What do you think of leaving young children to go on vacatio

Executive Member Joined: Oct 28 2011 Posts: 418

Recently two of my friends went on vacation for a couple days with their husbands leaving their young children with their relatives/ friends. Their children are two yrs and younger. I can't understand this. How can you explain to such a young child you're coming back.? It's so difficult to most children that age to change from their regular routine. How does the child manage to fall asleep in a different home with different caregivers, spending all day at a daycare....I don't know , I wouldn't dream of doing this. But then I really shouldn't be judging because dh and I don't care too much for vacations especially since we have kids. We prefer vacations @ home Razz

. . If you go on vacations without your young children can you explain? Thanks!

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 25 2007 Posts: 4858

In general, it's a good idea, and a lot of rabbonim recommend it. As long as you have family or friends with whom your children feel comfortable, it gives the couple a chance to get away from their roles as parents and reconnect as a couple.

Of course, like anything, you have to use a little seichel. You have to evaluate whether your children are at a stage where it will seem like an adventure rather than a prison sentence, and every child is different. It also obviously works better when you have someone whose home your children are already familiar with and feel comfortable visiting.

A moderate approach is probably best. I know parents who would never dream of being parted from their little darlings (who have grown into teenagers who are scared of their own shadows) as well as one mother who seems to "vacate" every month, leaving her large family under the care of a teenage daughter. Both of these extremes are bad, IMHO.

But once in a while? Sure! Your kids need a break from you just as much as you need a break from them!

I had kids here for a week or less a couple of times when their parents went on vacation. Couple time without kids is important for a marriage and I am all for it. My friends go away for a night or two and their kids are all fine. They go to family or friends whom they know very well. The kids have no issue once the parents come back. If you mean sending them to a strange sitter then that is different story.
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I've always gone on vacation without kids - I'm planning one for end of april, actually. They're fine. They go to my mom and siblings, have a great time, get to change it up a bit, and get presents when we come back. What could be better??
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Diamond Member Joined: Apr 18 2010 Posts: 3030

I haven't done it yet, because mine is not even one and is still nursing. We won't be going away without him as long as he continues to nurse, but my mom is already begging for the Great Savta Sleepover. Assuming the child isn't nursing, and is being left in the hands of capable and caring relatives, I don't see why not. They will cry the first few minutes, and then forget about you. Now, granted, I wouldn't leave such young children for a week, but 2 nights (possibly 3) sure!

Silver Member Joined: Oct 08 2009 Posts: 596

How young is old enough (assuming the child isn't nursing and is being left with caring grandparents s/he knows well)?
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We finally went on honeymoon when dd was two and half. She went with my mom to my grandparents. She had the best time! Yes, one month was long and in the end I really missed her. But it was worth it. And she loves my mom and my grandparents.

I personally do not envision never having a couple vacation as long as there are small kids. Of course if I didn't have anywhere to put them, well...
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Diamond Member Joined: Aug 07 2006 Posts: 2556

Some parents have a more difficult time with their families and feel recharged by taking time away, or so I have been told, but I can't fathom it. Being away from my baby at such a young age - no way! It would be more stressful being apart. And she was still nursing at age two (she stopped at age 2 1/2). Babies let you know when they are ready for greater separation, if you pay attention to their signals. None of my close friends went away without their babies either - it's a lifestyle choice, a parenting approach, and perhaps a personality type.

As my daughter enters adolescence she is appropriately independent, as are her peers. One has nothing to do with the other. Fox, I usually agree with you wholeheartedly, but not this time.

I would do it if I felt like the vacation was really urgently needed. After all, I've left kids that young to go to the hospital. Dh has also been away for various reasons. And they were fine - but thrown off enough that I wouldn't do it lightly.

I might feel differently about it if we had family that my young kids are really close to nearby. BH we have relatives here who are great with the older kids, but the ones who are really good with babies/toddlers are elsewhere. If they were here, I might be able to more easily imagine going away for a few days and having everything go smoothly and happily in my absence.

Senior Member Joined: Jul 18 2011 Posts: 241

I will probably be the only One to say , I am completely against it! The message u give your children is that they are not the most important in your life, that they are a burden and u need time away from them! Not good chinich in my opinion. But then again everyone is entitled to their own!

Gold Member Joined: Mar 23 2007 Posts: 1877 Location: NY

I think it's fine to leave older kids (perhaps 5 and up) with a close family member, though I have yet to do it. Then maybe for a couple of nights. At that age they understand that mommy and daddy need special time together. I would never leave a 2 or 3 yr old. Emotionally they're too unstable at that age, for lack of a better term.

I think leaving a 2 yr old for one month is ridiculous and until now I've never heard of such a thing. Maybe it was a typo.
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Gold Member Joined: Mar 23 2007 Posts: 1877 Location: NY

Even if my mother and father were like a second set of parents for my children, I would not actually enjoy being away from my children for that long and I would feel irresponsible.

Thank g-d I married an American b/c France seems to be a major culture change.

My DD was 20 months old when my brother got married overseas, and I was still nursing her. So leaving her behind was not an option (my very lovely SIL offered, which was really nice of her, but I declined.) I'm also of the variety that could not bear to leave her for a week. But I do understand that families have different needs, so whatever floats your boat and works for you is fine. I don't judge others for their decisions, and don't think the quality of their mothering is less if they leave their child in good hands to get a break.

OTOH I don't think it's fair to expect anyone to take your baby while you go on vacation. If someone offers or is forthcoming, great. But don't think your SIL or other relative owes this to you. I have some relatives who would love it if I took their little ones for a week while they get away, but it doesn't work out for me, and I don't think they should expect it.
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The longest we both left our kids to go on vacation together was for 4 nights, once our youngest was 5 years old. Some kids stayed with relatives, and some kids stayed with the relatives' next-door neighbors, who have kids my kids are friends with.

We have gone away overnight when our youngest was a toddler, leaving the kids in the care of adult or near-adult siblings.

I think it depends on the family. My DH and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the kids without one of us for more than a few days. I guess we would be okay with leaving teenagers for a bit longer.

my children have a very close relationship with my in-laws. they see them almost every day. so when my son was 2 and a half, I had the opportunity to go with my husband to israel for a week and I took it. I missed my kids the whole time, and even cried myself to sleep the first night because I missed them. everyone told me I was overreacting and the kids will be fine. well, my four year old was fine, but when I came back, my two year old was just not the same. he was a little more hyper than usual, and seemed almost confused. even though I had prepared him in advance, and spoke to him on the phone ever day that I was away, as soon as he saw me he asked, "where did you go?" I gave him a lot of extra love those next few weeks, and extra time spent with him, but he took a long time to get back to himself. it breaks my heart every time I think about it. it was so bad that I even considered that he might have been molested or abused during my absence! but he was in my in-law's care or his usual playgroup that whole time, so I doubt it. I just think that under a certain age, children just do not understand what's going on when their mother goes away. I will always regret that week away. and I will always wonder if I caused permanent emotional damage...

Sure! Its much kinder to leave a 1 or 2 year old behind with relatives for a week or a month then to subject them, and everyone else, to the horrors of plane travel. After all, they might make a noise on the plane and another passenger might miss some vital dialogues from the movie!

sarcasm aside, we have done it for a few days. but not for a very young kid. One time we took our (very well behaved) 2 year old son with and left the older 3 with relatives. (don't worry, fox, we took a train) We had a great time, just having one kid instead of 4 was pretty liberating.

Honestly, I think my kids would be fine, but I don't really have relatives I could leave my kids with for longer then a few days. (even the ones that would live far so it means a double journey)

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 24 2008 Posts: 6528

I think the younger kids don't even notice as much as older kids do. When I had a baby my kids stayed by my SIL for 2 days. My 5 year old was home sick while my 2 year old didn't ask for me once (but when she did come home she acted mad at me for about 10 minutes)

I would do it if the kids knew the person very well. Wouldn't do it with strangers.

Senior Member Joined: May 13 2010 Age: 23 Posts: 128

I did it and for this reson. momy and taty sometimes need to recharge and reconect. this is good for the marrage wich inturn is good for being a better momy/taty and inturn being a better more harmonias cozy home to live in.

ps my dd 16-17 months at the time went to my mom and had the time of her life. bubby gave her privlges that us kids never even dreamed to ask because we already knew the answer. (nothing major things like eating supper outside(it was summer) etc...

I also remeber going to cousins when my parents went away on vacay and vice versa we had a blast (little children often went to same household as an older sibling for comfort familar face etc...)