Mother's guilt - is it worth it?

Posted: Tue, Apr 17 2012, 7:31 am Post subject: Mother's guilt - is it worth it?

Hi everyone. This is a 2-part question (anon because people know me on here):

I have always maintained that I want to be home when my kids come home from school (this is after having friends who hated not having their mother home and even myself, having a mother who worked from home but was working when I came home).

Recently, my husband and I decided it was necessary for me to stop working from home and get a part-time job as I would get more money that way.

I have an interview next week for a position that involves one full day's work (coming home close to 6) and the other days would be shorter days. After doing all the calculations including babysitting and transport, it turns out that we would still be short a few hundred dollars each month (as opposed to the over $1000 currently).

Question 1: Should I consider the one day a week my kids would come home to a babysitter, considering how I've felt about it, a vital factor in perhaps not interviewing for this job and keep looking? I know a lot of people do it but I feel guilty for considering this now when I've felt so strongly about it in the past.

Question 2: Considering we wouldn't even be covering all our expenses, is it all too much hassle and guilt for something that's not even enough income?

I should mention that the position I'm looking at (medical admin - my industry) is close to what I have been looking for but not easy to find which is why I feel like it would be a good idea to go for it. On the other hand, maybe I should just forget the whole thing if it's not worth it?

Thoughts?
TIA!

Active Poster Joined: Jul 07 2011 Posts: 38

The first thing I have to tell you is STOP FEELING GUILTY! Believe me, your children , at the end of the day, will appreciate your hard work and all that you do for them so that they will have a more comfortable life. And they will also have more respect for you. You wont be the shmatte sitting at home doing nothing. Its true, children and even other adults think that a woman who works at home, whether its a paid job that can be done from the comfort of home, or being a housewife , is not working at all. If you are home, they feel you are sitting around doing nothing. We know better. Nothing is more far from the truth. Being a good mother often means sacrifice. You cant always be there. Thats just life. Dont worry so much. If the job is right for you , take it. Everyone will benefit. Hatzlacha!

Gold Member Joined: Jan 12 2010 Posts: 2345 Location: US

I think a job where you are only not home for them once a week is worlds better than if you had to do that daily - in which case you are never there for them.

well said THEMRS!

I think one day a week coming home to a nice babysitter is not bad at all although it is not first choice... its just one day a week. you will be there all the other days. Your children will know to appreciate all the other days that you will be home when theY come home from school.....
as for the part that you will still be short every month, you gotta do what you can to make ends meet even if you wouldn't cover, at least you wouldn't end up with $12,000 debt after a year. the more you bring in the better. you have to give it a shot (at least an interview) especially if it is hard to find such a job..

that's just one woman's opinion....
Good Luck!

oh and STOP FEELING GUILTY. THERE IS NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT!
_________________
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing

Senior Member Joined: Jan 11 2010 Posts: 186

I think one day a week is not something to feel guilty about - that'll be the day with a lighter supper, frozen pizza, something they can look forward to - she'll read books to them. Go to a park in nice weather. Something you might not have time for.

Also, getting a job in your field, will help you in the future with a different job, or different hours in this job later on. It's not that this job is totally impractical hours, a very difficult adjustment.

I am hoping to increase my hours every day, which will mean I'll come home after my kids, so I listen to you, and think what are you worrying about.

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 07 2006 Posts: 2556

Using a babysitter one afternoon a week is not the same as never being there for your children, especially if you will save money (or at least be less-behind) which will benefit the whole family.

Keep in mind that it is far easier to find a job if you are currently employed, so going to this interview may help lead you to something better later on.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48223

A job isn't just dollars and cents. It also means social security and when you want life insurance for yourself, companies don't like to insure stay at home moms.

Also - you won't have little kids forever. Keep that in mind. The will go to school and you will need to pay tuition and you will definitely want a job then.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3170

Definitely go for it.

Wow. I'm not sure what I was expecting but I'm (pleasantly) surprised at the encouragement and reassurance. It has definitely helped my decision.

Interestingly, before I logged back on to check the replies I had another look at the transport situation and decided that there was no way I could get there by 9 and was going to cancel but now that I've been given another push to give this a go, I'm going to ask if I could start at 9.15 instead. Do I ask about that when/if I get a job offer or during the interview?

Thanks everyone! You've really helped me with this decision Very Happy

Silver Member Joined: Jun 14 2010 Posts: 702

Not being home one evening of the week really means that you are the mother who is home for her children 6 days a week. Wow! That sounds so lucky. And to save yourself thousands of dollars in debt... I can't see that there is even a question.
As other posters have mentioned, make that one evening a week with the babysitter a fun and enjoyable one. Let that night be pizza night, or provide her with crafts/games/books to make is fun. Also, to assuage your guilt, you can leave a note for your kids on the kitchen table from you. I am absent one night a week (at least) every week, and on rare occasions I am gone two days in a row (ie, don't see kids for 48 hrs). On those really difficult stretches I usually decorate a poster with pictures and notes from me, and usually hang Hershey kisses from it. That way they feel my presence and know that I am thinking of them even when I'm gone.
I don't think kids will suffer in any way from your occasional absence. In fact, you might find it a beneficial way to inculcate some responsibility in them.

Diamond Member Joined: Jan 14 2011 Posts: 2823