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| Chayalle |
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Joined: Aug 02 2005
Age: 37
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Location: Lakewood, NJ
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 Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 10:34 am Post subject: Re: re: Tribal child raising practices - why are they so gre |
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| gp2.0 wrote: | | sarahd wrote: | | So if it's parenting by instinct, why do I need a book and theory to tell me how to do it? |
Because some people listen to what society around them is pushing or what people around them are saying and ignore their instincts. As evidenced by people who let their babies CIO for hours even though it kills them because some book said it's OK.
I agree with HY. I parent by intuition. I do a lot of reading and googling too, don't get me wrong, to confirm that my intuition is leading me in the right direction, or to help me resolve an issue I'm not sure about. But for the most part, if a book tells me to do something and my child and I are miserable, something needs to change. If we're miserable cosleeping but in her own crib she cries for 30 seconds and falls asleep, then that's the right way for us. If she's miserable sleeping in her own crib and cries for hours then cosleeping is the way for us.
Sometimes a book and a theory are just another way to monetize an idea. You buy the book about attachment parenting, then you buy the baby carrier, the cosleeper, etc.
And sometimes people really are trying to enlighten other people who may be interested in a different method of parenting so they publish books. Too many people are scared to trust their intuition. Books are for them. | 
This also takes a child's individuality into account. My oldest would still be co-sleeping at 13 if I let her....(I kicked her out when my instinct told me ENOUGH!) but my next child never would settle down to sleep next to me, so it was the crib for her. My youngest DD is a sensitive child and I needed me, much like my oldest, so I let her in until recently, when I felt she was ready.
In the same vein, I breastfed them each according to their needs, and introduced solids when they wanted it. Despite the doctor's stern instructions, my oldest clamped her mouth shut when I tried to show her foods at 6 months, so we waited a bit longer, and she never did go for baby food....my next child licked her lips and yelped with joy when I took out the baby cereal, so she got to enjoy it at an earlier age.
I believe in adaptability and flexibility. Your child lets you know what his/her needs are, and Hashem has given you, the mother, the Binah Yeseira to interpret it. You listen and hear your child, and your relationship develops accordingly.
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Chayalle
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| celestial |
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| Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 10:39 am Post subject: Re: re: Tribal child raising practices - why are they so gre |
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| little_mage wrote: | | I think it's part of the romanticization of the "noble savage" which goes all the way back to Rousseau in the eighteenth century. This idea that civilization is corrupting and that the "uncivilized" is therefore somehow "purer" and "better." |
That's what I was going to say 
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| celestial |
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| Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 10:41 am Post subject: re: Tribal child raising practices - why are they so great? |
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What an interesting question/discussion.
Are there ANY western constructs that have overridden our instincts that are bad? If so, how do we identify them? That's the question that is interesting to me right now.
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| Hashem_Yaazor |
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| Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 11:10 am Post subject: Re: re: Tribal child raising practices - why are they so gre |
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| sarahd wrote: | | So if it's parenting by instinct, why do I need a book and theory to tell me how to do it? | You don't
I don't really do much reading up on how I parent unless I am unsure about something because I don't trust my intuition.
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| Ruchel |
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| Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 11:22 am Post subject: Re: re: Tribal child raising practices - why are they so gre |
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| ewa-jo wrote: |
I am allergic to attachment parenting
(also, I am immune to parenting guilt.... ) |
You are SO European! (compliment)
Old practices can be tried and true, or totally non fitting our modern lifestyle... I take what works for me. I like some attachment things, others are totally impossible for me. Pretty much immune to guilt also.
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| sarahd |
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| Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 11:37 am Post subject: Re: re: Tribal child raising practices - why are they so gre |
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| Hashem_Yaazor wrote: | | sarahd wrote: | | So if it's parenting by instinct, why do I need a book and theory to tell me how to do it? | You don't
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Yeah, that's what my instinct was telling me. 
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| spring13 |
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| Posted: Mon, Mar 26 2012, 7:48 pm Post subject: re: Tribal child raising practices - why are they so great? |
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People these days get REALLY hung up on following rules, hitting "milestones" and so on - and no, they often don't do obvious things. People get so accustomed to jarred baby food, for example, that they spend lots of money on it that they can't afford, or feed it exclusively to their child past a year, because they think that this is what you give to babies. They have no idea that you can A. make your own or B. Feed your kid actual food. A lot of the advice given to all parents these days caters to the dumbest common denominator.
In a world where people buy those baby timers to keep track of diaper changes and monitors that go off when they sense that the baby isn't moving, there are definitely people who need a book, or a class, or some other direct message that teaches them to relax, to do what feels natural, and to ask/think instead of always being told.
I don't think the benefit of "tribal techniques" comes from moving into a mud hut and pounding cassava for lunch: it's in parenting in a way that doesn't rely so heavily of rules and guidelines and consumer products.
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