Is no candy worse?

Posted: Sun, Mar 25 2012, 10:30 pm Post subject: Is no candy worse?

One of my neighbors is very restrictive with her children's candy eating. From what I have seen in general, it is not as if they are never allowed to even taste it, but it is more strongly limited than the average kid. Their mom is proud of this fact (if a little self-righteous at times). Yesterday, in my house, the kids came over later in the afternoon.... we had already had shabbos party, and the bags of leftover purim candy were still on the table. When I came into the kitchen, I saw that these kids had totally decimated the bags of candy, without permission, even my ds, who can overindulge with the best of them, was surprised. Later he told me one of them was stuffing it into his pockets as well. I am talking about 4th graders, incidentally.

I have always felt guilty for being more lenient, mostly due to feeling overextended and unable to enforce such restrictions, and generally feeling inferior as a parent to this mom. But now I wonder.... is over restricting candy in this day and age even feasible? Was her kids' behavior typical for kids having these restrictions?

(anon just in case)

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

My kids have very limited candy and they don't go crazy over seeing sugar. It all depends on the way they are taught about healthy eating habits.

My 8 yr old gets hyper on a small amount of sugar which is why I need to restrict him even more than the others. I even need to restrict his fruit until I figure out exactly how much sugar he can handle. He had a birthday party in school today and we knew that meant donuts and soda. He happily skipped it in exchange for pizza for dinner. (0 sugar, I checked.)

That's the first time he ever refused all the treats given out at a birthday party. He sat there while his classmates enjoyed theirs and he was strong enough not to care. I'm really proud of him for staying strong.
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Posted: Sun, Mar 25 2012, 10:54 pm Post subject:

It depends on how the candy is restricted. I've seen it go both ways. I know a family that only allows one or two candies on shabbos but explains in great detail to their kids why candies are bad for you. So the kids feel like they're part of mommy and tatty's 'team' of being healthy and don't mind it as much (they have expressed frustration at the extreme control though) as kids who are told point-blank 'you can't have candy because it's bad, because I say so.'

Personally I've let my daughter eat candy from a young age (she's 2 now and her bobbies were already offering candy at 10 months) and if I offer her a lollipop in one hand and a piece of cheese in the other, 3 times out of 4 she'll choose the cheese. Same if I offer her potato chips and scrambled eggs - she'll devour the eggs and nibble the chips. Don't get me wrong, she loves candy. But she loves nutritious food even more.

I want her to learn healthy food choices, but don't think restriction is the way to do it. I never think restriction is the way to do anything, actually, barring extreme circumstances.
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Silver Member Joined: Jan 09 2012 Posts: 752

Op- my mother was Exactly like the mother you described and I am like those kids till today. I think its ok to teach kids about moderation and to set limits, but no junk food at all backfires.

Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 2:18 am Post subject: re: Is no candy worse?

I started out like that mom and at a certain point was convinced to change over to strict limits during the week and plenty of nash on shabbos - so they got to "taste" from both worlds. now in their 20's and on their own, they are all reverting back to the healthy food choices of long ago.

so - even strictness needs a measure of moderation.
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Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5876

I have a friend who DOES NOT LET HER KIDS eat gum and I mean DOES NOT let. AT ALL!
Her kid dreams of one small piece so much that she has stories of how she will marry the owner of a gum factory, build a gum house, bake cakes and cookies with gum in and give it for free to all the kids in the neighborhood it will be packets of gum all over her house always and forever.
She always asks every person if they are allowed gum and how come?!

Now I know gum is not such a nice thing especially in kids. I also wasn't allowed gum as a kid but if someone gave me one I would chew it and spit it out end of story, my parents were ok with it. At special times (vacations etc) my parents would buy for us bazooka bubble gum and we could have one a day!!!

Too extreme is never good. There are ways to say no without saying NOOOOOOOO!
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Gold Member Joined: Jan 12 2010 Posts: 2345 Location: US

Gold Member Joined: Jan 12 2010 Posts: 2345 Location: US

Silver Member Joined: May 24 2010 Posts: 612

I don't give my kids any candy or chips but I also don't make a fight over it. If their at a party and want to try some, I won't stop them. My 5-year-old has no interest in tasting chips or candy. His yetzer hora is soda which I don't bring into the house but he has at parties sometimes. Dh gets upset when he has but I feel making a fight over it is worse. I tell ds that's its very unhealthy and can give him cavities which would make the dentist give him a shot, but if his whole class is drinking soda at a class party, I'm not going to make him stand out by not drinking anything. My 3-year-old told me he eats potato chips at shabbos party in school. He's not ready for nutrition information yet, so I don't comment when he tells me and I don't buy it at home.

Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 10:11 am Post subject: re: Is no candy worse?

I hardly ever give my kids junk food -- but they're still young. My oldest is four. He does have nosh in school (I absolutely HATE the fact that on Fridays they have bread and chocolate spread for lunch, cookies for snack, a Shabbos party, and they usually make cookies or soemthing to take home. WHY?). But before he started school last year, he had barely had any unhealthy snacks.

Last week, we were reading a book (I think?) about a kid who got "a treat" of some sort. Ds says to me, "Mommy, it's not fair. I NEVER get treats."

My stomach dropped. Have I really been depriving him that badly? "You don't?" I asked. "What kind of treats would you like me to get for you?" I figured I'd give him whatever that "forbidden fruit" was, maybe twice a month or something, so that he wouldn't feel deprived.

He responds, "We haven't had strawberries or blueberries in so long, Mommy! Those are my favorite treats, it's not fair, how come we never have them anymore?"

So we had a little conversation about how fruits go in and out of season, and how soon berries will be in season and we'll have lots of them. And I splurged on some for Shabbos that week.

Somehow it made me feel that I'd done something right. The only time I've "bribed" with junk was for toilet training. The rest of the time, his "treats" are fruits, weird types of cheeses, or whole grain pretzels. Yes, he loves all of them, and gets so excited when I offer him one of them. It's all in the presentation.

Amother because I've told plenty of people this story in the past week Smile

Gold Member Joined: Jan 12 2010 Posts: 2345 Location: US

I want to point out that you can't really know until your kids are grown. Little kids tend to go along with their mommy more easily, but when they are grown, that's when they are exposed to other people, develop the ability to think for themselves, and might rebel against things they resent - this really is not specific to food issues, but with anything.

Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 10:37 am Post subject: Re: re: Is no candy worse?

Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 11:05 am Post subject: re: Is no candy worse?

Nice to hear about the berries!
I am trying to find the balance between no junk and some junk.

I used to never allow any junk food in the house and ds would get a candy every Shabbos from the candy man at shul, fine.

Until one Shabbos I saw ds picking up fallen junk food from the street that had fallen out of another kid's nosh bag. Sad

So now I make Shabbos parties on Shabbos afternoon and someitmes he will get a goodie here and there throughout the week I just don't want him to be one of those kids where he raids the neighbors cabinets or stuffs candies into his pockets at other people's houses. I want him to know it is here and he can have some and he shouldn't go crazy over it.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3584

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Gold Member Joined: Dec 10 2009 Posts: 1458

op I think you should speak to the mom of these kids, and tell her what happened...maybe she will actually see how it is in fact backfiring already.

There are ways around children getting too much sweets but totally restricting NEVER works.

Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 1:11 pm Post subject: Re: re: Is no candy worse?

Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 1:37 pm Post subject: re: Is no candy worse?

my mother had a strict NO NOSH policy. even potato chips. we did have homemade browny and sponge cake and occasionally cocosh cake but that was it. when I went to sisters' or friends' houses I would eat all the nosh offered (and then some... if I felt comfortable enough.) till I think my sister told my father that it is not normal how it is. my mother wouldn't change but I used to go out with my father for errands and he would always buy me or give me some change to buy myself a goody. he would always remind me though that I have a chiyuv of v'nishmartem meod l'nafshoiseichem and all these colored stuff are bad for me if I have it too often. (in other words once every few weeks is fine...) oh how I loved those treats!!! now, bh I'm grown and I love fruits and vegetables. I always did but I also craved sweet stuff... on the otherhand, mil always had sweets around and dh would help himself to a couple a day and he still hasn't gotten over it. only that the childhood craving for sweets was replaced by a craving for cake. I always make sure to have a few kinds of cake at home for for selfish reasons. I don't want him making another stop (note detour) to the bakery before coming home from work... he has to have his cake...

he knows its unhealthy but he just HAS to have it... almost no self-control in that area. its the same with his brothers and sisters....

Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 2:06 pm Post subject: re: Is no candy worse?

My boys get a lollypop every day for snack. I'm pretty sure if they didn't get their candy, they'd find it elsewhere. This way, I know what they're eating.

My family has a 'tradition'. When a baby is 3 months, they get their first lollypop. That is the age when they are just discovering their hands, and learning to put things into their mouths. Usually, after that first lollypop, they don't see another one until way after their first birthday.

I have one son who could eat an entire bag of candy, no problem. He can also eat a bag of lettuce as a snack. I don't think candy is bad in moderation. Anything that is restricted, will become forbidden fruit, and the child will crave it that much more.

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