Shtick Yeshivish People Say at Shivas

Link

What do you think? Because of its more-narrow focus, it doesn't include some of the comments I've heard, and luckily I've not heard some of these.

Executive Member Joined: Jan 22 2012 Posts: 354

I sat shiva for my father (he was young in his 50's) about a year ago most people were compassionate. of course there are always people who make unappropiate comments which also happens when they visit the sick usually recommending "better" doctors
almost 20 of us sat shiva including all my aunts and uncles in a small house the hardest part for me was talking to people the entire day

Executive Member Joined: Jan 22 2012 Posts: 354

oh to answer the question about this video I thought it was funny for a joke everybody at one point probably says something like that or even closely related even though not intentionally maybe its really hard to judge people when put in an awkward position

I'm sorry that your father died so young. When I sat shiva, I got some of these comments, plus other inappropriate comments. Not to say that yeshivish people are more likely to make inappropriate comments than others--just that when they do, the comments are of a particular type. I think sometimes people just don't know what to say, so instead of saying "I'm so sorry" or something pleasant about the niftar/ nifteres they just babble whatever ignorant comment comes to mind.

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5894

I got plenty of insensitive comments when I sat shiva but none of these. Hm. Maybe my crowd isn't yeshivish enough :roll

This looks like it could be part of the same series as the one about 'how not to do bikur cholim."

I felt that the most common most annoying behavior was discussing the circumstances of the death. In my case it was a medical condition. I don't CARE who else had it, what alternative miracle cures there are, etc, and I equally don't care to explain it to you as it's none of your business and too late to do anything about it anyway. There were other stupid things people said but if I could pick one to publicize not to do this would be it. Ugh.

Moderator Joined: Nov 20 2005 Posts: 4868

I think most people who sat shiva can compile a book of stupidest comments said. I got two volumes to fill. However, most people have good intentions and didnt mean to be insensitive. They get lost and think they need to talk and comment. What shiva taught me was to SHUT UP and allow the mourner to talk if they feel like it.

Whenever I hear these kinds of complaints, I'm shocked. It makes me not want to bother going for fear I might say the wrong thing. Why not just dlkz, ignore stupid comments, and grow up already. People say stupid things but they certainly don't mean it and they often are saying things that reflect their own lives and understanding of things.
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black sheep wrote: Trauma doesn't ruin lives; never recovering from trauma ruins lives.

chani8, I think most of the people posting here, including me, recognize that ignorant comments made during shiva are generally not meant to hurt. When I sat shiva for my husband, an old classmate of mine called me and said, "Hashem never gives someone more than they can handle, so you must be a very strong person". I was a little taken aback at the comment, but I understand that she was trying to say something comforting and encouraging.

I think this video, while it does poke fun at such comments, is also trying to educate people about "what not to say", just as seeker said.

chani8, I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time, and I hope your situation improves.

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 19 2011 Posts: 2709

I heard one like the hugging comment before. My SIL's BIL is I don't know what. He's not MO. I guess yeshivish? Anyway, her DH put his arm around her once at her grandmother's shiva. Her BIL took her DH aside and lectured him about it. From what I hear her DH responded not very nicely at all (can't blame him). I'm not sure what he said, but I know her DH doesn't mince words and I'm pretty sure those words wouldn't get by Imamother blocking. I know they had to have been pretty bad because SIL and her DH no longer speak to his brother.
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Platinum Member Joined: Jun 30 2009 Posts: 8233

I didn't watch the clip, but what's yeshivish about stupid shiva comments? Confused

Silver Member Joined: Nov 17 2011 Posts: 912

This gem got over 50,000 hits in less than six weeks!

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48159

I liked it.

I'm embarrassed to say that I actually laughed out loud at the cocoa puffs quip.
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Gold Member Joined: Jan 11 2011 Posts: 1164

Yeah not sure if ppl. make comments out of ignorance or cause they're just plain outright dumb.
Went to be menachem avel quite a few recently. By one an older lady was niftar at age 79. A lady walks in and starts firing questions, how old was she, how long was she sick, what was she niftar from at the end, did she suffer, who was with her, what dr., whose house was she in last, what did she leave .........
By a diff. shiva, her daughters were sitting in a bedroom with a bookcase, someone gets up to leave and says so... these were all your mothers books.......?

I can't open it.
But maybe stupid comments are the reason why around me only the nearest and dearest attend...
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"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

I only just came across this on youtube, I had to bump this up, ROFL!
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Let your fellow's honor be as dear to you as your own and do not anger easily (Pirkei Avos/t)

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13203

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5894