Friend didn't come to your simcha because of a kids fever

I have a bar mitzva tonight in a town about 20-30 minutes away (Israel). My daughter has a low grade fever and is dripping from her nose and eyes. She was pretty kvetchy on shabbat. The bar mitzva are relatively close friends. I had a sitter lined up and everything. I think I won't go. If you were the hostess would you understand, or be offended.

Moderator Joined: Dec 18 2008 Posts: 3653

Understand.

If that's your only concern, I vote you stay home (even if they won't understand).

I would stay home. it's what you have to do. Do both you and your husband have to go? If it's your friend making the bar mitzvah--can you go and have your husband stay home with your sick child?
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"You can say this for ready-mixes - the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make." ~Earl Wilson

Your immediate family always comes first. They should understand that. Your child isn't feeling well and would be much more comfortable with you than a sitter. Also you can monitor how they are feeling and take appropriate actions. Refua shelaima to your dear child and forget about what other people may think. Call to wish mazal tov ve zehu.

Gold Member Joined: Jan 11 2011 Posts: 1167

Gold Member Joined: Feb 08 2012 Posts: 1055 Location: USA

stay home! she will understand. refuah shelaimah

Moderator Joined: Aug 14 2005 Posts: 4703 Location: Ohio

If I were you, I would stay home. And if I were the hostess, I would understand. I personally would not leave my kids with a sittter if they are sick. It's not fair to the sitter.
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mommy to 2 girls, 1 boy

"I would rather have my people laugh at my economies than weep for my extravagance."
--King Oscar of Sweden

"Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
--Wash

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 18 2010 Posts: 3106

Presumably, these people have been parents for at least 13 years. Sometime in those 13 years, they must have had to cancel plans due to a sick child. I'm sure they'll understand.

If I were the hostess I would totally understand and accept it.
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hadasa. One 'h', one 's'.

"...the eternal Jewish wealth is when we ... bring into the world children and descendants who keep Torah and Mitzvos." (Hayom Yom)

Stay home. I also have a smicha to go to tonight and am not going bec. I am a drop under the weather myself and would rather save my koach for my kids and family. Family comes first. It's a bigger mitzvah to take care of one's own family.

Platinum Member Joined: May 06 2007 Posts: 8548

I think that the best option would be if dh stayed home. Barring that, I would stay home.
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Just Plain Frum!

If the hostess will be offended, she isnt a good friend.
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If you're gonna be blue, be bright blue!

Silver Member Joined: Jul 06 2006 Posts: 747

I'm going to be the odd one out here. How old is your DD? Does she know this sitter? I assume this sitter is responsible. Is the simcha @ night and DD might be sleeping? I feel like this is a one time event that I would want to be with my friend for it (of course my children come first if there is no option). If one of my kids are sick on a day that I usually work, I leave them home with the sitter.

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 18 2004 Posts: 2600

definitely stay home.
friend should understand.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 17 2011 Posts: 6158

Silver Member Joined: Jul 06 2006 Posts: 747

For me it is not about a meal being paid for. I feel that even when one of my children are sick, I am allowed to do something that I was planning on doing for myself. I would be different if it was C"vs a horrible illness. Sometimes a child could have fever for a weak, I feel that a parent can't cancel everything to be home with that child for a week. I feel that another family member or another caring adult can take care of my child for a few hours while I go to my friends simcha.

Silver Member Joined: Jun 12 2011 Posts: 792