Moderator Joined: Jun 05 2011 Posts: 3378

One of my kids looks nothing liek the tohers and nothing like me and my spouse and people comment a lot. He does have a very distinct look and he had it even as a 1 minute old newborn right after I pushed him out so I know he's mine. That big forehead and small chin and funky hairline just make me smile Smile

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5799

My mother has 8 kids ka"h. Number 7 is a little girl who although she has the big eyes like all of us, is the complete opposite coloring from us. Like black and white. Literally opposite.
My mother has had so many questions who's kid is she? Laughing

At my sisters sheva brachos one of her new sils came over to my mother and said tell me since the wedding I cannot figure out who this little girl's mother is (she pointed to my sister) my mother said I am. This sil could not believe it!

Does she have the coloring from another side, she may look like a grandmother/cousin. It happens. If you or dh are a recessive gene of what she looks like...its possible to come through.
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Active Poster Joined: Nov 30 2010 Posts: 96

All of my DH's 11 siblings are shorter than average--4 brothers under 5'5" and his 7 sisters are all under 5'3". And my in laws are both 5 feet tall.

My DH's a whopping 6 footer!!

Go figure!

(I always wanted someone tall dark and handsome...so maybe Hashem made him grow tall just for me! Wink